Vidéo sur le thème « controlled male chastity » accessible sur YouTube

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explorant « controlled male chastity »:

Lorsqu’elle est apparue dans notre veille, cette vidéo montrait une bonne dynamique. Le décompte de Likes indiquait: 43.

La durée (02:40:13s), le titre (【脱口秀和Ta的朋友们 第2季】第6期下：全体起立！步惊云为被造黄谣女性发声！) et les informations de l’auteur sont des détails importants à considérer, tout comme la description :« | 喜綜最先知快樂笑爆炸！
| 追蹤我們https://youtube.com/@TheBigBangComedy?si=ZONNaxJTJFxTvTIE

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#喜人奇妙夜 #酷酷的滕 #天放#非常敢想 #锤娜丽莎 #李川 #林墨 #孟鹤堂 #总裁请就诊 #少爷和我 #轻轻松松喜剧节 #脱口秀大会 #认真的嘎嘎们 #毛雪汪 #五十公里桃花坞 #李雪琴 #徐志胜 #comedy #脱口秀 #sketch #喜剧 #非常敢想隊 #錘娜麗莎 #李川 #林墨 #孟鶴堂 #總裁請就診 #少爺和我 #輕輕松松喜劇節 #脫口秀大會 #認真的嘎嘎們 #毛雪汪 #五十公裏桃花塢 #李雪琴 #徐志勝 #comedy #脫口秀 #sketch #喜劇 ».

YouTube est une plateforme polyvalente qui permet à chacun de trouver des vidéos sur des sujets variés, offrant un espace d’expression personnelle tout en veillant à respecter les valeurs de diversité, de respect et de sécurité dans les interactions.

S’intéresser aux origines historiques et culturelles de la chasteté.

La chasteté trouve ses origines dans de nombreuses traditions religieuses et culturelles. Dans la tradition chrétienne, le vœu de continence des prêtres et religieux est souvent lié à la chasteté. L’islam et les Églises catholique et orthodoxe placent la chasteté comme une vertu centrale, tant pour les religieux que pour les laïcs, surtout avant le mariage. Dans l’Antiquité, la chasteté était également valorisée comme une manière de préserver l’intégrité personnelle et la pureté morale. La chasteté continue de transcender les différentes époques et cultures, se maintenant comme une vertu respectée et reconnue.

La pratique de la chasteté influence positivement le bien-être personnel et moral. Il est crucial d’examiner l’impact de la chasteté sur le bien-être personnel et moral.

L’impact de la chasteté sur le bien-être personnel est profond lorsqu’elle est pratiquée consciemment. La chasteté permet d’améliorer la maîtrise de soi, la clarté mentale, ainsi qu’une paix intérieure résultant du respect des convictions morales. En pratiquant la chasteté, on crée une relation plus harmonieuse avec son corps et ses désirs. La liberté obtenue par la chasteté vient de la libération des pulsions et des pressions sociales associées à la sexualité. La pureté morale acquise grâce à la chasteté améliore la dignité et l’estime de soi. Les bénéfices psychologiques associés à la chasteté sont remarquables. La pratique de la chasteté conduit à une confiance en soi accrue et à une meilleure gestion des défis.

Questions Fréquemment Posées (FAQ) sur la Chasteté.

La chasteté est-elle réservée uniquement aux personnes religieuses ? La chasteté ne s’applique pas seulement aux personnes de foi comme les religieux. En quoi la chasteté diffère-t-elle de l’abstinence ? L’abstinence est l’acte de s’abstenir de relations sexuelles. Contrairement à l’abstinence, la chasteté peut inclure le port d’un dispositif comme une ceinture ou une cage, et s’inscrit dans une approche de développement personnel. En quoi consiste la pratique de la chasteté dans le mariage ? Dans le mariage, la chasteté implique souvent une collaboration et une communication entre les époux sur la pratique et les objectifs. Quelle est la valeur de la chasteté dans les enseignements de l’Église ? La chasteté est valorisée par l’Église pour sa capacité à promouvoir une vie conforme aux principes de la foi chrétienne. En quoi la pratique de la chasteté peut-elle enrichir l’épanouissement personnel ? La pratique de la chasteté favorise l’épanouissement personnel en développant la maîtrise de soi, la clarté mentale et la paix intérieure.

Vivre selon les principes de chasteté au quotidien.

Les hommes souhaitant adopter la chasteté peuvent mettre en place diverses stratégies. Une réflexion personnelle pour mieux comprendre ses valeurs et motivations est essentielle. Éviter les contenus à caractère sexuel et autres situations similaires est recommandé pour contrôler ses désirs. Un mentor ou un groupe de soutien partageant les mêmes valeurs peut être crucial pour rester engagé. La chasteté peut être un défi dans une société où la sexualité est omniprésente. Les défis de la chasteté englobent la pression sociale et les tentations constantes. Maintenir une discipline personnelle rigoureuse est crucial pour surmonter ces obstacles. Si des difficultés surviennent, il faut persévérer et redémarrer avec une volonté nouvelle. Atteindre la chasteté n’est pas une question de perfection mais de cheminement avec patience et persévérance. Pour conclure, la chasteté, une fois intégrée dans la vie, peut offrir une plus grande liberté, une maîtrise de soi accrue et un profond épanouissement spirituel. Bien qu’elle puisse sembler restrictive dans un monde où la sexualité est souvent plus valorisée que la spiritualité, la chasteté offre une voie vers une vie plus authentique, fidèle à ses valeurs et sa foi.

Saisir le concept de chasteté dans le cadre contemporain. Comprendre la chasteté sous l’angle des réalités actuelles.

Essentiellement, la chasteté est le contrôle volontaire des impulsions sexuelles. Il ne s’agit pas uniquement d’abstinence, mais d’une gestion volontaire des désirs sexuels selon des principes moraux ou spirituels. De nos jours, la chasteté n’est pas seulement une question de répression des désirs, mais d’orientation vers des objectifs plus élevés comme le respect personnel et spirituel. Pour un homme moderne, la chasteté n’est pas synonyme de renonciation au plaisir, mais de vivre sa sexualité comme il l’entend.

La chasteté : Une valeur à réévaluer dans le contexte actuel.

La chasteté est une vertu qui semble taboue dans notre monde actuel. La chasteté, lorsqu’elle est intégrée dans la vie quotidienne, peut offrir une paix intérieure accrue, renforcer les relations et enrichir la connexion spirituelle. Il y a longtemps, la chasteté était plus fréquemment reconnue et discutée. Le concept de chasteté est le point centraldans ce dossier qui aborde le sujet de la chasteté. Cet article explore différents aspects de la chasteté, fournissant aux hommes les outils nécessaires pour comprendre et intégrer cette vertu dans leur vie quotidienne.

Observer les effets de la chasteté sur les interactions sociales et les relations familiales.

Les effets de la chasteté se manifestent aussi dans les relations sociales. Le port d’une cage de chasteté permet à un homme de réactiver ses compétences de séduction et d’ajuster son comportement avec ses partenaires. Les capacités physiques et sexuelles sont plus robustes pendant l’acte en raison de leur utilisation moins fréquente. Il est possible de maintenir la chasteté de manière secrète, sans que les partenaires ne soient informés. La chasteté peut solidifier les relations entre les conjoints dans le mariage en encourageant un amour plus sincère, déconnecté du plaisir physique.

La relation entre chasteté et spiritualité est fondamentale.

La chasteté est vue comme une pratique spirituelle dans plusieurs croyances. La chasteté est vue comme une voie de sanctification dans plusieurs croyances. La gestion des désirs sexuels contribue à un meilleur bien-être intérieur. La chasteté est perçue comme un acte d’offrande personnelle et de respect pour Dieu. La chasteté est perçue comme un choix pour élever l’âme et non comme une simple privation. Chaque tradition religieuse propose une vision distincte de la chasteté. Dans le christianisme catholique, la chasteté est considérée comme une vertu clé pour les prêtres. L’islam valorise la chasteté en établissant des règles rigoureuses pour réguler la sexualité. Les ascètes des traditions hindouiste et bouddhiste utilisent la chasteté comme voie vers l’illumination. Ainsi, la chasteté unifie les croyants dans une quête spirituelle partagée.

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#脱口秀和Ta的朋友们 #第2季第6期下全体起立步惊云为被造黄谣女性发声

Retranscription des paroles de la vidéo: Currently, 4 groups of actors from the Spear camp have advanced. 13 groups of actors from the Shield camp have advanced. There are 30 spots for advancement. There are still 13 spots remaining. Is it possible to advance directly? Absolutely. Advanced directly. The highest in the whole venue. This is the highest. The highest. The first female actor to advance directly. I’m not joking. Meituan Flash Sale Arriving soon. Thanks to the inclusion of a Sunshine Tomato. Sponsored jointly by Eggplant King. Hello, everyone. Welcome, everyone, to the show sponsored by Meituan Flash Sale, « Stand-up Comedy and Friends, » Season 2, Stage 2. The Battle of Spear and Shield. Welcome, everyone. The team of the winning performer in this round will continue to send out performers. There are a total of 30 spots to advance in this stage. Currently, 13 spots remain. In the previous match, the Shield team was ahead. Therefore, the Shield team will send out the first performer for this round. I believe everyone knows this performer. You are all very familiar with her. She is extremely approachable, a true fairy sister. Please welcome Shanhe. Go, Shanhe! (Shanhe) Alright, thank you, everyone. Hello, everyone. I’m Shanhe. How are you all? Hello to our friends on the second floor Thank you, everyone This is my second time participating in the show this year Right? Just before coming on stage, everyone said they were very nervous I said I was nervous too They asked, « What are you nervous about? » The audience likes you When you smile on stage each dimple gets you ten votes But I can’t just stand on stage and say Hello, everyone. I’m Shanhe. I’ll keep it brief. It’s all in my dimples. Vote. But today, I want to share something from my heart. Really. Because it’s truly when I’m the me on this stage that I’m the happiest. Honestly, I’m not easily happy in private. Because ever since I was little, my dad taught me that you have to be excellent before you can be happy. In our family, if you do well on exams, you can be happy. Alright. If you perform well, you can be happy. Alright. If you did nothing, and you’re happy, that’s a death sentence. If you even dare to buy toys, or snacks, the sentence is carried out immediately. Because my dad is a police officer. Forget about providing emotional value. He’s good at confiscating your emotional value. When I was a kid, the happiest time for me was every Saturday night watching « Happy Camp. » That was when I was happiest. But in our family, you could watch, but you couldn’t laugh. It’s easy to attract my dad over. Girls who love to laugh won’t have good luck. Sometimes when I’m really enjoying watching something, laughing happily, he’s suddenly standing right next to you. Suddenly, he’s right beside you. Final exams are coming up soon. Don’t get happy too soon. I don’t know if being happy too early will have any bad consequences. Those criminals aren’t caught because they were too happy. The gang boss tells his underling, « Go take care of that person. » The underling says, « In life, » « the most important thing is to be happy. » Shot on the spot. My dad is always like this. He always thinks that many things aren’t worth being happy about. Like last year for me, I actually had a segment on a show last year. It even made it onto the trending list. But not the kind of trending we usually think of. Not the top few lines when you open Weibo. No. You have to click the bottom right corner, « More trending topics, » and keep scrolling down. Number 48. You can see me there. I was really excited at the time. You know, I was truly excited then. It was my first time trending. I even turned off my Wi-Fi. I said, « Sis, I have data now! » I quickly took a screenshot and sent it to our family group chat. When I switched back and refreshed, the trending topic was gone. The director came over to comfort me and said, It’s okay. It’s okay. It means our post is getting attention. Let’s get more people to help promote it. Let’s work on the numbers. Let’s boost this video. I said, Director, you really know how to talk. Buying traffic is just buying traffic, just boosting it. I said, no need to boost it, let’s make it go viral. All in. Let’s buy our way to the top of the trending list. Open Weibo, number one is Shanhe Talk Show, number two is Trump assassination attempt. Everyone who opened Weibo was stunned. Who is this person? Was she the one who incited the assassin? My dad heard about it and started lecturing me. He said, the things you make with fake data, are they really worth celebrating? Are you really proud of that? When will you be able to make it to the trending list with your real skills? I said, those who make it to the trending list with real skills still have to pay to get it taken down. But don’t be fooled by how I am now, making comebacks and cracking jokes. This is just a comedy bit. Honestly, when I was writing this bit, I realized that subconsciously, I don’t allow myself to be happy. If I can’t write a good joke, I don’t let myself be happy. If I don’t do well in competitions, I can’t relax. I get anxious really easily. When I get anxious, my period stops. When I compete, my period stops. Last year, I made it to the finals for several months, and I thought I was pregnant. I still had to write scripts at home every day. I didn’t know which would come first, a new joke or my period. Luckily, both came in the end. Just, neither was much. So now I feel that making yourself happy is a skill. You should make yourself happy. Especially when you’re under more stress, the more you should cheer yourself up. Honestly, don’t talk about spending money only on what’s necessary. I’ll spend it on what makes me happy. My mom always asks me, “Why do you buy these phone cases and blind boxes and all this stuff? These things— are they useful? Aren’t you wasting money?” I tell her, “Don’t worry about it. As long as I can get my period, it’s not a waste. This is my registration fee.” Who says it’s meaningless? Even Qin Shi Huang has several sets of figurines. Right? Unify the world So much pressure There are still hidden versions even now So actually I really want to share something with everyone Lately, I feel the easiest way to be happy the lowest-cost happiness comes down to two words taking photos Do you get it? I really enjoy it when my girlfriends take photos of me and provide that emotional value Several phones pointed at you, saying This is the angle Yes Looks good Dilraba Okay, okay, okay Now turn your face over Never mind, turn back I enjoy it even more after everyone finishes taking photos that moment of silence Everyone looks down without saying a word and starts editing the photos Skillfully switching between different apps Precisely adjusting every parameter I say Are these really my best friends or are they goddesses Sometimes you even feel embarrassed looking at the edited photo and saying I wish I really looked like this They all say in unison (You do look like this) Best friends are here I’m so happy But I realized these past couple of days Even so the simplest kind of happiness the easiest way to be happy is always being criticized A lot of people don’t like girls who love taking photos They say if you go out to have fun you should just enjoy the scenery and that only taking photos isn’t right Don’t let the photo-taking culture ruin your vacation That’s hilarious I’m not doing it just for the photos Otherwise, I wouldn’t even go out Right? Yeah. Did my vacation get ruined because I released photos? My vacation was ruined because I didn’t get any good photos. Some people are really strange. At least we got some good shots. You didn’t get any good photos. Did you publish a book? Did you make a name for yourself? You can’t even come up with a meme. You’re acting like her dad now. You’re just scolding yourself. Just making a fool of yourself. I understood back then. It’s not about how you find happiness. It’s not about delayed or instant gratification either. Some people see you happy and they become dissatisfied. Some people take it really seriously. They say you take photos edit them and post them online just to get attention, to be recognized, and to be praised? Yes. Yeah. Who in this world doesn’t want attention, recognition, and praise? Exactly. Right? Yeah. I’ve never seen anyone who, after becoming an overnight sensation, takes down their videos, deletes their account, and retreats to the countryside. If that happens, it’s probably because something was discovered. Tao Yuanming was also forced to retire from public life. Did Tao Yuanming actually like seclusion? He wrote so many poems— were they just for himself? If you say Tao Yuanming liked seclusion, then I’ll say Goujian loved tasting bitterness. The one who truly liked seclusion was Zhang Boyang. Tao Yuanming’s poems only two hundred years after his death became widely known and passed down through the ages. That’s when people learned about him. I think if he had gotten attention earlier, been praised and recognized, he would have been happier. It wouldn’t even be called seclusion for him. It would just be called a career change. The Li Ziqi of the Eastern Jin dynasty. With just one line, « Picking chrysanthemums by the eastern fence, » « Leisurely, I see the southern mountain, » he’d instantly become a hit and appear on variety shows. Like « Let’s Farm, » obviously. So I think maybe it’s hard for me to become better, but I want to make myself happier. Thank you, everyone. I’m Shan He. Thank you all. 4 lights That’s awesome. I feel like 290 votes will go straight through. Thank you, everyone. Thank you, everyone. Make the most of the final voting time. Thank you, everyone. Just confirm when you’re done. No need to hold it up for her to see. I saw it. Alright, countdown to lock the votes for Shanhe begins. Thank you, everyone. Thank you all, thank you. Our audience today is really wonderful. The ladies in the front row After you vote show it to the actors. I really voted. Voted. Shanhe, why did you choose this segment? This is something I’ve always After finishing the show last year, my biggest feeling was to look inward at myself. To get to know myself. I realized that I really seem to be someone who finds it hard to be happy. Because maybe my friends who know me and spend time with me in private friends who have known me for a long time all say you have two dimples and your smile looks so happy. They say you’re still a comedian But all my longtime friends know I’m someone who finds it hard to be happy It’s not easy for me to feel joy Especially, I also find it hard to be alone with myself Whenever I’m alone with myself I easily get sad Actually, let me share something with you all I’ve always wanted to go to Disney But last year I was filming a show in Shanghai And I didn’t go for several months Because I kept thinking I had to do better I had to get good results But my results were actually pretty good last year But after I did well last year Someone told me You need to prepare material for live shows You need to get ready You have to compare yourself with others and all that So I felt like I still couldn’t relax So now I feel I really need to make myself happy It’s really important Yes. Does Teacher Luo feel it? Da Zhangwei feels it. It feels so right. She really is happier. For me, it’s just that I completely agree. You have to make yourself happy. Just cheering yourself up, I did something like that recently. Something just to make myself happy. It was extremely silly. For no particular reason, I bought a Judge Bao figurine. Just for that one line. When I opened the package, « Kaifeng has a Judge Bao. » Just for something like that. I randomly bought a Judge Bao figurine. Just to amuse myself. I always feel bad spending money. Like spending money is a waste. And a couple of days ago, I saw something online, like singing hand soap. Right? I just had to have it. I think people should really focus on four words in life. « Act on impulse. » Yes. Come on, let’s hear it. About your « Kaifeng has a Judge Bao » thing, this happiness, Teacher Li Yuchun’s opinion. Li Yuchun. She was happy after hearing it. Is Chunchun okay? That’s so weird. Because I really had to buy it. Because if I don’t go crazy now, I’ll get old. But I agree I completely agree with what the teacher said You have to cheer yourself up You need to find a way to make yourself happy Do things that make you happy I do things that make me happy. Altogether, there aren’t many. One of them is very important. Music. Another important one is eating. Eating. Another one is what Shanhe mentioned today, which is the figurine. Yes. It’s opening blind boxes. These two bring the greatest joy. Eating accounts for 80% of it. Yes. Pretty much. On this stage, that kind of simple, pure happiness seems like, as everyone becomes deeper, more thoughtful, and more expressive, it has become a bit rare. But what you have reminds me of Zhisheng’s kind Yes. That pure and simple happiness. That’s right. But if you think about it, it’s not lacking in depth. Because it contains some reflections on life. That’s the best kind of depth. In the end, it’s all about being happy. Yes. So it’s really great. I think this is the best version of Shanhe. Because last season, she had a performance where she said So what if you talk about gaining weight? Then you talked a lot about the happiness of being chubby. There’s an article about emotional eating. Yes. That feels the same as this. It’s on the same level. Extremely happy. I’m glad to see this best state. It’s back again. Thank you, teacher. I can really empathize with Shanhe. Because I am also someone who always has a bit of anxiety inside. Always tense. Yes. I always feel that I have to finish all my work before I can truly relax. But the problem is work keeps coming up. So you’re always in a kind of calm. But inside, I felt inexplicably uneasy. Yeah. It’s a really annoying feeling. But you just… That’s just how I am. So later, I just accepted it. After performing for a long time, it’s always around eight or nine at night. One time, when there was no show, I had nothing to do at eight or nine. I started to wonder, what should I be doing right now? I didn’t know what to do. I felt like… You go watch a show. Yeah, maybe I just wanted to go to the theater. It’s just that kind of feeling. I think doing nothing is a virtue. I can do nothing. But if you really enjoy it, and feel truly content, that’s a really great state to be in. I really hope for that. Let me tell everyone something. This is called unconditional happiness. Yes. Right? It means you can’t wait until you have money, or until you win, or until you surpass others, or even surpass yourself to be happy. So when can anyone actually be happy? Exactly. There are no conditions. I make myself happy. I’m happy right here, right now. I hope we can always be happy, okay? Thank you, teachers. Thank you, everyone. Thank you all. Shanhe. After really doing stand-up comedy, I’ve become happier and more confident. Actually, Shanhe is a very, very anxious person. A very, very conflicted person Stand-up comedy She revitalized the whole stage Her charisma is incredible She’s an opening act The audience would hold up their voting devices in front of her dimples and say Vote for her I’ve never seen this happen here before The audience would all chime in together to finish the sentence she was about to say (So this is what you look like) Her best friend is here I’m really curious too All four lights of the comedy panel are on The girls in the front row are holding their voting devices right up to their faces So after her performance can she advance directly? These 290 votes Is that not enough? How many votes did she actually get? Let’s see I think she can make it 290 votes She still has to face the challenge from the opposing team I don’t think anyone will stand up Maybe they’ll have to draw lots again No one is volunteering. It’s okay. How could our show allow no one to volunteer? We have a very clever setup. It’s called the Destiny Box. Let’s take a look. Let’s see who Shanhe draws from the Destiny Box. Shanhe, same rules as before. Don’t look at anything. Just draw. Go ahead, Shanhe. Hope it’s not Hotpot. Alright. Okay, here we go. Let’s go with this one. Who is it? Hotpot. Hotpot, it’s you. It’s fine. Go, Hotpot! It’s okay. The next person to go one-on-one with Shanhe is this actor. She used to be a police officer in Yunnan. Last time, she talked with us about her new police stories. Today, she’ll continue to share her stories from Yunnan. Let’s give a warm welcome to Hotpot. Hotpot. The second round is even better. Hello. Hi everyone, I’m Hotpot. Friends on the second floor, how are you? Thank you. (So handsome.) You can tell. Everyone really likes it. Police. Today, I just want to talk with everyone. About my journey growing up through many hardships. When I was young, I was a left-behind child. I lived together with animals. My hometown is in Xishuangbanna. In a small mountain village nearby. How small was it? Back then, our village didn’t even have a name. Everyone just called it « our village. » Translated, it means there there If we put up a sign at the entrance of our village it could only say the wind that misses you has blown there At that time, my parents had to go work so they sent me from the city back to there Before I went my mom told me that some people in the countryside might bully girls so she gave me a buzz cut She said if anyone asked just say you’re a boy Back then I lived at my grandpa’s house At my grandpa’s house, he kept monkeys and peacocks doves and owls They were all rescued by my grandpa My grandpa a Disney princess on the run One night, I went to the outhouse in the yard to use the toilet Our family’s owl was facing away from me at first then suddenly did a 180-degree turn with its head to look at me its eyes were glowing then it spoke That day I realized women can also pee standing up I could even run to the bathroom. A left-behind child from the city, I didn’t have many friends. So I would go tease the monkey at home. I stared at the monkey, and the monkey stared back at me. The next second, it punched me with a backhand. My forehead immediately started bleeding. You can still see the scar now. Friends in the front row should be able to see it a little. The monkey did this. Look, there’s another scar on my forehead. We also had an owl at home. Yunnan has its own Harry Potter. Since I was little, I knew where the magical creatures were. They were right there. My mom was the only college graduate in our village. Back then, the girls in our village couldn’t go to school. By changing her own fate, my mom also changed mine. That’s why she insisted I go to school. But the kids at the town’s elementary school didn’t like me. They surrounded me and asked if I was a boy or a girl. I said I was a boy. But they laughed at me, saying I looked like a girl. They called me a freak. Using that as an excuse, they beat me up. So I came up with an idea. I looked for monkeys to learn monkey boxing. I started challenging monkeys one-on-one. Monkeys are really good at fighting. They can grab my head with both hands and then kick me with both legs. It felt like I was a shared bike. They’d scan me and just ride off. I realized close combat was useless. So I found a stick and tried poking them. The monkeys used their ultimate move. They threw their poop at me. Oh shit. You guys have probably never had monkeys throw poop at you. They’re really accurate. When I returned to the city for middle school, I still kept my buzz cut. I thought it was very convenient. But after a while, rumors spread throughout the school that there was someone in Class 3, Grade 8 who was a weirdo, neither male nor female. They called me « Dongfang Bubai. » A few people saw that I wouldn’t give in. So they surrounded me. They wanted to beat me up. The one leading them said, « You’re that Dongfang Bubai. » He didn’t even have any phlegm, but he spat anyway. « Today, we’re beating up you, this freak who looks like a man. » What hurt me was not just their fists, but also their reasons. Listen to this: How come sometimes I look like a woman, and sometimes like a man? The only thing that never changes is being called a freak. Humans are just hypocritical. They always have to find excuses for their violence. They’re not even as good as monkeys. Everyone who climbs Mount Emei no matter if you’re a man or a woman, has been attacked by monkeys. Monkeys are awesome! But they really picked the wrong person to fight. I was trained by monkeys. That person looked at me, and I looked at him. The next second I swung back and punched him Then the teacher dragged me away The teacher said Even though they were wrong But how can a girl get into a fight? I said, why can’t girls fight? I haven’t even used my ultimate move yet After graduating high school, I applied to the police academy During the physical test As soon as the examiner blew the whistle I shot out like a rocket The examiners were all shocked This woman has the speed of a dog the agility of a monkey and the courage of an owl I was admitted with high marks After graduation I was assigned to the border I returned to the mountains The chief saw I was good at fighting and even asked who taught me I said my master is in the mountains Our chief said A hidden master Then he told me to get used to the mountains I took the sniffer dog into the mountains to patrol When I saw branches I just couldn’t resist On the way back the dog and I were both carrying firewood Our chief was amazed You adapted way too well Even the sniffer dog turned into a firewood-carrying dog I’ve actually adapted quite well. Even though life has always been tough, I’ve fought my way through many hardships. But the wilderness has given me great vitality. It’s allowed me to protect myself and also protect others. Thank you, everyone. I’m Huoguo. Come on. Huoguo’s ticket-locking channel is now open. Huoguo would like to ask a question. Why did you choose this topic this time? Actually, this is my favorite set of jokes. Even though I only wrote it recently, because of my life in the countryside, growing up with animals, it brought me a lot of joy and energy. That’s why I chose to use it. The story itself I think is quite vivid and interesting. And it’s also quite unique. So the story itself really draws me in. But when I was performing it, I felt a bit hesitant. I’m not sure if it’s because when Huoguo came on stage today, maybe she started off a bit too strong. That’s how I felt. So towards the end, I felt it started to go downhill a bit. It was the atmosphere at the scene. I performed because I think she has some really valuable qualities that I especially like. Of course, there are areas she needs to improve which are also quite obvious. Let me talk about the areas for improvement first. What she talked about was actually a completely personal set. A whole set. Because it’s about a girl basically from childhood to now, almost her whole life. But you have to fit it all into just a few minutes. If you were to tell the whole thing, you would have to cover every aspect. So, moving from one point to another, otherwise, there wouldn’t be enough time. But what makes her valuable is her energy. Yes. And her tremendous charisma and appeal on stage. But there’s one thing, which is, technically, you’re a newcomer. If you were very experienced, like a seasoned performer, her presence on stage should have two qualities: my emotions are at their peak, but I’m also very relaxed. But when we stand there, as soon as our emotions peak, our whole rhythm and everything else also gets intense. It seems a bit tense. That’s something she needs to improve. But the content is so unique. Yes. I’m curious, with your current status, can you still do more stand-up? Or have you already… I can. I’ve already resigned. Did you quit for stand-up? No. It’s actually because my job was at the border for over ten years. And then… (You can’t tell.) (So young!) Actually, I’ve been working for over ten years. And I haven’t really been able to go home much. Now my parents are getting older. I want to go back home. To take better care of them. That’s the right thing to do. So I quit my job. It’s okay. You can come to me if you need to call the police. I can just tell my colleagues. So are you planning to do stand-up full time? Yes. That’s great. It’s all very unique. Whether it’s your experience as a police officer or your childhood experiences growing up, Maybe Hotpot will be your future. On the path of stand-up comedy, there’s endless material. Let’s give another round of applause for Hotpot. And at the same time, let’s invite Shanhe back to the stage. That’s it. No problem. Let’s take a look at the votes for Shanhe and Hotpot. Look. Shanhe is just one point away from 290 votes. Shanhe is just one vote short. It’s okay. Go ahead. Congratulations to Shanhe for advancing. Hotpot needs to stay in the waiting area. Keep waiting. That’s fine. So steady. Thank you, everyone. Shanhe is still in the shield faction. Congratulations. Congratulations. What I want to express with this script is the story of being bullied and fighting back against bullying. But I hid it pretty deeply. I kept hiding it a bit deeper. I hope the audience laughs first. When they hear about me getting hit, they actually let out some sad sounds. Sounds of feeling sorry for me. I’m truly sorry. At that time, I felt like I was a weak person. So I just stood by and watched. I didn’t do anything. But this incident, it happened when I was in middle school. Even now, I still feel very upset and regretful. I wish that if I had a time machine back then, I could go back to that moment. I could stand by her side. What I really want to say is it’s okay. Hang in there, fight back. Things will definitely get better. Because the Shanhe team won, the Shield team needs to send out another performer. Does the Shield team have enough seats? The Shield team has enough seats. Yes, enough. The friend the Shield team is sending out is a mother. She has many stories about family life that she wants to share with everyone. Let’s give a warm welcome to Xiaoxue. Hello, everyone. I’m Xiaoxue. Let me introduce myself first. I’m a middle-aged woman from old Beijing. I’m also the mother of two children. Two kids. One of them is a girl. The other one is also a girl. The older one is already seven this year. The younger one is two. But I’ve found that being with kids really does make you feel younger. Look at me now, every day I feel like I’m as young as a grandchild. A home with two kids. Let me talk about our floor at home. Every day, the older one comes home and kicks off her dirty shoes. She just throws them on the floor. I have to pick up the shoes, wash them clean, and put them back where they belong. The toys the little one has chewed on are all thrown on the floor. I have to pick up the toys, wash them clean, and put them back where they belong. The older one and the younger one take my husband’s toothbrush and play with it on the floor. I pick it up and put it back where it belongs. Okay. It’s not just because I’m tired. The main thing is, both kids are always whining. Do you know what « zī’er zī’er » means in Beijing dialect? It means always crying. That kind of constant whining and crying. The younger one cries a lot. One time, she cried so miserably. Do you know why she was crying? She cried because her five fingers aren’t the same length. She cried for half an hour. She almost made herself throw up from crying. All I could do was stay by her side. You just have to wait until the child calms down. Then you can talk to her properly. I said, « Look, sweetie, » « your toes aren’t the same length either. » The older one cries too. She cries because her dad won’t perform a show for her. He won’t perform for her. The show where he jumps from the ninth floor. I said, « You’re not a little kid anymore, » « Your dad won’t do this performance for you, » « Don’t you know why? » « It’s because your dad doesn’t love you enough. » When there are more kids, if one starts crying again, there will be a contagious effect. One time, the eldest started crying again. She cried because her glass cup broke. I told her, « You don’t need to cry. » « You can think of it as » « breaking for good luck. » She said, « But now I don’t have a cup. » I said, « This is called » « Out with the old, in with the new. » « You’ll get a new cup. » When the younger one heard her sister was getting a new cup, she started crying too. Then I had to comfort the younger one. I said, « I’ll get you a new cup too. » When the eldest heard that, she realized her sister’s cup hadn’t broken. But she was getting a new one anyway. So she would have two cups. Then the eldest started crying again. Now, just close your eyes and imagine this constant whining sound, doesn’t it give you a headache? That feeling is just like the endless chattering of monkeys on both riverbanks. If you don’t want the kids to cry, there’s only one way. Let them play by brushing the floor with toothbrushes. But the real chaos was yet to come. My husband took a fall. It was a minor injury. His leg had a comminuted minor fracture. The eldest was very sensible. She said to me, « Mom, » « This is called breaking for good luck. » I said your dad almost fell to his death. This is called « out with the old, in with the new. » I have a new dad again. When the second child heard this, that her older sister was going to have a new dad, I had to comfort the second child too. I said, I’ll get you a new dad as well. When the older one heard that, that the second child’s dad wasn’t dead, she started whining again. It made me so angry. I said, no one is changing dads. It’s still the same one as before. Both kids stopped crying. But when I thought it was still the same one, I started thinking again. So, the personalities of these two kids are pretty good. If they want to cry, they cry. If they want to laugh, they laugh. They never stop talking. In our extroverted personality types and introverted personality studies, what does this count as? This counts as being extroverted, right? So next, I’ll tell you all about the other extreme of personality. Let me talk about my introvert. My husband is a very, very introverted person. Actually, I talked about this in the last episode too. My husband and I are actually a good match. We’re the kind of couple that people see as having the cutest height difference. I’m 1.70 meters tall. He’s exactly 1.58 meters tall. This is a true story. When we met through a blind date, it was introduced by someone else. Because we were both older, we met for a blind date. The first time we met, he wasn’t interested in me. He wasn’t interested in me. Friends on the second floor, did you hear that? He wasn’t interested in me. He said his ideal partner is a petite, delicate wife. I said, « Oh, come on. » You’re only 1.58 meters tall, and you still want a petite wife? What are you after? So you two can get free admission to the park? It was just the two of us. On our first dinner date, I realized he really doesn’t like to talk. You know, normally, when we order food at a restaurant, you have to call the waiter, right? But he wouldn’t say a word. Guess how he called them? He just waved his hand. If the waiter didn’t come, he would just keep quietly waving like that. It made me so anxious at the time. I said, you’re only 1.58 meters tall, even if you jump and shout, no one will see you. But he just kept waving. I said, what if there was a fire here? A big fire broke out. Would you still call for help like that? He said he wouldn’t do that. Definitely not. He would wave faster. Someone said, « Sis, » look at the way he is now, why do you still go to him? Well, even though he doesn’t like to talk, there’s one good thing about him. He listens to me. When I was giving birth to our eldest, my husband was allowed to be in the delivery room with me. I told him, « This is a rare opportunity. » How about we use the phone, and you record a video for me? Let’s keep it as a memory, right? He really listened. He actually recorded it. But at that time, I underestimated how hard childbirth would be. Do you know how much our eldest weighed when he was born? Ten jin at birth. Some young people might not have a clear idea about ten jin. They don’t really have a concrete concept of it. I specifically looked it up online. I said, a child weighing ten jin— What does that actually weigh? According to Baidu, it’s about the weight of a child. It’s really hard to give birth to one that big. The elderly person really listened to me. I told him to record it. He just stood right across from me. Standing next to the doctor. He quietly held up his phone and filmed. That kind of silence even made the doctor nervous. If you didn’t know, you’d think he was a family member gathering evidence. Even the doctor couldn’t stand it anymore. He said, « Your wife has been in labor for two hours. » « Talk to her, » « Say what you really want to say. » You only react when someone else reminds you. He quickly came over to me and said, « Do you have a power bank? » Between choosing the big or the small, he chose to protect the electricity. But even though he doesn’t like to talk, he speaks from the heart. He truly cares about this family. I’m being completely honest here. One time, he came home from work, and took something wrapped in tissue out of his pocket. It was wrapped so carefully, layer after layer. I asked, « What is it? » When I opened it, there were three cherries inside. They were really big. At his workplace, a colleague had bought the highest quality, premium cherries. He bought a big box of them. He shared them with everyone at work. He got three. He couldn’t bear to eat them. He wrapped them all up for me. When I saw that, I thought to myself, « If only I could marry his colleague, how great would that be. » So actually, I think compatibility in marriage isn’t about someone being perfect, right? Heaven gave me this mini version. His height doesn’t matter. Him not liking to talk doesn’t matter either. What’s important is whether, in his heart, he has you in it. I don’t need a giant in words but a dwarf in actions. What I want is that when I say something, the « dwarf » takes action. And in our family, I don’t need a giant, either. In our family, I can stand tall on my own. In the future, I can also raise two little giants. I’m Xiaoxue. Thank you, everyone. Amazing. Champion. She’s become so polished. Xiaoxue’s voting channel is now open. Let’s give another round of applause to Xiaoxue. I don’t know what’s going on either. In this second round, some of our actor friends compared to the first round, have been replaced. I’m so happy. Yes. I really didn’t expect this today. And I thought it would be pretty hard to talk about. Because it’s all about family stuff, like things about husbands and kids. I thought it would be hard to say anything new. Or anything interesting. But I don’t know what happened today. Anyway, it just feels like every act hit the mark really well. And it was so funny. Especially the part about the power bank. Yeah. She was already wild as soon as she got on stage. Because usually, when others talk, they talk about how cute their kids are. But she kept roasting her own kid. Your husband must be thrilled hearing this. One meter fifty-eight, right? But when he jumps, he must be at least one-sixty. That’s great. Xiaoxue, what do you think? Compared to the first round, is the second round completely different? No. Both of these scripts are like my children. Both of them. Two kids. Now that’s three. Three kids. This script is amazing. How did you come up with the idea to write something but then start criticizing your own « child »? How does that happen? That perspective is so Beijing. Still, you really like kids. You really like kids. I know you do. No one thinks you don’t. I’m just talking about that attitude. It’s just teasing, joking around. Only someone who really loves kids could say something like that. Just now, Mr. Luo Yonghao’s light suddenly had some issues. Mr. Luo Yonghao almost smashed the light. Seriously. Because he wanted to film you. He got so anxious he forgot his manners. He lost his temper with the staff. Because I had to, before it ended, get a shot of this light. To show my respect. Because there were several moments connected to that punchline that had to be filmed. That part was fantastic. Mr. Luo was always there. The light. Generally speaking, I usually film until the very end. But in her case, this could fill two entire scenes. It was just so brilliant. It was so dense and sophisticated. And throughout, she made her husband look absolutely terrible. He seemed completely shattered. But even at the end, it wasn’t overly sentimental. Yet we still instantly felt that deep emotion and love. I’m especially happy for Xiaoxue. Because just before the competition, the two of us ran into each other outside. She told me, looking really worried, asking what she should do. She said she felt a lot of pressure. Because she also understands that with the current tastes in stand-up comedy, when people hear a woman talk about family or her husband, they actually have some reservations inside. It’s like female stand-up comedians after breaking some old shackles, face new ones, like being told, « You’d better not talk about this. » So today I’m especially happy for Xiaoxue. She has paved a new path. It shows that it’s okay to talk about these things. I hope to hear you talk about even more. That was amazing. It’s rare that before finishing her performance, all four lights from the audience panel were already lit up. Everyone lost control. Of course. Out of control. « Out of control » is exactly the right word. It was just so good. So let’s take a look with this as the foundation, Xiaoxue, can you advance directly? Four lights and forty votes from the audience panel is a perfect score. At my age, let’s see whether Xiaoxue can advance directly. She’ll definitely advance directly with this. She definitely made it. Directly advancing. Advancing directly. Highest in the whole venue. This is the highest. The highest. The first female contestant to advance directly. Congratulations to Xiaoxue for advancing directly. And up until now, among all the contestants, she has the highest number of votes. Xiaoxue. Impressive. Thank you. How is it? That’s incredible. So impressive. Thank you. That’s great. That’s great. Awesome. So cool. That’s great. You kids from Beijing… Sit down. I’m not surprised at all. I’m not the least bit surprised. The first show I ever watched of stand-up comedy already had Sister Xiaoxue in it. It was her who made me see Stand-up comedy is really great. I think it broke one of my so-called personal misconceptions. I used to think that the audience was mostly young people who might not really get talks about family and children. But Sister Xiaoxue perfectly proved otherwise. That was also very encouraging for me. There are many women who outside of work are mothers and wives. So I think that’s also a part of women’s lives. She can express that. I just feel that we shouldn’t put new restrictions on ourselves anymore. People don’t have to fit just one mold to be good. What I like about this is that we are all different, but we are all pretty great. When I first entered the industry, I had only heard about the legend of Sister Xue. Because there was a period when Sister Xue returned to her family life. She left this industry. In recent years, Sister Xue has made a comeback. We met in 2019. Six years. She has been on stage persisting for many, many years. She is one of the earliest stand-up comedians. Stand-up comedy accompanied her through marriage, through having children, and through many other things. Then she took these experiences and gave them back on the stand-up stage, sharing them with everyone. She always finds time to spend with stand-up comedy. As soon as I say something, the short one takes action. I’ve never come in first place in my life. I’m just an average person. I’ve reached an average age. Living an average life. I never expected that fate would give me this first place and present it to me online. This time, it actually made me believe that this bracelet was made by my eldest daughter. She knew I was coming here, that I would be leaving her. She personally threaded it for me. A seven or eight-year-old child, really threading it bead by bead, carefully stringing each bead. After she finished, I felt like she had strained her eyes from the effort. She wished me a successful performance. But I think this might be the most precious thing I’ve brought with me. The next friend about to come on stage is also from the Shield Team. In the first round, he left everyone with a deep impression. In the second round, he will share with everyone the life he longs for. Let’s welcome Rui Rui with applause. Ruirui is under a lot of pressure. If Lao Rui can handle it, but he’s steady. Brother Rui is solid. Hi, everyone. I’m Ruirui. Thank you, everyone. The competition pressure is overwhelming. I’ve written a lot of new scripts lately. I handed them to the scriptwriting teacher. After they read what I wrote, they asked me to write new ones. It’s just too much pressure. So I’ll just chat casually. My hometown is a village in Northeast China. But I don’t like rural life. Because the economic conditions aren’t great. It was raining when everyone came today. Right? You know, when we were kids, we didn’t even have umbrellas. If it rained, parents would put a burlap sack over their kids and send them off to school. That’s true. And I don’t know why, parents wouldn’t allow their kids to laugh while wearing the burlap sack. What kind of lousy joke is this? But I like it. The stand-up show is over. I’m really not used to it. There’s another reason. It’s because in a rural area in Northeast China, I also spent a childhood full of superstition. Once when I was a kid, I had a fever of 39 degrees. My family found someone to check on me. They immediately determined the cause. It was either a mycoplasma infection or a deceased relative coming back to see me. The way they treated the illness was also very mystical. It was called « standing chopsticks. » Some of you know this, right? You get half a bowl of water. Stand three chopsticks upright in the water. At the same time, chant the names of deceased relatives. Whichever name you say and the three chopsticks stay standing, that’s the one who has come back. I was burning up with fever on the side. They were over there asking, « Who is it? » I was half-conscious. I thought we had installed a phone at home. « It’s his great-uncle. » « It’s his great-uncle. » « You stay there. » « Great-uncle, » « don’t bother the child anymore. » « The child is young, » « can’t handle too much trouble. » « You should leave now. » « The child’s health is most important. » I thought to myself, so you do know health is most important. If you would just look at me for a second, you should come over first and wipe the foam off my mouth. When he was chanting about my great-uncle, three chopsticks stood upright. That must mean my great-uncle came back. How else would you explain it? It can’t just be because of the water’s surface tension and the effect of air pressure making an axially symmetrical wooden object with a density less than the liquid stand upright like that, right? That would be too absurd. My great-uncle wasn’t educated at all when he was alive. But over there, he became the physics class representative. To be honest, no matter who you chant about, the chopsticks will stand. Even if you say it’s Trump, they’ll still stand up. Using this method to treat a child is way too dangerous if you think about it. Luckily, that day my teacher was worried about me and came to my house to check on me. Thank goodness he came. He was stunned as soon as he walked in. He said, « You guys are being ridiculous. » Then he picked me up right away and said, « You have to kneel for your heart to be sincere. » In the rural areas of Northeast China, both material and spiritual aspects are truly lacking on both levels. Our elementary school was a dangerous building. It was the kind that leaned and tilted. Everyone has seen too many of those buildings that stand straight and upright. But have you ever seen a building that’s always at ease? Just standing there, slightly slouched. Just standing like that. And you know, its ceiling was caved in. Whenever it was windy or rainy, bricks and clumps of dirt would fall onto the ceiling. It was especially dangerous. The children sat inside the classroom, their eyes filled with a dual longing for knowledge and survival. Later, we just accepted it. If something fell on someone, that child was just maybe not meant to go to school. One day, it was windy and rainy. The weather was really bad. The roof was rattling loudly. Our teacher looked at the roof, helpless. He said something to us that I still remember to this day. He said, « Kids, if you get the chance, you must go out into the world. » Before he even finished speaking, we all ran outside. That day, a group of children stood in the rain, watching the building that was always slouched as if it was about to squat down. I wondered why we had to live like this. Kids are supposed to be at school, isn’t school supposed to be an ivory tower? But the tower said, the tower said, « In the wind and rain… » I really don’t quite understand. I don’t get it. Guys, I’m 35 years old this year. I’ve spent the past 35 years working hard on one thing. That is, getting out of the countryside. I worked really hard. I wanted to live in the city. I hope my child can be born directly in the city. So that as soon as they’re born, they can see skyscrapers. Buses and subways. Prepared meals. All of that should be there. Because I live in Shenyang. Now I’ve barely scraped together a down payment to buy a house. I worked really hard for it. Now I’ve finally found my footing in the city. I have a girlfriend. Her family is originally from the city. One time, the two of us were talking. We talked about a certain topic. About the future. What kind of life we want to live. She said the life she longs for most is to have a small courtyard in the countryside. I said, Excuse me? I asked, what do you want to do? She said, I want to have a small courtyard in the countryside. I said, and then? She said, put up a fence. Plant some flowers. Grow some corn. Raise some chickens and ducks. I said, have you been to my house before? She said she likes the atmosphere in the countryside. I think there’s no such thing as an atmosphere in the countryside. She started begging me. She said, « I’m begging you. » « Let’s go live in the countryside together. » « Let’s go back together. » I said I’ve worked hard for over thirty years. I came out to pick you up. That’s true. I don’t know if anyone else is like her. She had never been to the countryside. She longed for it so much. For a while, I couldn’t say no to her. I took her back to my rural hometown once. Before we set off, she was as happy as a little sparrow. The two of us set off. As the drive went on and on, there were more and more mountains around us. She started to get scared. That’s what I said. Later, when I handed her some water, she didn’t dare drink it anymore. I even took a call on the way. I said, « We’re almost there. » « Is everything ready? » After hanging up, I asked her, « Why aren’t you happy anymore? » She said, « You love me, right? » Because we traveled for a long time that day, she eventually noticed the change in the surroundings. She said to me, « Your village is really quite run-down. » I thought your village would be run-down, but I didn’t expect it to be this run-down. I quickly tried to comfort her. I said, « This is just the town, » « We haven’t reached our village yet. » She said the slogan in your town is really well written. I asked, « Which slogan? » She said, « The one that says— » « Tomatoes are a treasure, » « Tomato King can’t go wrong. » I said, « That’s right. » Every bucket of Tomato King uses about one sun-ripened tomato. I’m not even as sunny as it is. What the heck? It’s not easy for a kid from the countryside to land a business deal. What are you guys doing? This is all part of a rural support project. That day, we walked a long way. We finally arrived at my house. But as everyone knows, when you go to a new environment, excitement outweighs nervousness. As soon as she got to my house, she got excited. Because as soon as she entered the gate, she saw a live chicken running around the yard. She said, « I know what that is! » « That’s called a free-range chicken. » « Free-range chickens are great. » But everyone knows people in the countryside are simple and honest. My mom couldn’t tell if that was a compliment or if she was ordering food. That was the chicken’s last day roaming around. The next day, we visited my uncle’s house. She said, « Look! » « Your uncle has a big goose! » « Your house doesn’t even have a big goose. » As everyone knows, people in the countryside are simple and honest. After that, my uncle’s house didn’t have a big goose anymore either. Those days, whatever she complimented ended up dying. One day, they were chatting. My mom said to her, She said, « Thank you for choosing Rui Rui. » She said, « Auntie, » « Please don’t say that. » Ruirui is really great. I told you, don’t praise me. Don’t praise me. Why did I take her back with me? I thought that by going back once, it would break her illusions about the countryside. But I didn’t expect that after she went, she still really liked it. But I know the reason. It’s because we only stayed for seven days. If we stayed any longer, she would definitely find it inconvenient. Seven days is my limit too. It’s also the limit for our village. If we stay any longer, my dad will have to go into the mountains to hunt. Now that I’m away from home, I rarely think back to that rural hometown. Very rarely. But whenever I do think of it, it’s usually when things aren’t going well for me outside. Or when I’m filling out my place of residence. Honestly, friends, I’m 35 years old, but I’m still quite sentimental. Sometimes I’ve imagined that one day, no matter what I’m doing, I suddenly wake up with a start and find myself back in my elementary school classroom. My deskmate would ask me, « What happened to you just now? » I’d say, « I had a very, very long dream. » In the dream, I became an adult, left the countryside, and lived in an apartment building. But later, we lost touch. He’d say, « There’s something I care about. » « When we went to middle school, did we get new classrooms? » I’d say, « Don’t worry, » « you stopped studying after elementary school. » He’d say, « Then if I want to contact you, » « how should I reach you? » I’d say, « Just look for half a bowl of water. » Thank you, everyone. I’m Ruirui. Champion. Ruirui’s ticket-locking channel is now open. Let’s give another round of applause to Rui Rui. Rui Rui, do you think this round was different from the previous one? I think this time I was much more confident than in the first round. I was also a lot more relaxed. Especially after Xue Jie bombed like that, I completely relaxed, you know? I just spoke freely. That was my mindset. And thank you all as well. Thank you for listening. Thank you. About Xiao Xue, I believe that whoever had to go after her was facing every stand-up comedian’s nightmare. I was thinking, whoever follows her is just unlucky. I was anxious about it the whole time. But I didn’t expect you to handle it so calmly and bring your performance to a level on par with hers. That was amazing. I’m really, really happy for you. Thank you, teacher. Can I ask to hear the density and pressure bit again? Go ahead. Come on, that rapid-fire bit. It can’t possibly be under the influence of water’s surface tension and air pressure that an axially symmetric wooden object with a density less than the liquid would stand exactly at the point of gravitational balance and just stay there, right? That’s all. Yes, you’ve practiced. People who can perform on rural stages are truly different. I’m especially happy for you. I just feel all words feel flat. I can’t describe how genuinely happy I am right now. I’m so happy for you. You finally have your own stage. I’m especially, especially happy. I know. Because since last year, the teacher has been saying you’re really reliable. You’re truly excellent. I know. All the way until this year, fortunately, there was a performance that put both of you at ease. Thank you for your constant support. That’s wonderful. I especially feel that an actor’s gradual accumulation is especially valuable. Because over the past year, I often come across your livestreams. You see my livestreams too? There are only 17 people in my livestream room. One of them is me. One of them is probably me. So I’m especially happy. Just seeing someone suddenly able to let their brilliance shine out that feeling of blossoming is amazing. Let me share some news with everyone. Ruirui was actually discovered by Guangzhi. Guangzhi regrets it now. He’s a little regretful. He’s a bit too impressive. Last year, I performed together with Rui. And I didn’t catch him. Then I asked him again, if any shows had contacted him. He said no one had. So I recommended him to come here. But he’s definitely more talented on his own. Today, finally on this stage, he proved himself. And proved that my taste isn’t wrong. I want to ask, why did you end your praise for Rui by praising yourself? I’m just shameless like that. I just like it. Is that not okay, Teacher Zhang? What’s going on? Is that not okay, Teacher Zhang? What’s going on? Go ahead and roast him, that’s right. I did contribute a little to this performance. Teacher He. Don’t. With your current status in stand-up comedy, is there anything you can’t do? Nothing. You’re the teacher. I think the best thing to do now is for everyone to take a look at Rui’s votes. Alright. All four lights from the comedy panel are on. Rui needs someone to challenge him. Or can Rui advance directly again? Please watch. Did you advance? Advanced. Advanced. Advanced. Thank you. Ruirui, 292 votes. Directly advanced. Let’s give Ruirui a round of applause. That’s great. That’s pretty awesome. That’s amazing. « Ruixue » means a good harvest year. I didn’t expect that. When the yellow light above my head turned on, I just felt that kind of halo of life was crowning you. No need to go to the finals anymore. This round is enough. It’s over. This has the authentic flavor. And Rui has a clever touch. He looks rough on the outside, but he’s really cute when telling jokes. Yes, his charm really came out this year. I really envy friends from the Northeast. Because of their environment, and their language, they’re naturally funny. I’m from Shenyang, Liaoning. Shenyang, Liaoning. Shenyang, Liaoning. I’m from Daqing, Heilongjiang. They told me this was a Northeast gathering. Turns out it’s just a Shenyang gathering. The economic situation isn’t good. So everyone’s doing stand-up now. Shenyang, Liaoning Province. Jilin City, Jilin Province. Yanji. Fuxin, Liaoning Province. I’m a true Dalian local. He’s from Wafangdian. That’s a suburb of Dalian. He’s a bit more authentic than me. What he means is He’s a rapper. He just has that natural sense of humor. And he’s a bit cheeky. He likes to jump into conversations. He’s straightforward. He doesn’t beat around the bush. He doesn’t try to sound profound. He never tries to moralize. All of a sudden, he makes you burst out laughing. And Northeastern humor has a kind of more realistic quality. Why are you using such big words? It’s just down-to-earth, relatable. Just dress it up a bit, what’s the harm? And most importantly, it rhymes. Rhyming with rhyming. Four, six, eight. In a word, that’s Er Ge. A big fire burned for two days. My dad was fined six thousand. If you’re talking about literature, I like Shuang Xuetao’s « The Aviator, » « Moses on the Plain, » I like « The Hunter. » Some little passages are especially interesting, I think. It all basically started from skits. « Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow. » I’m Baiyun. I’m Heitu. He’s my husband. She’s my mother. I’m the year of the Rooster. I’m the year of the Tiger. I’m seventy-three. I’m eighty-five. Bro, that’s awesome. What is that? Ninety-eight, ninety-eight, that’s incredible. A bumper harvest. The floods have been driven away. The people live and work in peace. Everyone praises the Party’s leadership. Brilliant. The best TV series to film is « Ma Dashuai. » Yeah, it’s really good. Did I just show my butt? What? Butt. That’s called a flaw. My dad is so big. How could he get lost? Is your dad bigger or is the city bigger? Fan Debiao. These should all belong to the category of the Four Great Classical Novels. Really. « Hamlet. » Should be on par with « Ma Dashuai. » They should be ranked equally. Hamlet and Fan Debiao are both about not being able to escape the embarrassment of human limitations. Yeah. Well said. And I like watching that old show « A Family in Northeast China. » I feel like that was my earliest introduction to comedy. That feeling. And also « Idle Ma Dajie » or something. Is that from the Northeast too? Tianjin, « Idle Ma Dajie. » Then cut this part out, don’t air it. You are a You are a warm-hearted person. You are a You are someone who can’t sit still. What else? To fulfill that dream, Why am I performing Errenzhuan here? Why is that? Isn’t this a talk show? The first month of the lunar year is New Year. The first day of the New Year. The elders go to wish the young a happy New Year. The young should wish the elders. That’s completely backwards. But now there are even more special skills that have developed. For example, jumping through hoops, blowing up gloves, I can do that. Blowing up a glove with your nose. Take an acrobat’s glove, put it over your head, and then blow it up like this. You can blow it up really big. Have you worked in a nightclub in Northeast China? He can do tricks with rice paddles. Just two wooden rice paddles. He can use them to play the rhythm of kuaiban. He can use them to play the rhythm of kuaiban. That’s a skill. A pure skill. As the saying goes, the sky fears dark clouds, the earth fears wind. Chicks fear the old hawk. It’s just embarrassing. I suddenly feel right now that as a tool for others I have no rights at all But now I think if someone is especially outstanding I plan to tear my clothes Shaogang is here Take a look Shaogang is dressed just like Liang Long Teacher Liang Long No, Teacher Shaogang What are you going to do? Press the light How about you sit here You can press my light If you could say a little less I would really appreciate it Sorry Thank you I have an idea If the contestants coming up are each more outstanding than the last and the competition is very close I would like to ask the director team to seriously consider the request I am making now which is that I want to exceed the 30 slots Okay Agreed For example, we all pull up the overall ranking. So, regarding the overall ranking, among those who have already advanced, if someone has the same score, for example, can we agree What I mean is, is it possible to let more outstanding stand-up comedians continue to shine in the next round? Okay. That’s my suggestion. (Okay.) Directors, please let us perform our part, and directors, you can have your meeting on site. Is that alright? They’ve already finished. Up next, still from Agreed. 25 exclamation marks. 25 exclamation marks. Now, the directors have sent me a message on the teleprompter saying « Agreed. » So, everyone, let’s go all out, okay? Okay. Next up is a contestant from the Shield team. In the last episode, he shared that he’s going to be a dad. This time, he’s going to share stories about his own parents. Let’s welcome Jiye with applause. Hello, everyone. I originally thought it would be a shield against a spear. But when the shield goes crazy, it even attacks other shields. You get the « shield » on top but not on the bottom. When an avalanche happens, no one named Rui is innocent. I don’t know why we need to split into groups. It’s unnecessary. Look at this color. It really matches the current state of our stand-up comedy industry. It’s a period of transition. I’m very happy. Let me bring you some performances with less than 290 votes. I’ll stand up first. Then I’m going to get hyped. Let’s get hyped! Alright. In the first episode, I shared my feelings about becoming a father. I’m worried because I honestly don’t really know how to educate my child in the future. In my own childhood, I didn’t receive a very good education. When I was young, my dad used a kind of tough-love education on me. Even when we went to the bathhouse, he would personally scrub my back. Every time we went, I felt like I was being abused at home. His hands were way too strong. Also known as « Bathhouse Astro Boy. » He wouldn’t even wet the towel he used on me. Has anyone ever been scrubbed with sandpaper? He scrubbed my pores wide open. He turned me, a little kid, into SpongeBob. I said, « Dad, it hurts. » My dad said, « If you can’t even handle this little bit of pain, » before you even enter society, your rough edges will be worn down by me first. Good thing I’m not Yue Fei, or the words just tattooed on my back would have been rubbed off. My mom didn’t really care much about my education either. The only time she ever encouraged me was after I took the college entrance exam. She insisted on throwing me a graduation banquet. To celebrate for me. I had no idea what we were celebrating. Celebrating that I got into the top third-tier university in Shanxi Province. It’s not that my mom cared about me, she just wanted to collect gift money. I scored 200 on the college entrance exam, but collected 500 yuan in gift money from relatives. While others fight tooth and nail to cross a single-log bridge, my mom just keeps raking in the cash. She even wanted to invite my teachers. I said, « Mom, » « Which teacher would dare to come? » « You’re not planning to » poison the teachers’ food, are you? » If the teachers really did come, the scene would be just like in Tiny Times. My mom would raise her glass and say, « The reason we’re gathered here today is to celebrate the most outstanding child in our family, Ji Ye. » It’s just too ridiculous, really. Every word of thanks sounds so sarcastic. Without the teachers’ hard work, Ji Ye wouldn’t have made it this far. Thank you, teacher, for all your hard work. The teacher is scared too. I didn’t put in any hard work either. It can’t be today, right? When it comes to education, our family definitely can’t help. Actually, I’m more worried about the child’s health. I’m really afraid the child won’t grow tall. It’s hereditary in our family. My mom is 1.5 meters tall. My dad is 1.5 meters tall with shoes on. Their marriage can be considered fifty-fifty. Truly gender equality. When I was little, just by looking, you could tell we were a family. Both my parents are pretty chubby. Seriously, when we take a family photo, it looks like we’re having a party. Like an egg tart party. If someone gets lost, no one can find anyone. One time, we went to see lanterns. All three of us got lost. On the fifteenth day of the lunar new year, ours was the only family that didn’t reunite. Later, I listened to Accusefive’s music. It really resonated with me. The short ones missed out. I understood this when I was six years old. It’s true, as long as my parents were around, I didn’t dare go far. I’m 1.75 meters tall now. That’s not considered very tall. But if you know where I started, you wouldn’t laugh at where I ended up. The first lottery I ever won was the genetic lottery. I’m afraid my child might not be so lucky. When I was a child, I was often laughed at by others. In middle school, I was only 1.3 meters tall. I wasn’t even as tall as the desk. During class, the teacher said I looked like a crocodile. I couldn’t stand out in class. My deskmate was a boy. We were both very short. It looked ambiguous when we sat together in class. When others raised their hands in class, the two of us could only just reach the desk. Our classmates gave us nicknames. They called him Wu Dalang. I was shorter than him, so I was considered Wu Dalang’s younger brother. They called me Wu Cilang. I’m also worried about what my child will look like. I’m afraid he’ll look too much like me. If he grows up to look like me, he’ll be at a disadvantage. Last month, I attended an event. There was someone else attending with me— a really handsome guy. He was seriously good-looking. My friend tried to comfort me, saying that being that handsome isn’t necessarily useful. After all, he still had to attend the event with you. There was a makeup artist arranged for us. He did makeup for both me and the handsome guy at the same time. Fun fact, everyone: I myself know how to look in the mirror. I know the difference between me and the handsome guy when it comes to looks. But the makeup artist was very professional. He didn’t show any reaction. He really didn’t say, « I’m not doing your makeup. » Or, « I’m not taking this job. » But he did reveal it through some subtle details. He let it slip in small ways. But it wasn’t as obvious as showing it outright. Before he started doing my makeup, he would take a deep breath. But when he does makeup for handsome guys, he exhales. Do you guys get it? The difference between « hu » and « hu »? That’s the makeup artist’s bronchial reaction. A physiological response to different looks. I thought the makeup artist was choking on phlegm. Turns out the makeup artist was choking on looks. He uses different adjectives for the two of us. He first praises the handsome guy for being handsome. Then he uses a bunch of adverbs to modify « handsome ». Super handsome, extremely handsome, especially handsome. If he were typing, I wouldn’t even recognize the word « handsome » anymore. After praising the handsome guy, the makeup artist turns to me and says, « Ji Ye, » « You’re really pale. » I was waiting for the next sentence. There was no next sentence. Just « You’re really pale. » I asked, « Why only one sentence? » I like Liu Zhenyun. « One Sentence Worth Ten Thousand » Even when I praise a steamed bun, I don’t just say it’s white. Just going with « white » alone. Not going to use any adverbs to modify the adjective? Super white, extremely white. Even « Liby » would work. Is your language really that limited? Did you forget everything you learned in elementary school? White as snow. Red as fire. Pink as the clouds at dawn. He didn’t just praise how handsome he was, he also said that the guy was handsome in a particular way, the kind of handsome that’s well-behaved. It was the first time I realized that there could be so many nuances to being handsome. But ugly is just ugly. No one would ever say, « Ji Ye, you’re so ugly, » « the kind of ugly that’s rebellious. » And that makeup artist would first praise the handsome guy, then turn around and compliment me for being fair-skinned. I know the makeup artist was trying to please everyone, but I’ve never seen someone try to balance things so awkwardly. It was like trying to balance a whole Huangguoshu Waterfall. If you can’t keep the water level, just spill it on the ground, no need to splash it on my face. He spent the whole day saying how fair Ji Ye was, but only I knew that Ji Ye isn’t actually fair-skinned, it’s just the foundation that’s white. I’ve always worried about my child’s looks and education. I’m afraid he’ll suffer the same way I did. Until last month at a family dinner, my dad started talking about the child we might have in the future. He said, « You’re not good-looking, » « and you’re not that smart, » « so the kid definitely shouldn’t be like you. » I said, « Yeah, » « because I’m just like you. » My wife interrupted us, and said, « Why can’t the child be like you? » « Even though you’re like this, » « I still love you. » I was really moved at that moment. I really wanted to ask my wife. I wanted to ask, « What am I like? » But I didn’t say it out loud. Because I know that, just like my child, no matter what, it’s always her. That’s what love looks like. Alright, thank you, everyone. I’m Jiye, thank you all. Thank you. Jiye after a long sigh. Ticket locking countdown. Thank you. Thank you, everyone. Ji Ye’s performance just now was outstanding. Especially since he performed after those two contestants. It was really hard to follow them. Very hard to follow. But in your first half, I think you almost managed to keep up. It even felt like you were on par with them. So I was sitting here, eagerly anticipating. But starting from the part about handsome guys, and your bit after that, it felt like the content in the second half of your act was not as strong as the first half. Right, because it’s a new bit. Yes, so the earlier part felt very polished. But the latter part felt of course, it didn’t quite match the quality of the first half. The quality and level weren’t the same. It was a bit like a small horse pulling a big cart. It wasn’t bad, but it just dropped off. I understand. I hope you understand. You know how I feel about you. I know, Teacher Luo. As for how I feel about you, maybe you don’t know. I’ve been hanging out in your livestream a lot lately. Buying maternity and baby products Bought way too much And things are really cheap in Teacher Luo’s livestream Basically, I feel the same as Teacher Luo Right at the beginning I was still laughing like crazy And because the first two were really explosive Then my feelings and Sister Luyu’s were pretty much the same We were kind of too tired to laugh Completely unable to laugh anymore We were almost hoarse from laughing But I still really like what Jiye said Thank you, Teacher By the end, I just couldn’t laugh anymore Physically, my laughter couldn’t keep up The later part really wasn’t as good as the beginning But still, somewhere in the middle I would definitely clap Yes So it’s still a I think it’s a pretty good bit It all just felt really good And Jiye just feels like his family really loves him He has a really wonderful family Right Jiye’s family Um, Teacher Da, can you not every time be so sudden like this? If a joke isn’t sudden, how can it work? It’s fine, just set it up a bit So have you been writing scripts for shows lately? It’s just a bit, in my mind Yeah, I really can’t handle it anymore It’s okay Let’s take a look at Jiye’s votes The Mao group needs to start the mic grab. The people from the Mao group are coming. Li Wen It just so happens that Jiye and I are also very good friends. So if we can perform together, I’d be especially happy. The two of us are really good friends. Yes, we really are. I don’t know how many fake friends he has outside, but at least our friendship is real. Jiye, take a short break. Okay. The next performer coming on stage is currently the only one left on stage who is still a university student. Please give a warm welcome to Li Wen. Hi Thank you, I’m Li Wen. I’m currently in graduate school. I’m in my third year of grad school. I just finished my graduation defense last week. It was so hard, guys. So difficult. That master’s defense was really much harder than the undergraduate defense. Because during undergrad, you actually know what your thesis is about. You know what you wrote. But my master’s thesis, let alone a master’s student, even an academician wouldn’t understand it. No one could understand it. So throughout my defense, I felt really unconfident. From the moment I walked up to the podium, you could feel my whole vibe was just hoping for the best. It was written all over my face: « Even if I didn’t achieve much, at least I worked hard. » Standing on that podium, I just wasn’t confident. Back in undergrad, I was so confident up there. Standing on that podium, no matter which professor was in the audience, I’d just greet them right away. Hello professors, I’m Li Wen. But for the master’s defense, I felt like I was faking it. As soon as I got up there, it felt like I was just performing. The moment I stood on the podium, it all began. Hello, esteemed professors. It’s an honor to participate in this defense. I am Professor Zhu’s student. Every sentence, friends, is a technique. Addressing the professors respectfully is to elevate them. Saying it’s an honor to participate lowers yourself. It’s about being humble. That part in the middle, is to act cute. At the end, you have to introduce yourself. Saying you are Professor Zhu’s student is to let them know that you should respect the owner before scolding the dog. Also, before the defense, there’s another important step. It’s called the blind draw. Some theses are randomly selected for blind review. This is very tough. It’s easy to fail. No one wants to be selected. Everyone prays before the draw. They make wishes. I say, please don’t pick me. Don’t pick me. Heaven and earth spirits, please help me. My roommate got anxious hearing this. He said, “Ptooey, ptooey, ptooey!” Don’t bring up spirits when it comes to your thesis. I have some thoughts after finishing my defense. I feel like the defense isn’t much different from doing stand-up comedy. When I was on that defense stage, I was speaking with all my effort, just for the people sitting below to vote for me. There were also four advisors sitting in the middle. The things I was saying, as soon as they heard them, they wanted to laugh. But it didn’t matter. They were still very tolerant. Because the people sitting below were Teacher Zhu and his friends. I’ve figured it out, everyone. I’ve really figured it out. Doing stand-up should be just like a defense. When I get on stage, I just bluff. Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. I just start performing as soon as I’m up there. Once I stand on this stage, I begin. Hello, esteemed audience. It’s an honor to perform for you all. My script was revised by Li Dan. I just say whatever comes to mind. That’s how my graduate studies went. It was pretty average. Someone advised me before I started. They told me not to go to graduate school. It was my dad’s good friend, Uncle Liu. So, who is Uncle Liu? Uncle Liu is a nouveau riche. He didn’t even go to high school. But he caught the wave of the times. He made his fortune raising pigs. So he always thought studying was useless. If you tell him « there’s a house of gold in books, » He’ll say « there’s a house of gold in pigs. » When he recalls not going to high school, or not taking the college entrance exam, he doesn’t regret it at all. He doesn’t feel any remorse. He only feels lucky. He even thinks it was a close call. I almost let knowledge change my fate. So whenever he sees me, he especially likes to do one thing now. He loves to quiz me with all sorts of questions. Because he hopes to stump me. Then he can prove, you see, that reading all these books is useless. I remember one time meeting him, we were at the dinner table, both pretty drunk. He started asking, he said, « Xiao Li, let me ask you, you graduate students, all day long, what exactly do you study? » I thought, why are you asking me this? Are you planning to take the graduate entrance exam? But since he’s an elder, I still had to answer him properly. So I thought I’d just mention some professional knowledge to shut him up. I said, « I’m researching the toluene disproportionation reaction to produce para-xylene. » I didn’t expect him to say, « I understand. Benzene is toxic. Even pigs would die if they ate it. You should be careful. » I said, « Uncle Liu, it’s like this: we college students aren’t the same as pigs. And toluene isn’t the same as benzene. Toluene has one more methyl group than benzene. Toluene is relatively safer. » I thought he wouldn’t have anything more to say. But then he said to me, « I understand. Then why don’t you research something real? » Guys, that’s exactly what he said. As soon as he finished, I understood. He didn’t actually want to know the answer to that question. He wouldn’t even understand the answer. He just wanted to test me. So I figured it out too. I could say whatever I wanted. I said, honestly, it’s really expensive. We can’t afford it. Guys, I thought I was being sarcastic. But as soon as he heard me say we can’t afford it, he got all fired up. He said, « You can’t afford it? » « Tell Uncle Liu how much you need. » It felt like he just had to start a battle between money and knowledge. I felt like he was humiliating me. I said, « A million. » Guys, I gave a ridiculous price. Because a bottle of toluene only costs 25. But without even thinking, he made the sound of opening a soda bottle at me. He said, « A million? » « Uncle Liu will pay for it. » « You just go study that for real. » I was like, huh? At that moment, I felt Uncle Liu’s fatherly vibe was so strong. I feel amazing, my friends. Just three sentences. This man spent a million on me. Of course, I know Uncle Liu is just bragging after drinking too much. But he hasn’t had enough yet. If Uncle Liu drinks a bit more, he’ll start talking more about his life. He’ll talk about raising pigs and the skills and experience he gained from it. Even the philosophies he learned from pigs. He goes on and on. I really can’t listen anymore. I want to raise my glass to interrupt him. I say, Uncle Liu, that’s enough. Let’s toast to the pig teacher. But Uncle Liu won’t stop. Uncle Liu just won’t stop. He’ll keep talking. He’ll talk about his pig farm. He says his pig farm now is so advanced, so modern. All the pigs live in their own rooms. They eat on time every day. They sleep on time. Their rooms even play music they like. I still didn’t quite get it. My dad tapped me. He said, how is that any different from you? When he said that, there was a bowl of stir-fried pork on the table. I looked at the stir-fried pork. I said, maybe I can change my own fate. That’s all for now, thank you everyone. Bye-bye. Li Wen’s ticket channel is now open. Why did Li Wen think of writing about this? Because most of my jokes are based on a character and a setting to tell a story. This time, I chose this story because I wanted to talk about my attitude towards studying and going to school. My perspective on this matter. Because I think studying is truly a very important thing. Many times, when I hear some elders they might have some survivor bias and say things that I think aren’t quite right. So I want to share my own perspective and talk about it too. Anyway, when I listen to his stories I feel very comfortable. Yes, comfortable. And it feels like something very close to us, very vivid and lively. Also, Li Wen’s stand-up has a special trait: if you look at these two times, there’s always someone we remember. Right. Teacher Zhu and Uncle Liu. Teacher Zhu has always been there. I just feel a bit regretful. Because last time was amazing. That feeling really hooked people. And it stuck with us. It was really great. It makes you really look forward to it. And then, after the real or fake part, it just ended. Uncle Liu doesn’t have a catchphrase. He just didn’t create one. A catchphrase comes out. It’s that one that keeps going back and forth. The punchline that circles around you. The identifying feature is a bit lacking. Yes, it’s a bit of a pity. Look at his image and temperament. And he expresses himself calmly and comfortably. Everything about his performance is like that. It’s like in a talk show, where there are a lot of « mudslides » or whatever. He’s the typical fresh and light style. Li Wen Actually, you and Uncle Liu don’t need to convince each other. You just have your own pursuits. Meituan Flash Sale can help both of you communicate. You help Uncle Liu buy a book. Uncle Liu gives you a pig. Meituan Flash Sale becomes your house of gold. This performance is good in every aspect. But in every dimension, it’s just a little bit worse than the last round. So I hesitated and didn’t press the button. For every performance, you use a cleverly designed script to recreate a character you’ve seen. As a series of performances, we’re also really looking forward to it. We just hope it can maintain the quality of the previous round. That might be even more appealing. Really looking forward to it. Let’s give another round of applause to Li Wen. Ji Ye returns to the stage. Let’s take a look at the scores for Ji Ye and Li Wen. Ji Ye 245 Successfully advanced Meanwhile, Li Wen has to keep waiting in the waiting area Gou has made it in It was so hard I’m about to break It’s okay There’s only one person left in the Shield Group now This is the last performer from the Shield Group In the previous episode He shared with everyone some of his thoughts about life This time he wants to talk about some of his feelings about himself Please welcome Kid with a round of applause Hello, everyone. I’m Kid. Hello to the friends on the second floor. Lately, I often feel like I’m stuck in the middle, neither here nor there. For example, my education. I just have an ordinary bachelor’s degree. It’s hard to get immediate recognition from the audience. Look at us well-educated performers. When they come on stage, Columbia University, Peking University, graduate degree— the audience instantly recognizes them. They say, « He must be very deep, » or « He must be very thoughtful. » That’s why I never mention my school. Because I know if I say my school on stage, the audience will just say, « Why is he talking about this? » « It’s just an ordinary bachelor’s degree. » Nothing special, neither here nor there. Same with my ranking and fame. You have no idea how many times in the past year when I went out with my famous friends, how many times people thought I was their manager. And how many times people mistook me for Li Xingliang. This really makes me feel bad. I am really… What did I do? What did I do wrong? Even a few days ago, I wrote a business script. I was very serious about it. I worked on it for a week before handing it to the client. Do you know what the client said? The client said, « We don’t want such an ordinary stand-up show. » They asked if I’d seen Fu Hang. Or if I’d seen Hulan. I was honestly a bit anxious at that moment. I said, « Bro, is this really about whether I’ve seen them or not? » The men’s soccer team plays like this, is it because they’ve never watched foreigners play soccer? Don’t they watch it every four years? So it’s not like they turn on the TV, see the World Cup, and suddenly have an epiphany, « Oh, you can play like this? » « You can actually kick the ball into the goal? » If anything, it’s the foreign teams watching China play, and thinking, « You can play like this? » It’s really frustrating. I said, « What’s wrong with being ordinary? » You know, every time I hear on stage the story of Tian Ji’s horse racing, I always deeply empathize with the average horse in the story. The middle-tier horses have it the worst. Every day, they’re anxious about being overtaken by the lower-tier horses at any moment, but also feel that with a bit more effort, they could become top-tier horses—a false hope. But neither group accepts you. The top-tier horses think you’re different, while the lower-tier horses think you’re just like them. So you end up with the most pressure. Think about it: When Tian Ji talks to the top-tier and lower-tier horses, he probably says the same thing to both. « Relax, » « Just go through the motions and treat it like a game. » But when it comes to the middle-tier horses, you really have to run your best. In our country of Qi, the overall environment— you’ve seen it yourself. If you don’t run, there are plenty of other horses eager to take your place. And then they’ll try to manipulate you mentally. Ever since my first year competing, our boss would always tell me before the show started, and say to me, « Do your best, » « You’re a dark horse in my eyes. » But later I realized, he said that to everyone. Turns out, our whole company is full of ‘dark horses.’ And then you all saw it too these dozens of dark horses run like this every year Why Everyone always thinks if I work a bit harder I can cross classes and become a top horse But actually, truly crossing classes isn’t about becoming a top horse it’s about becoming Tian Ji, my friends Let me give a random example Has anyone watched « Qi Pa Shuo »? (Yes) I really love watching « Qi Pa Shuo » Every year, when it gets to the finals the trailer always says let’s look forward together to who will have the last laugh I say, who will have the last laugh Ma Dong Who will have the last laugh, right? He doesn’t just laugh at the end He laughs from start to finish He laughs from morning till night When he comes out at night it’s already dark So let’s hurry up and start « Wonderful Night of Joy » The truth of life is endless cycles. Whether you are a top, middle, or bottom horse, you’re just a chip on someone else’s table. What can you really change? You can only change your own mindset. I’m doing okay. Back when I was in school, I was just an average student in a regular class. But I had a really good attitude. One day, my deskmate broke down from studying. She cried. She said the students in the advanced class were the ones truly living life. Our futures are different. Our environments are different. Our destinies are different. We have nothing in common. I told her, we pay the same tuition. Right? It’s all about mindset. Futures, environments, destinies— to me, there’s only one thing: our parents are different. Are we not as good as those above us? It’s just that our ancestors weren’t as good. With my grades, I wouldn’t have gotten into college. Luckily, I met a really great homeroom teacher. After meeting him, I realized that even mentors come in levels: top mentors, middle mentors, and lower mentors. At the start of my second year in high school, he came to our class and said, when you add up the total scores, last year, our class was the lowest in the regular classes. But classmates, this is not a failure. It’s just that we’re not particularly good at calculating the total score. Everyone must, during this semester, find the subject they’re best at and focus on it intensely. Some students said, « Teacher, I don’t have anything I’m good at. » The homeroom teacher replied, « Child, it’s impossible for a person to have no strengths. » « Don’t worry, » « I’ll be here with you. » « If you’re not good at Chinese, try English. » « If English doesn’t work, try math. » « If none of those work, » « let’s try art. » Friends, it was then that I understood what ‘rigid trial education’ really means. Even that one sentence of his has benefited me to this day. You’re not a failure. You’re just not particularly good at it. We all have different things we’re good at. Even the finest horses have their shortcomings compared to lesser horses. We could compare our sleep with Musk, or our hearing with Beethoven. Your pain comes from always comparing yourself upwards. But why compare upwards? Let’s compare downwards. Once you start comparing downwards, you’ll realize you can’t always win by looking up, but looking down, you might feel amazing. Looking down, you might feel amazing. I’m not trying to tell everyone to just give up. I just think when the whole world is making things hard for you, you should be the first to let yourself off the hook. I often say to myself in the mirror, « Kid, the highest you might ever reach in this life is just being ordinary, unnoticed, just like everyone else, wearing Lululemon, this is the most you might ever achieve. » You have to go easy on yourself, because others won’t. They’ll even categorize your ordinariness, saying you can be ordinary, but you can’t be mediocre. Have you heard that saying? (I have.) You can be ordinary, but you can’t be mediocre. The first time I heard it, I was really angry. I thought, what’s the difference? Aren’t those just synonyms? If I’m already ordinary, why split it even further? Then I could say to rich people, « You can be wealthy, but you can’t be prosperous. » If you insist on being both wealthy and prosperous, then could you while being both wealthy and prosperous, also be my father? » I’m not one to compete stubbornly. A lot of my friends do, though. They grit their teeth and push through. « Thirty years on the east bank, thirty years on the west bank. » I don’t really understand this saying. Look, we subconsciously think the west bank is better. But when you actually get to the west bank, you might realize the housing prices there are twice as high as on the east bank. You’ll also find that the west bank is divided into outer ring, middle ring, and inner ring. I never wanted to live thirty years on the east bank and thirty years on the west bank. I want a life like thirty years as Ma Dong, thirty years as Jack Ma. Give me that kind of life. But if it’s not in my fate, then it’s just not. Do you think I never thought about it? Of course I have. The first year I entered a competition, I wanted to blow everyone away and win first place. To stand out from the crowd. To be « above others. » That day, I was fired up just thinking about it. I wanted to carve into my desk « Reject mediocrity. » But as I was carving, I realized I didn’t know how to write « mediocrity. » So I immediately accepted myself as I am. When I looked at my desk, it said « Reject plainness » instead. I thought, compared to mediocrity, I seem to be naturally better at being ordinary. That’s all, thank you all. Thank you. Cool. Kid ticket lock countdown. Let’s give another round of applause to Kid. He mentioned the theory of the average horse. It’s actually quite interesting. Yes. But you still didn’t press the light. That’s right. It’s just that Kid is definitely giving one of his better performances today. And then, Have you really made peace with yourself? Have you really let it go? Or is it just for the show? I don’t think this is just for the show. This is just my current situation. No one doesn’t want to be better. I feel like I rarely press the light for you. We’ve had so many seasons together. Yes. But actually, I think you have a lot of talent. I’m not just saying that. I really like you. I’m looking forward to it. Really looking forward to it. Thank you, Teacher Luo. Thank you. I think Kid since the last presentation, has already transformed. I think after that he has always been really good. Including this piece. I personally like it a lot. But I just feel there’s a slight flaw. It’s that some of the jokes aren’t particularly new. Or they’re within my expectations. Actually, for me, because I this is also a script I wrote in the past ten days. And coming to record the show this year, what I really want to achieve is to make the content more functional. Because maybe a lot of people watching through the screen our show have already had a long day. I think our stand-up needs to serve as a kind of « digital pickle » function. Last year, I kept talking about my own stories. There are still many pains I haven’t shared. But I feel maybe this year I don’t want to focus so much on myself. I want to think about what people might like to hear lately, or what they want to hear, and what I want to say, and find a balance between them. Find that balance. I just wrote this article. Really. I have to say, I really like it. I think the examples are brilliant. That pun, that part, can comfort a lot of people. Right? At that moment, I felt like I understood something inside. And that point he made was especially good. Like comparing hearing with Beethoven. Because Beethoven couldn’t speak either. He wouldn’t call himself a thoroughbred. Because he couldn’t speak Chinese. But the main point is, it doesn’t matter, even if you say it, he can’t hear you. It’s fine. Right? Maybe. Really. He can’t hear it either. I want to grab fate by the throat. But I think this is a kind of relief. Because everyone is a top-class horse. How anxious they must be. And I don’t know. This « top-class » status, many times, is just an illusion, right? Because I’ve seen many so-called top people. They’re not standing at the top. They’re nailed to the top. Do you understand? Yes. It hurts them a lot. And actually, being in the middle or lower class sounds a bit unpleasant. But they have their own freedom. They have their own liberty. Actually, then I think that’s also a kind of scenery. I think it’s pretty good this way. Thank you. I think he helped me solve a problem I’m currently facing. Well, I guess you could call it a problem. Especially when I first came in the first round, I had a really big concern. I actually told the production team about it many times. Among all the members of this comedy group, I felt that my professional knowledge of stand-up comedy was not as good as the other mentors’. So I was really anxious about it. I completely disagree. Your sense for stand-up comedy is actually really good. You just haven’t heard a few stand-up comedy terms, that’s all. Mr. Luo, what I just said was actually just to set the stage for myself. That was funny. Very good. I was wrong. Now I’m going to change direction. Okay. Go ahead and deliver the punchline. After listening to Kid talk about this part, I actually feel liberated. I actually don’t need to be the top performer in this comedy group. I’ll just be a wild horse. I’ll just go with my own feelings. It’s fine to stay on my own freestyle track. A wild horse is great. Let it run free. Being a wild horse is the happiest. Let’s give a round of applause to Kid. Thank you. Let’s take a look at Kid. He has 30 votes now. Is he going to face a challenge? This is the last contestant from the Shield team. That’s right. There are still three contestants in the Spear team. They are Axiu, Bu Jingyun, and Xiao Siye. So, is there anyone who wants to challenge Kid for the mic? Countdown starts now. Stand up. I’m standing. Stand up. Little Fourth says he thinks he can win. Stand up. Everyone just stand up. Little Fourth. Because he’s already a mid-level horse. But I’m still a newcomer. I’m still a low-level horse. No. You’re a dark horse, right? Come on, let’s compete. Come on, Kid, take a little break. Let’s race. Go, Little Fourth! Go for it! The next performer to take the stage made it through the last round and squeezed into the poverty track. Today, he will continue to share with everyone what it feels like to be poor. Let’s welcome Little Fourth with applause. Thank you. Hello, everyone. I’m Little Fourth. Did you all just notice that when the performers come on stage, they always greet the friends on the second floor? Actually, it’s on purpose. If it weren’t for the fact that you can vote, no one would care about you. But I care. Hello, everyone. Thank you. Of course, I hope you all are well too. Just kidding, back to myself. Actually, before I started doing stand-up, I used to check tickets at the entrance of a small theater. But the salary for a ticket checker is very low. How low, you ask? Once, my dad asked me how much I earned. After I told him, he tried to comfort me and said, He said, « It’s okay. » « Other people in Shanghai are enjoying all the good food, » « You should… » « You should at least be able to smell it, right? » « It’s okay. » « They’re just smelling it before you do. » « After all, there’s an order to who gets to smell it first. » I’m broke at the end of every month. But some people are broke because they choose to be. They earn a lot and spend a lot. But people like me, who earn little, are broke passively. It’s not like I want to be broke. But Shanghai doesn’t agree. They say I’m broke, but actually my money never lasts a full 31 days. For my money, every month feels like a leap month. To save money, I basically skip breakfast. I only eat two meals a day. Even though I live in China’s most prosperous city, I always feel like I’m staying in a cheap hotel. The kind that doesn’t include breakfast. I can’t even bear to spend small amounts. Often, when I leave the subway and see it’s raining, there are people selling umbrellas nearby. But I can’t bring myself to buy one. So I just wait for the rain to stop. But it just keeps raining harder. I even talk to the rain, saying I liked you better when you were small. How did you get so big in the blink of an eye? You used to just sprinkle on me when you were little. I’m already so broke, what makes me angry is there are still people trying to make me spend more. The rent for my previous apartment went up, so I have to look for a new place. The agent told me, he said, actually, you might as well pay a bit more and rent the one next door with a balcony. But I was too embarrassed to say directly that I don’t have money. So I said, I want a balcony, but it’s useless, I don’t want to jump off it yet. He wouldn’t give up, and kept persuading me, saying a balcony is convenient for drying things. I said, no need, what do I even need to dry? I can just post on my social media. To prove the apartment isn’t expensive, he tried to convince me, saying it doesn’t actually cost much more. On average, it’s just the price of one meal a day. I said, I’ll go home and think about it. The agent said, what’s there to think about? I said, I’m thinking about which meal to skip. I’ve also run into insurance salespeople. They called me, trying to get me to buy insurance. They said it’s just the price of one meal a day. But I don’t even have one meal a day. I asked, what kind of insurance is this? He said, accident insurance. I asked, does starving to death count as an accident? He said, no, it doesn’t. I thought to myself, yeah, it really doesn’t. If I skip that many meals, starving to death would be expected, not an accident. Have you noticed that all these sales pitches are pretty much the same? I even ran into one at the subway entrance who was trying to sell me a gym membership. He kept pestering me, saying « Bro, we have a promotion, it’s not expensive. » « For us guys, » « it’s just the price of a pack of cigarettes a day. » I said, « I don’t smoke. » He said, « Then it’s just the price of a cup of milk tea. » I said, « I don’t drink milk tea either. » He said, « Well, you eat, right? » « It’s just the price of a meal. » I really hate that line. I said, « Do you know how many meals I eat a day? » How many meals? Do you know that before you, two other salespeople already took away my meals? If you take away one more meal, am I supposed to owe you a meal now? Do you want me to go out and beg for a meal for you? If I listened to all you salespeople, I’d end up with a balcony, insurance, and never eating. (Gym) And still going to the gym, doing cardio on an empty stomach. As soon as I get on the treadmill, I can’t run anymore. The coach says, « You didn’t eat, did you? » I said, « That’s right. » Wasn’t it you at the subway entrance who told me to eat less? Still doing cardio on an empty stomach If I keep staying hungry Will cardio even work for me anymore? Even oxygen is useless to me now The only use oxygen has for me is to help burn so I burn faster than others during cremation Definitely faster than others Because I’ve already burned fat in the gym Whoever rents my place after me will definitely be happy The rent will definitely be cheaper Great A haunted house And among haunted houses it’s the most popular type I’m a starving ghost Who’s afraid of a starving ghost? A starving ghost sounds so weak Just wave some bread and you’ll distract him Go eat, you I think these salespeople have a double standard when it comes to money Because when they want us to spend more money they act like they don’t care at all, right? “It’s just one meal a day” But when we try to bargain with them they suddenly care a lot about money and become so stingy, right? They say not a single cent less If it’s any less I’ll be losing money How much can a salesperson really lose? At most, just the cost of one meal a day You don’t care, do you? Anyway, I won’t listen to them. And I definitely won’t eat less. Whenever I have money, I eat. Of course. If any of my friends work in sales, please don’t think I have any prejudice against the sales profession. Because I used to work in sales too. But I never said I only had one meal a day. Because I’ve been through tough times. I used to hate that saying. It was because life was really hard. Now that I can afford to eat, I don’t dislike it as much. Now I even welcome my friends in sales to recommend houses with balconies to me. After all, I’m on a show now. There are more things I need to air out. Alright, that’s all for today. Thank you, everyone. That was amazing. Countdown to Xiao Siye’s ticket lock. A round of applause He’s amazing How is he so good? A masterclass So impressive Everyone here Have you noticed I think a lot of actors might be intimidated by your silence in the front But Xiao Siye still kept his calm pace stayed in his own rhythm Really And it was just one meal Seriously And that line was especially catchy Just the cost of a meal I also want to mention his tone It’s really stuck in my head The more he said, the longer it got It sounded more and more like he was acting cute Yeah Why is it just the cost of a meal? And he was holding a shabby meal. Kept turning it over and over. Yeah, just that one line. I was counting in my head. Five, six, seven, eight times. Counting. I was already losing track. And he could still bring it back in the end. It was really a show of skill. How did he even come up with that? It was just about the cost of a meal. Just this little thing. And I even think Guangzhi was lucky to change his style. Otherwise, he couldn’t hold his ground in the « poor guy » lane. He couldn’t beat him. He’s too fierce. No. But in the « poor guy » lane, there’s a new member, Gao Han. Gao Han is just pretending to be poor. No. Gao Han is a fallen phoenix. I’m much richer than both of them. See? Gao Han, what do you think of Xiao Siye’s performance? I’m scared. Last time I competed with him, and then we did a post-interview. I asked him how many scripts like that he had left. He said he had a main act. I said, then from now on, I won’t compete with you anymore. Xiao Siye, let me ask you, after doing stand-up comedy, has your life changed? Now I live in a 40-square-meter rental. It used to be also a large studio. A large studio. Ten square meters. And there’s another piece of news, Da Laoshi. After he got some money, one of his expenses was going to your concert. No. It was Da Laoshi who was generous. He invited me to go. That’s right. Thank you. I just heard this was your first time attending a concert. Yes. It really was my first time in my life. So I’m very grateful to you. Normally, this isn’t within my spending range. Don’t say that. It wasn’t that expensive. But the main thing is that you enjoyed it. Did you have a good time? I had a great time. It was way more exciting than a stand-up show. The first time I waved my lightstick was because I thought Xiao Siye was amazing. As soon as he came on stage, he challenged everyone with a different approach. He said, « Friends on the second floor, » Offend the audience first Because at the very beginning what made me fall in love with stand-up comedy was when I watched those foreign shows I thought, « You can talk to the audience like this? » Because they have confidence First, I offend you and then make you love me later Not really Yeah That instantly reminded me of the moment I first fell in love with it the thing that made me like this Because no one ever told me growing up that you could talk like this At that moment, I just had to hit the light It instantly reminded me of when I first saw the charm of this art Yes And today, at the live show we also have Xie Haihan, the manager of Sixiao Comedy because Xiao Siye performs at their club How would you evaluate Xiao Siye’s performance today? Before he went on stage I was extremely nervous Old Wang next to me kept telling me to laugh But I was nervous the whole time I was nervous for him I actually couldn’t really laugh But after it ended I think he pulled it off The label he had before was « the hope of the whole village » And I think in these two shows he really lived up to it He has another point. It left a deep impression on me. It’s what he said, when the rain was light. Rain, I still liked you when you were small. You even drenched me before. Everything he says feels so unexpected. You only know there will be a twist. But you never know what it will be. That’s the genius part. And it’s really hard to come up with this stuff. Why would someone think like that? Impressive. Really amazing. Xiao Siye, I want to say something to you. Next time, if you run into rain, don’t worry at all. No need to be anxious. Just open Meituan and use Flash Sale. In thirty minutes, an umbrella will be delivered right to you. Remember this: Meituan Flash Sale is your timely rain, and also your umbrella of protection. Thank you. Now, the second round is full of surprises. Let’s give another round of applause to Xiao Siye. Thank you. At the same time, Kid returns to the stage. Let’s take a look at the total number of votes. Affirming Xiao Siye. 265 275 285 Both of them have high scores. Kid They are evenly matched. Both are very high. Xiao Siye, 276 votes Advances to the next round. Kid, 260 votes Also has a high number of votes. Take a short break. What makes Xiao Si Ye so impressive is he’s just so unique. I think for the next ten or twenty years, no one else will have his style. Also, Xiao Si Ye is actually a pretty aggressive performer. Like today, the first thing he said on stage was, « Audience on the second floor, no one actually cares about you. » That was pretty cool. I really liked that. I especially liked that. I think he’s so real. So genuine. He very sharply noticed something. Because we didn’t have a second floor before. It’s just a simple truth. A « simple truth » kind of comedy technique. It’s like saying, « The emperor seems to have no clothes. » Just like that little kid. A lot of what comedians do is just say the truth out loud. And then everyone laughs. I think he has an incredible ability to get into your head. For the next few days, you might keep repeating what he said. It’s just the cost of one meal. I don’t know if that’s accurate. Do you want to know how many meals I eat a day? Do you know how many meals I eat a day? I only eat one meal a day. I only eat a few meals a day. It’s just the price of one meal. Xiao Si Ye is just so talented. Do you know how many meals I eat a day? That’s enough. That’s enough. You’ve lost to your opponent twice in a row. Does it make you a little sad? Honestly, if you say you’re not sad, that’s not true. But in this competition, the number of votes says it all. It shows that your writing still isn’t good enough. But at the very least, I expressed what I wanted to say. I just hope that many friends when they open this video, can feel that there’s someone in this world just like me, who is in the same predicament. And maybe, after a laugh, they’ll get through it. I think happiness is aiming lower and being content with what you get. According to the current rules, since all the actors in our Shield camp have finished their performances, we will officially begin the open ranking competition. There are 30 spots to advance in this round. Currently, 22 people are in the advancement zone. There are 8 spots left. The contestants in the open ranking competition will compete with the current pending zone and the contestant ranked eighth in votes, Seven. Now, the next contestant about to take the stage is someone I really, really like. In the first round, they also left a deep impression on everyone. A small frame, but great energy. Let’s give a warm round of applause to Axiu. Hello to everyone on the second floor Hello to everyone on the first floor Thank you all for your hard work Thank you Thank you, everyone My name is Axiu I have a very stubborn personality So you can call me « Stubborn Xiu » (Stubborn Xiu) That’s right The only « anime fan » here tonight The way I’m stubborn is I insist on being a free-to-play gamer online « Free-to-play » means absolutely not spending any money Pocket money I wasn’t like this before. It was once when I tried to watch a Detective Conan movie. It actually required a membership. Guys, these glasses of mine, this hairstyle, this height, Conan, let me tell you, I was watching my own character, and they still wanted me to be a VIP member. I won’t pay. There’s no way I’ll subscribe. So I decided to borrow one. I borrowed an account from a friend. I was watching, when he suddenly messaged me. He said he couldn’t log in. He asked, « What on earth did you watch? » That’s when I realized that platform has a rule. Regular members can’t log in on two devices at the same time. His account got frozen. I had to pay him thirty yuan. Thirty yuan. That’s two meals for me. From then on, I swore I would never spend money on a membership again. Later, I watched a show It was also a detective show. But it wasn’t like Conan. It was Conan Nan. I really liked it. But I didn’t have money for a membership at the time. I specifically compared it. Back then, all the platforms If you didn’t have a membership, you could wait a week to watch, or watch five minutes of ads. No problem. I didn’t have a job. I had plenty of time. All I had was time. Wait a week? No problem. I could wait a month. But that platform didn’t give me any chance. It loved its members too much. It made me, for the first time in my life, see something like this: Episodes 1 and 2 were free, episodes 5, 6, 7, and 8 were free, but episodes 3 and 4 were VIP only. I was like, what? That’s not a series. I just watched episodes one and two normally. I thought it was really good. Then I clicked on episode three, and there was no video. A QR code popped up right away. I thought it was an ad. I watched for five minutes. Then I realized it was asking me for money. I thought, if you’re going to do this, fine. I won’t watch episodes three and four. Seriously, I won’t watch them. If you want money, I won’t watch. Episode five is free. I’ll watch episode five. Isn’t this a detective show? I can do some detective work too. Then, I clicked on episode five. Ready to start my own investigation. Keeping up with the pace. As soon as episode five started, there was a girl about to jump off a building. I had never seen her before. This is really tricky. You don’t know why. It’s just an unfamiliar face. Really, I’m not lying to you. As soon as I started episode five, the girl was wearing a white dress standing on the rooftop, getting ready to city jump. She was about to jump. At that moment, the camera started to move down. There were more than twenty people standing downstairs. Not a single person tried to save her. I was like, what are they doing? Even I wanted to save her. I wanted to jump into the screen and save her. And then ask her what happened in episodes three and four. I was actually getting a bit angry at that moment. But while I had the anger, I really didn’t have the money. So I looked for other things to deduce from. I realized I couldn’t watch the full episodes three and four. But I could watch the trailer. The trailer was 30 seconds long. I thought, no problem. Thirty seconds is enough for me to figure things out. I clicked on it. It said 30 seconds. But no. When I opened the trailer, there wasn’t even a second of footage. I watched for 30 seconds. Bullet comments. The whole screen was packed with dense bullet comments. All saying the same thing. Poverty brought us together. Even to this day, I still have a bit of an allergy to it. I can’t stand hearing the word « membership. » One day, I was watching a TV commercial, and it mentioned « membership juice. » I thought, that’s not right. Membership never gave me any good fruit to eat. I just want to find a free membership. Why can’t we offer some free memberships? Let’s learn from reading apps. The mechanism of reading apps— do you know what it is? No one has read books? Okay. It’s like this: If you read for 21 days in a row, they give you a membership. Isn’t that great, friends? It’s very user-friendly. Because it really tests your willpower. For people like us who never spend money on games, all we have is time. If I can’t get the membership, I won’t hate you. I’ll only blame myself. But honestly, if you manage to read for 21 days straight, you’ll succeed at anything you do. You don’t even need the money. Take someone like me, for example. I checked the other day, I’ve been registered for 1,300 days, but only read for 70 minutes. I only read three seconds a day. It’s a whole new genre. Just look at the cover. No need to read the content. Because I can deduce it. I know there’s no twist in my script. No comeback either. Even you watching this, need a membership just to see me complain about memberships. That’s true. I even think it could be harsher. You could air it like this. The performer before me, their bit is for VIP members. The performer after me, their bit is for VIP members. My segment is free. If you don’t get a membership, you can only watch my pure version. Great, that’s a message for everyone. Poverty brought us together. But we are not alone. Thank you, everyone. I’m Axiu. Axiu’s ticket lock countdown starts now. Thank you. I really relate to this. You don’t buy memberships either? I did. I bought three months. Then I watched what I wanted to see. And then I canceled it. But there’s something I relate to even more. She didn’t mention it. I believe a lot of viewers probably feel the same way. Have you ever tried to get a membership and found it easy to pay, but once you want to cancel, Yeah. you don’t know where to do it. It’s really hard. You can’t find the option. So much so that I still have not found a way to cancel it haven’t found it Yeah I hesitated a little just now but I still recorded it But what I mean is I originally thought I might not be able to empathize but she’s really interesting just this one thing If this story isn’t told well she could actually come off as pretentious but she told it in a really charming way she told it in a really charming way and sincerely and she doesn’t seem pitiful that’s the most precious part About that comment you mentioned is that true It was poverty that brought us together here. That’s true. Then I borrowed another membership at that time. I clicked into the VIP section back then. It said it was wealth that brought us together. And you know, Sometimes I get stubborn about it. I just watch the ads. I watch them all the way through. I let them play but I don’t actually watch. I just wait for them to finish. Then I watch the main content. If I can wait, I always will. I could even wait for you for a month. I think her performance today was actually very aggressive. But it sounded really interesting. Cute. And I also hope because I was hesitant with my final vote, but I just feel if she has this kind of intelligence and these kinds of insights, I hope to see more of her work. That’s how it is. Thank you. Because we’ve reached the overall ranking round, each performer will have their score revealed immediately after their performance. We will check their score right away. Now, let me tell everyone the reference score for Axiu. Seven’s score is 242 votes. So if Axiu can reach 242 votes, Seven, you will have to move from the second floor back to the first floor. But if Axiu doesn’t reach 242 votes, Seven will keep that spot. Now, let’s take a look at the number of votes Axiu received. I didn’t expect it to be only 206. I didn’t expect it either. Unfortunately, Axiu did not reach 242. So Axiu, please return to the waiting area for now. Axiu has been by my side the whole time. She’s really anxious. Axiu keeps saying, « I’m so nervous. » I went crazy as soon as I got on stage. Yours was good too. Don’t worry. I’m doomed. You’ll be even more explosive. Keep a positive mindset. You’ll be even more explosive. Axiu, you’ll be even more explosive. Relax, have faith. You’ll be even more explosive. Her skills and techniques are really natural and effortless. She has her own unique I find her rhythm really interesting. And when she’s on stage, she’s so at ease. That cuteness is really special. Axiu is just too cute. How is Axiu so cute? Axiu is the one, offline, when I tell all sorts of lame jokes, who laughs the hardest. I really look forward to Axiu having her own show in the future. I think being able to hear something really cool, really stylish, this kind of life observation, I’m really looking forward to it. For now, Seven has secured her spot. Let’s keep enduring and being anxious, okay? Because up next, is our old friend. She’s always had a strong presence. Dominance is her trademark. Let’s give a round of applause for Bu Jingyun. Sister Bu Hello everyone I’m Bu Jingyun Hello Thanks for your hard work I really dislike some sayings Like « women are like wolves at thirty and tigers at forty » I’m 35 this year Like a wolf or a tiger If that’s really the case Then today I’ll talk about Saying things like a tiger or a wolf is normal too To be honest I’m not here to perform today I’m here to confess Some time ago I cheated In a dream Look how scared you all are You don’t even dare to breathe It’s like I was about to say I « killed someone » And you all would understand Some might even think « killing someone » is normal I don’t know why I had that kind of dream I watched a movie that day And dreamed about him that night But I’m afraid saying it out loud would be bad for him But I’m afraid saying it out loud would be bad for him After all, this kind of dream It’s not like he chose to be in it Let’s just call him Yan. What? When I woke up, I was relieved it was just a dream. I thought, we’re already married. Then I started to feel guilty. Why did I wake up so early? But that dream felt so real. So real that my first reaction upon waking was guilt. But when I turned my head, my husband was next to me, snoring with his mouth open. My guilt instantly turned into anger. I pushed him awake. He asked, « What’s wrong? » « Is something up? » I said, « It’s urgent. » « Get up, quick. » « Go work out. » I had that kind of dream and then started resenting him. Does this count as emotional cheating? So I searched online. « Cheating. » A bunch of public accounts popped up. They analyzed many reasons why men and women cheat. The articles said when men are successful in their careers, they’re more likely to cheat when they’re riding high. They’re also likely to cheat when they’re feeling down and vulnerable. In short, men are prone to cheating. Of course, the articles also said it’s wrong for women to cheat too. But after analyzing all the reasons behind why women cheat, they added one word: « Not following the way of women. » What is the « way of women » anyway? I have no idea. I feel like I can’t go down this path either. Because temptation is really hard to resist. Even just a dream, I keep thinking about it over and over. For those two days, I kept wanting to have that kind of dream. Thinking about it so much, I started to feel it was wrong. So for those two days, I drank coffee like crazy. I tried my best not to sleep. I tried to avoid seeing Yan as much as possible. But you guys have no idea how unforgettable Yan is. That dream happened a long time ago. But I still remember it vividly. In the dream, he was wearing a white shirt with the buttons undone. He held my hand and said affectionately, Yun, actually, I like you. I said, Yan, no, I still have to be faithful as a wife. He wouldn’t listen. He confessed his feelings to me passionately. The atmosphere was just right. Even in the dream, I started making excuses for myself. I said, I can’t be blamed for this. He was already acting like that. It would be rude for me to refuse again. Besides, that dull man at home can’t compare to these men outside. Maybe I’ll just take a look at those abs first. After all, this thing I’ve only secretly scrolled through on my phone before. Hey, Yan, come over here. I woke up. I woke up right when I dreamed about this. I really woke up at just the right moment. I was so annoyed, I quickly lay back down. I wanted to get some more sleep. I said, Yan, don’t rush off just yet. I was too excited. No matter what, I just couldn’t fall back asleep. Lying in bed, I started reflecting on myself. Yes, I admit it. I’m a very lustful person. But don’t worry, everyone. A woman confessing these things won’t do any harm to the world. No matter how lustful I am, it won’t cause panic among men. I could secretly take photos under the boys’ bathroom. Okay. Go to the balcony and steal men’s worn-out underwear. I like guys with good bodies. I would follow and ambush those men who go jogging at night. Everyone in the night jogging group would be frantically forwarding my photos. Saying, « Everyone, watch out for this woman. » « Don’t wear those tight tank tops when you go out lately. » « Guys, try to go out together at night. » That wouldn’t happen. Men wouldn’t get scared because of me and buy a few pairs of high heels to put by the door. Okay. Completely harmless. I can’t even see a handsome guy on the street and just go up and verbally harass him. If he dares to talk back, I’d beat him up right there on the street. And then just say I’m mentally ill, that’s all. I know. A woman saying all this on stage already looks like she’s crazy. I get it. Because the way we were raised makes these things very implicit. Since I was little, I was taught that the most important thing for a woman is her reputation and chastity. The first time I heard my grandma say the word « chastity, » I was totally confused. I asked, « What kind of exercise is that? » I even thought women had to do two sets of exercises every day: chastity exercises and eye exercises. I realized after growing up there really is a difference. Eye exercises are actually more useful. (Right.) Actually, I’ve wanted to admit on stage for a long time that I’m a bit lustful. I think women feel way too much shame about their desires. I want to talk about it until it becomes desensitized. Until one day, when you hear some rumor or gossip about a woman, your first reaction isn’t to find out the truth, but to show understanding and say, « She’s a woman, after all. » That’s totally fine. Absolutely fine. A couple of days ago, I watched a documentary. A very young girl jumped off a building after being slandered with obscene rumors. Every time I see news like this, I feel really upset. It’s way too easy to spread obscene rumors. If only it were that easy for the person being slandered. It’s already 2025 now. Robots can even go to space. Yet people are still losing their lives over the word « chastity. » It’s so surreal. I can almost see robots going to space with bound feet. If anyone still asks now do you know what is most important for a girl? It’s to be alive. When the word « chastity » becomes something in history textbooks and is put in a museum displayed alongside old murder weapons like the Green Dragon Sword, Crescent Blade, and chastity kids passing by will ask what is chastity? Why is there nothing there? You’d say that’s right because it never meant anything to begin with. Thank you all. I’m Bu Jingyun, thank you everyone. Sister Bu (Sister Bu is so cool) (So awesome) Bu Jingyun ticket lock countdown Okay Double pressure It’s both the pressure of the competition and also the long wait for our turn in the competition As the last performer being able to perform in such a good state for all of us in « Stand-up Comedy and Friends » in the second round brings a perfect ending Once again, thank you to Bu Jingyun Thank you, everyone I actually teared up a little Thank you Because for me this might already be the most intense emotional expression I can show in public I’m just not someone who can easily in front of many people completely let out my emotions For me, this is already the pinnacle. She truly moved me deeply. I’m so happy to see Bu Jingyun. On this stage. You’ve been constantly transforming. You’ve grown into this. Such a wonderful version of yourself. I feel so happy for you. Truly. Thank you. There were so many moments just now. I just saw Shan He. She was wiping away tears over there too. I think after seeing this, all the girls will feel both touched with sadness and warmth and also inspired. I think it’s amazing. So thank you. Thank you to all the girls. (Amazing) Very moving From the first half, I was laughing the whole time Then in the second half, I believe my feelings and Lu Yu’s are quite similar Of course, I pressed the light pretty early During this process I kept feeling like I didn’t have enough lights I wanted a few more lights Because there were so many moments I wanted to press for Very excited The whole act made me feel fired up That is, this year this particular show No, I won’t cry I’m not that type Yeah I’m just a bit excited Today, after so many years of recording this single show I saw many familiar old contestants who have truly transformed and taken one, two, even three steps up This kind of transformation is the most I’ve ever seen in a single show So many that I can hardly believe it Today feels like a dream Actually, last year, Bu Jingyun already felt like she had transformed I didn’t expect that in just one year on top of the transformation we had before, we’ve climbed another three or four steps. So today, I’m really, really surprised. And there’s something I especially want to say. In recent years, on our stage, there have been more and more female contestants. So works from a feminist perspective have also become more and more common. There are so many now, it’s a bit like back when for example, the « poor guy » theme or wives making fun of their husbands, or husbands making fun of their wives, those topics were already overused. Feminism was missing in previous years, but it’s become especially common in recent years. But she has completely found a particularly fresh and groundbreaking angle. She satirized this issue from beginning to end. But it’s really just I don’t even know how all of us wanted to clap until our hands went numb. It was truly, truly excellent. Thank you, Teacher Luo. I’d like to add something. I completely agree with what Teacher Luo said. But I want to say since women make up half of humanity, the female perspective is actually the human perspective. She’s the spear, right? That last line hit all the key points. In that moment, my mind just popped. It was beautiful. Yeah, sometimes it just feels like all these years, some things—what are they really? They’re nothing at all. That moment just felt so powerful. Because what I’ve been seeking for years is simply to be happy. But then, to experience this kind of impact right now, I’m grateful for your performance. And I’m thankful that life brought me here. To see your performance. Thank you. Thank you to all four judges. Every time, when a great stand-up comedian delivers an excellent performance, we always discuss each one. I really like the theme of this round. It’s « spear and shield. » Is stand-up comedy a sharp angle, a right angle, or an obtuse angle? Actually, the angle doesn’t matter. From any angle, you can find its scope. And the people it touches. And the depth of that impact. Once again, thank you to Bu Jingyun for bringing us such a wonderful performance. Now, let’s take a look at the final score Bu Jingyun received. Seven, I have a feeling please get ready to go downstairs. Impressive. Let’s give a round of applause to Bu Jingyun. I didn’t expect the last contestant to advance directly again. That’s great, sis! Very good. So cool. Bu Jingyun best represents the spear. She is someone who pierces through all realities. She speaks all the truths. That’s what I find truly remarkable. I think Sister Bu has explored a new path. That is, when you want to talk about something that makes people nervous, you first talk about something else that makes people even more nervous. Look how scared you all got. It catches everyone off guard. People don’t know what to be nervous about anymore. The audience ends up laughing uncontrollably. It’s a happy accident. She happened to choose this segment as the final act. That is, we don’t need every spear to win. But if one spear wins, that victory shatters all the shields. It’s a victory that breaks them all. When she choked up on stage for a moment, It was just so moving. I saw that Teacher Luyu was also crying. Niaoniao was crying too. This part was amazing, Bu-jie. I almost wanted to cry at that moment. It was so sincere. My nose felt tingly. And I felt the same way. I have a daughter, you know. She’s still young. I also think I hope these actresses can break these prejudices. After breaking those shackles, my child will live in a better world. She’s like an umbrella, a big umbrella, shielding all the girls around her, protecting everyone who is reading this script, and even everyone around her. This piece by Bu-jie is especially meaningful. Because every time I see similar topics online or trending, I see these kinds of topics, my heart skips a beat too. She paused at that moment, just like my heart skipped a beat. I think it’s the same feeling. I felt very complicated at that moment. When I talked about that scene, I thought about a lot of things. Some things I saw before, like girls because of a kind of public pressure from society, ended up taking their own lives. This kind of thing, including women, news about unsafe situations in society, when I see these things, I feel really upset. My emotions are very complicated. Because there are a lot of women in my family, so I feel that talking more about these topics will make it easier for my daughter’s generation to live more easily in the future. That feeling gives me a kind of sense of mission. I really hope that young girls bound by this kind of moral restraint and restriction can understand I told her three times to stay alive. Stay alive. No matter what the situation is, I hope everyone cherishes life. Only by staying alive can things turn around. Only then can you see hope. Do you know what? When I was just on stage, my mind was completely filled with thoughts of you. I know you’re really popular. But the one I have my eye on can’t be taken by anyone else. Just wait for me. I’m coming right now. Um, Sister Bu… Ah. Oh. It’s nothing. It’s Qiehuang. Yeah. Is that a problem? No, it’s fine. Of course it’s fine. After all, every bucket of Qiehuang contains about one sun-ripened tomato. It’s rich, sweet, and tangy. Everyone loves it. Of course. Tomatoes are a treasure. You can’t go wrong with Qiehuang. Why don’t you have some too? I can help myself. It’s all a misunderstanding. It’s all a misunderstanding. In theory, because Bu Jingyun has advanced, then Seven, please move to the next floor first. Since we were originally following the 30, I would now like to congratulate eight contestants who have successfully advanced. The advancing contestants are Xiao Qi, Qiu Rui, Zhang Jun, Xue Bing, Kid, Echo, Wang Dadao. We would now like to invite these contestants to proceed to the next round. That’s wonderful! Thank you. Because I just mentioned that everyone is outstanding, so I hope more contestants can advance to the next round. So we found a particularly reasonable reason. This reasonable reason points to an actor who has already advanced among the friends who have advanced so far the one with the lowest score His score is 232 votes Xiaokuai Oh my So in order to not leave anyone with regrets we have decided all contestants with scores greater than or equal to 232 will advance Sister Xiaoli made it Go Xiaoli! Brother Kuai has benefited everyone Xiaokuai, why don’t you say something first Do you feel that you I performed a bit too well today Maybe I should have done a little less so that everyone could advance I’m a bit regretful now If I had known earlier I could have messed up a few more jokes, right? So let’s congratulate Seven Hotpot Li Wen and Wang Xiaoli Congratulations to all four for advancing to the next round Please move to the advancement area Bye Bye Thank you, Kuai. You’re welcome. Thank you, Kuai. It’s all what I should do. Kuai. Li. It’s all what I should do. Kuai. It’s what I should do. We meet again. It’s what should be done. A competition is a competition. So after our second round after the second stage ends some friends will still have to leave this stage, unfortunately. Let’s take a look at their names. Let’s thank Da Guoshou, Wang Ying, Sun Xi, Axiu, Xiaodie, Wu Ding, Li Mengjie, Han Dagou. Thank you to these eight outstanding stand-up comedians for bringing to this stage wonderful stand-up performances. We hope to see you on stage again next year and see you all again. Good luck! Bye-bye! It feels kind of good. I’m kind of celebrating. This kind of failure will gradually fade for you. The concepts of success and failure There’s a bit of regret. There’s some unwillingness. There’s a bit of feeling wronged. This feeling makes me feel that I shouldn’t have gotten this score. I’m waiting for what I really want to do. I’ve really waited a long, long time. So every time I get on that stage, I feel like that stage belongs to me. Don’t be fooled by the way my jokes are. But I my mindset or my mental health among these stand-up comedians ranks second. I say second just to be precise. So what I regret is just not not being able to go further with Sister Xiaoli. The ones I got along best with so far are me, Wang Ying, and her (Xiaoli). Both of them have left. I hope that we all the friends from Changsha Xiaoma can keep going. May our friendship last forever. See you offline. If you come to watch my show I hope you don’t bring your brain I’m just a very chaotic and laid-back person Li Mengjie Remember how you felt watching the competition the feeling Remember how you felt watching everyone the feeling Don’t betray stand-up comedy Will I get criticized after my show airs? Will my first broadcast make it to the trending list? Go all out. Don’t overthink it. There’s always a way out. He said not now. How should I overcome this strong perfectionist mindset? No. What I care about is will the friends who stay be happy? Who can give you the answer? Who’s that amazing? Sun Shuheng. That’s what I think too. Yeah. When you gave me the Book of Answers, I thought, who can really give you the answers to life? What I was thinking is, should I keep sticking to my own style? Just do it. From Xiao Qi. I didn’t expect it to be so simple. So concise. So powerful. In these past six months, can I write better jokes? Can I finish my solo show? How long will it take to finish the next solo show? Who can give you the answer? Who’s that amazing? Sun Shuheng. This person is so annoying. Wang Jiye. Your highlight moment is in the next moment. Wu Ding Reaping without sowing See you next time Let’s meet offline See you next year See you next year Hope to see everyone again in 2026 Everyone is welcome to come see me in person Come watch my performance Goodbye, friends « Stand-up Comedy and Friends » The second round of season two The Battle of Spear and Shield has now come to an end. Meituan Flash Purchase, incredibly fast Advance to the next round ahead of others Next, let’s take a look at the list of those advancing from this round. Congratulations A total of 34 contestants have advanced. 14 from the Spear team and 20 from the Shield team. As the winning side, all members of the Shield team will have priority in the next round. Congratulations to all who advanced. We hope that in the third round we’ll see even more amazing performances from you. Want to experience the joy of live stand-up comedy? Search for « Xiaoguo » on WeChat and follow the official Xiaoguo account and mini program. Tons of shows are waiting for you. A new round of the stand-up tour is about to begin. Open the Xiaoguo mini program to follow your favorite comedians and wish for the tour to come to your city. Friends, they might just show up near you. The competition continues. Same time next week, let’s meet again in the next round. Thank you, everyone. Friends who use stand-up comedy as a shield actually are quite understandable A shield, in my opinion, involves more self-reflection than usual They might focus more on themselves and their own lives and on expressing personal emotions Using stand-up comedy as a shield can protect their inner core to some extent Then, when they go on stage it makes them feel relatively safer inside There are many things they might have cared a lot about before but after turning them into stand-up material they stop caring as much They want to use the little humorous things in life to possibly dilute greater exhaustion or pain They are also facing many difficulties I think their content is also very powerful Using it as a spear is also a choice. Maybe they still have more expectations for this world. They would rather express the frustration and grievances in their hearts and some of the negative emotions they’ve experienced. They want to use a confrontational approach to protect themselves. He might want to strike back at those who bullied him, to fight against those negative phenomena, and things he can’t understand. They might be people who live with more certainty. In some ways, they are braver than I am. They dare to speak out about things they think are wrong. They use the pen in their hand as a sharp blade, using stand-up comedy, using humor to satirize this harsh reality, or to express their anger. For them, comedy is their weapon, like a pair of nunchucks. Full of youthful energy, if they don’t use this thing to carve out their own path, You’re really contradictory. This thing of yours, the topic is really contradictory. Maybe outsiders have some stereotypes about us. They say we should not be afraid of this or that. But sometimes, we’re actually controlling our fear. But fear doesn’t just go away. For example, if someone does something bad to you, you should say something, or shout something, but you don’t. Because you feel ashamed, you say nothing. You stay silent. You even question your own silence. When I’m interacting with my parents, during these interactions, on one hand, I feel my heart is very soft. But on the other hand, it’s like I’m judging my own soft heart. In what way do you make the audience laugh? Do you want to cater to and please the audience’s sense of humor, or use your own true thoughts to move just a small group of people? You see, most of them nowadays stand-up comedians are young people. They dare to break certain boundaries. Through this kind of content, they express their strong opinions. That is also a kind of power. I hope that after the laughter, there can still be something left behind. I hope what you say can make everyone feel it’s quite fresh and original, like a breath of fresh air. There are some negative emotions at work. I hope that through stand-up comedy, I can relieve them. I hope I can learn to fight back, fight back against life, and fight back against others. It can help me become more independent. I don’t want to just let things go anymore. I hope others can also let things go a bit more. I hope you’re happy. You hope I’m happy. I hope I can protect more people. Thanks to stand-up comedy for letting me grow under its protection, always sprouting and growing. Thank you for always protecting me. Alright, sweetheart. Stop whining. If you want to change your dad now, he really can’t make it in time. But Mom has prepared for you a2 Ziyao HMO formula. 96 times the milk gold. Sustained protection from maternal source. With a2 Ziyao HMO, you two are sure to become shining little giants. But, my daughter, we need to slowly learn not to rely on your dad. You still need to build your own protection. I’m not saying you have to rely solely on your own efforts to get a new dad. No. Not joking. Meituan Flash Purchase is arriving soon. Thanks to the service that’s more than just a little faster, the next-generation shopping method, Meituan Flash Purchase. Title sponsorship. Tomatoes are treasures, Tomato King is always right. Thanks to the addition of a sun-ripened tomato inside, jointly sponsored by Tomato King. Making life happier. Thanks to the national baijiu, Old Village Chief. Special sponsorship. 96 times milk gold. Enduring protection from maternal sources. Thanks for protecting babies as they grow and shine, a2 Ziyao HMO infant formula. Sponsored broadcast. Get your energy back, Pulse is back. Thank you to Pulse, helping you call back your best state anytime, anywhere. Industry sponsorship. Chatting calls for Lay’s. Share deliciousness, double the happiness. Thanks to Lay’s, crispy in every bite, endless fun. Sponsored broadcast. Truly, truly, truly funny. Truly, truly, truly organic. This program is certified by three parties. Haitian Organic, truly organic. Sponsored broadcast. The rules for the third round are very exciting. It’s called the « Making Friends Round. » The team with the highest total votes wins. All teams with lower votes enter the pending zone. It’s really hard to catch up with the votes now, right? So they’ve basically already won. Yeah. The contestants in the pending zone will be ranked according to their individual vote counts. There are 26 spots for advancement. Eight contestants will, after this round, unfortunately have to leave. A comeback victory. They still managed to catch up. They caught up. « Stand-up and Friends » is amazing, amazing, amazing! Welcome, everyone, to the second season of « Stand-up and Friends. » Welcome, everyone. Why did you cry today? Crying was the right move. Li Wen is a rare very pure guy. I don’t mean the rest of you aren’t pure. That’s exactly what you mean. If you hadn’t added that, I wouldn’t have thought of myself as impure. Are you graduating this year? Yes. I just finished my thesis defense last week. What did you say? What are you talking about? Attending vocational school and working on the power grid. The word « defense » (thesis defense) is even unfamiliar to you now? Yes. Let’s start the game segment. Cantonese word guessing. I can speak Cantonese. No, you can’t. A Korean has arrived. Hangzhou Xiang Zuo Our relationship feels like a drop tower ride. That’s right, that’s right. Next one, please. Next one, please. Passed. .

Déroulement de la vidéo:

54.46 Currently, 4 groups of actors from the Spear camp have advanced. 13 groups of actors from the Shield camp have advanced.
61.74 There are 30 spots for advancement. There are still 13 spots remaining. Is it possible to advance directly?
68.38 Absolutely. Advanced directly.
77.42 The highest in the whole venue. This is the highest. The highest. The first female actor to advance directly.
114.5 I’m not joking. Meituan Flash Sale Arriving soon.
131.36 Thanks to the inclusion of a Sunshine Tomato. Sponsored jointly by Eggplant King.
144.54 Hello, everyone. Welcome, everyone, to the show sponsored by Meituan Flash Sale, « Stand-up Comedy and Friends, »
150.44 Season 2, Stage 2. The Battle of Spear and Shield. Welcome, everyone.
159.4 The team of the winning performer in this round will continue to send out performers.
164.5 There are a total of 30 spots to advance in this stage. Currently, 13 spots remain.
169.86 In the previous match, the Shield team was ahead. Therefore, the Shield team
175.92 will send out the first performer for this round. I believe everyone knows this performer.
181.36 You are all very familiar with her. She is extremely approachable, a true fairy sister.
186.5 Please welcome Shanhe. Go, Shanhe!
192.94 (Shanhe)
200.64 Alright, thank you, everyone. Hello, everyone. I’m Shanhe. How are you all?
205.9 Hello to our friends on the second floor Thank you, everyone This is my second time participating in the show this year
212.24 Right? Just before coming on stage, everyone said they were very nervous I said I was nervous too They asked, « What are you nervous about? »
217.8 The audience likes you When you smile on stage each dimple gets you ten votes
223.24 But I can’t just stand on stage and say Hello, everyone. I’m Shanhe. I’ll keep it brief. It’s all in my dimples.
228.74 Vote. But today, I want to share something from my heart. Really. Because it’s truly when I’m the me on this stage
234.0 that I’m the happiest. Honestly, I’m not easily happy in private. Because ever since I was little,
239.06 my dad taught me that you have to be excellent before you can be happy. In our family, if you do well on exams,
244.2 you can be happy. Alright. If you perform well, you can be happy. Alright. If you did nothing, and you’re happy, that’s a death sentence.
249.66 If you even dare to buy toys, or snacks, the sentence is carried out immediately. Because my dad is a police officer.
255.4 Forget about providing emotional value. He’s good at confiscating your emotional value. When I was a kid,
260.44 the happiest time for me was every Saturday night watching « Happy Camp. » That was when I was happiest.
266.54 But in our family, you could watch, but you couldn’t laugh. It’s easy to attract my dad over.
273.04 Girls who love to laugh won’t have good luck. Sometimes when I’m really enjoying watching something, laughing happily, he’s suddenly standing right next to you.
278.06 Suddenly, he’s right beside you. Final exams are coming up soon. Don’t get happy too soon.
283.64 I don’t know if being happy too early will have any bad consequences. Those criminals aren’t caught because they were too happy.
290.46 The gang boss tells his underling, « Go take care of that person. » The underling says, « In life, »
296.14 « the most important thing is to be happy. »
301.94 Shot on the spot. My dad is always like this. He always thinks that many things aren’t worth being happy about. Like last year for me,
307.74 I actually had a segment on a show last year. It even made it onto the trending list. But not the kind of trending we usually think of. Not the top few lines when you open Weibo.
313.58 No. You have to click the bottom right corner, « More trending topics, » and keep scrolling down. Number 48.
319.82 You can see me there. I was really excited at the time. You know, I was truly excited then. It was my first time trending. I even turned off my Wi-Fi.
325.52 I said, « Sis, I have data now! »
332.98 I quickly took a screenshot and sent it to our family group chat. When I switched back and refreshed, the trending topic was gone.
339.34 The director came over to comfort me and said, It’s okay. It’s okay. It means our post is getting attention. Let’s get more people to help promote it.
344.42 Let’s work on the numbers. Let’s boost this video. I said, Director, you really know how to talk.
350.18 Buying traffic is just buying traffic, just boosting it. I said, no need to boost it,
355.98 let’s make it go viral. All in. Let’s buy our way to the top of the trending list. Open Weibo,
361.24 number one is Shanhe Talk Show, number two is Trump assassination attempt.
370.28 Everyone who opened Weibo was stunned. Who is this person? Was she the one who incited the assassin?
376.84 My dad heard about it and started lecturing me. He said, the things you make with fake data,
382.52 are they really worth celebrating? Are you really proud of that? When will you be able to make it to the trending list
387.82 with your real skills? I said, those who make it to the trending list with real skills still have to pay to get it taken down.
402.76 But don’t be fooled by how I am now, making comebacks and cracking jokes. This is just a comedy bit. Honestly, when I was writing this bit,
408.38 I realized that subconsciously, I don’t allow myself to be happy. If I can’t write a good joke, I don’t let myself be happy.
413.46 If I don’t do well in competitions, I can’t relax. I get anxious really easily. When I get anxious, my period stops.
418.52 When I compete, my period stops. Last year, I made it to the finals for several months, and I thought I was pregnant.
425.42 I still had to write scripts at home every day. I didn’t know which would come first, a new joke or my period. Luckily, both came in the end.
432.96 Just, neither was much.
438.94 So now I feel that making yourself happy is a skill. You should make yourself happy. Especially when you’re under more stress,
445.28 the more you should cheer yourself up. Honestly, don’t talk about spending money only on what’s necessary. I’ll spend it on what makes me happy.
451.08 My mom always asks me, “Why do you buy these phone cases and blind boxes and all this stuff? These things— are they useful? Aren’t you wasting money?” I tell her, “Don’t worry about it.
457.6 As long as I can get my period, it’s not a waste. This is my registration fee.” Who says it’s meaningless?
463.64 Even Qin Shi Huang has several sets of figurines. Right?
471.78 Unify the world So much pressure There are still hidden versions even now
476.84 So actually I really want to share something with everyone Lately, I feel the easiest way to be happy the lowest-cost happiness comes down to two words
483.38 taking photos Do you get it? I really enjoy it when my girlfriends take photos of me and provide that emotional value
489.88 Several phones pointed at you, saying This is the angle Yes Looks good Dilraba
497.34 Okay, okay, okay Now turn your face over Never mind, turn back I enjoy it even more after everyone finishes taking photos
503.48 that moment of silence Everyone looks down without saying a word and starts editing the photos
509.98 Skillfully switching between different apps Precisely adjusting every parameter I say Are these really my best friends
515.24 or are they goddesses Sometimes you even feel embarrassed looking at the edited photo and saying
520.6 I wish I really looked like this They all say in unison (You do look like this)
526.88 Best friends are here
534.28 I’m so happy But I realized these past couple of days Even so the simplest kind of happiness the easiest way to be happy
540.2 is always being criticized A lot of people don’t like girls who love taking photos They say if you go out to have fun you should just enjoy the scenery
545.6 and that only taking photos isn’t right Don’t let the photo-taking culture ruin your vacation That’s hilarious I’m not doing it just for the photos
551.24 Otherwise, I wouldn’t even go out Right? Yeah.
557.6 Did my vacation get ruined because I released photos? My vacation was ruined because I didn’t get any good photos. Some people are really strange.
562.74 At least we got some good shots. You didn’t get any good photos. Did you publish a book? Did you make a name for yourself?
568.44 You can’t even come up with a meme. You’re acting like her dad now. You’re just scolding yourself.
574.24 Just making a fool of yourself. I understood back then. It’s not about how you find happiness. It’s not about delayed or instant gratification either.
580.58 Some people see you happy and they become dissatisfied. Some people take it really seriously. They say you take photos edit them and post them online
586.24 just to get attention, to be recognized, and to be praised? Yes. Yeah.
591.34 Who in this world doesn’t want attention, recognition, and praise? Exactly. Right? Yeah.
598.04 I’ve never seen anyone who, after becoming an overnight sensation, takes down their videos, deletes their account, and retreats to the countryside.
604.18 If that happens, it’s probably because something was discovered. Tao Yuanming was also forced to retire from public life. Did Tao Yuanming actually like seclusion?
610.14 He wrote so many poems— were they just for himself? If you say Tao Yuanming liked seclusion, then I’ll say Goujian loved tasting bitterness.
617.64 The one who truly liked seclusion was Zhang Boyang.
623.68 Tao Yuanming’s poems only two hundred years after his death became widely known and passed down through the ages. That’s when people learned about him. I think if he had gotten attention earlier,
630.02 been praised and recognized, he would have been happier. It wouldn’t even be called seclusion for him. It would just be called a career change.
635.7 The Li Ziqi of the Eastern Jin dynasty. With just one line, « Picking chrysanthemums by the eastern fence, » « Leisurely, I see the southern mountain, »
640.74 he’d instantly become a hit and appear on variety shows. Like « Let’s Farm, » obviously.
647.32 So I think maybe it’s hard for me to become better, but I want to make myself happier. Thank you, everyone.
652.36 I’m Shan He. Thank you all.
659.72 4 lights That’s awesome. I feel like 290 votes will go straight through. Thank you, everyone.
664.76 Thank you, everyone. Make the most of the final voting time. Thank you, everyone. Just confirm when you’re done.
670.2 No need to hold it up for her to see. I saw it. Alright, countdown to lock the votes for Shanhe begins.
680.8 Thank you, everyone. Thank you all, thank you. Our audience today is really wonderful. The ladies in the front row
686.42 After you vote show it to the actors. I really voted. Voted.
691.7 Shanhe, why did you choose this segment? This is something I’ve always After finishing the show last year, my biggest feeling
697.06 was to look inward at myself. To get to know myself. I realized that I really seem to be someone who finds it hard to be happy.
702.4 Because maybe my friends who know me and spend time with me in private friends who have known me for a long time all say you have two dimples and your smile looks so happy.
708.22 They say you’re still a comedian But all my longtime friends know I’m someone who finds it hard to be happy It’s not easy for me to feel joy
713.6 Especially, I also find it hard to be alone with myself Whenever I’m alone with myself I easily get sad Actually, let me share something with you all
719.0 I’ve always wanted to go to Disney But last year I was filming a show in Shanghai And I didn’t go for several months Because I kept thinking
724.72 I had to do better I had to get good results But my results were actually pretty good last year But after I did well last year
729.78 Someone told me You need to prepare material for live shows You need to get ready You have to compare yourself with others and all that So I felt like I still couldn’t relax
736.18 So now I feel I really need to make myself happy It’s really important Yes.
741.46 Does Teacher Luo feel it? Da Zhangwei feels it. It feels so right. She really is happier. For me, it’s just that
747.18 I completely agree. You have to make yourself happy. Just cheering yourself up, I did something like that recently.
753.22 Something just to make myself happy. It was extremely silly. For no particular reason, I bought a Judge Bao figurine. Just for that one line.
758.72 When I opened the package, « Kaifeng has a Judge Bao. »
765.52 Just for something like that. I randomly bought a Judge Bao figurine. Just to amuse myself.
770.96 I always feel bad spending money. Like spending money is a waste. And a couple of days ago,
776.52 I saw something online, like singing hand soap. Right? I just had to have it. I think people should really focus on four words in life.
783.06 « Act on impulse. » Yes. Come on, let’s hear it. About your « Kaifeng has a Judge Bao » thing, this happiness,
788.36 Teacher Li Yuchun’s opinion. Li Yuchun. She was happy after hearing it. Is Chunchun okay?
793.62 That’s so weird. Because I really had to buy it. Because if I don’t go crazy now, I’ll get old. But I agree
799.52 I completely agree with what the teacher said You have to cheer yourself up You need to find a way to make yourself happy Do things that make you happy
806.22 I do things that make me happy. Altogether, there aren’t many. One of them is very important.
812.64 Music. Another important one is eating. Eating. Another one is what Shanhe mentioned today,
817.66 which is the figurine. Yes. It’s opening blind boxes. These two bring the greatest joy. Eating accounts for 80% of it.
824.42 Yes. Pretty much. On this stage, that kind of simple, pure happiness
829.92 seems like, as everyone becomes deeper, more thoughtful, and more expressive,
835.98 it has become a bit rare. But what you have reminds me of Zhisheng’s kind
841.88 Yes. That pure and simple happiness. That’s right. But if you think about it, it’s not lacking in depth.
847.42 Because it contains some reflections on life. That’s the best kind of depth. In the end, it’s all about being happy.
852.78 Yes. So it’s really great. I think this is the best version of Shanhe. Because last season, she had a performance where she said
858.98 So what if you talk about gaining weight? Then you talked a lot about the happiness of being chubby. There’s an article about emotional eating. Yes.
864.56 That feels the same as this. It’s on the same level. Extremely happy. I’m glad to see this best state.
870.48 It’s back again. Thank you, teacher. I can really empathize with Shanhe.
875.54 Because I am also someone who always has a bit of anxiety inside. Always tense. Yes.
880.98 I always feel that I have to finish all my work before I can truly relax. But the problem is work keeps coming up.
886.42 So you’re always in a kind of calm. But inside, I felt inexplicably uneasy. Yeah. It’s a really annoying feeling.
892.54 But you just… That’s just how I am. So later, I just accepted it. After performing for a long time, it’s always around eight or nine at night.
898.66 One time, when there was no show, I had nothing to do at eight or nine. I started to wonder, what should I be doing right now?
904.22 I didn’t know what to do. I felt like… You go watch a show. Yeah, maybe I just wanted to go to the theater.
909.48 It’s just that kind of feeling. I think doing nothing is a virtue. I can do nothing. But if you really enjoy it,
915.52 and feel truly content, that’s a really great state to be in. I really hope for that. Let me tell everyone something.
920.98 This is called unconditional happiness. Yes. Right? It means you can’t wait until you have money, or until you win, or until you surpass others,
926.96 or even surpass yourself to be happy. So when can anyone actually be happy? Exactly. There are no conditions. I make myself happy. I’m happy right here, right now.
933.22 I hope we can always be happy, okay? Thank you, teachers. Thank you, everyone. Thank you all. Shanhe. After really doing stand-up comedy,
938.82 I’ve become happier and more confident. Actually, Shanhe is a very, very anxious person. A very, very conflicted person
943.84 Stand-up comedy She revitalized the whole stage Her charisma is incredible She’s an opening act
950.0 The audience would hold up their voting devices in front of her dimples and say Vote for her
956.2 I’ve never seen this happen here before The audience would all chime in together to finish the sentence she was about to say
962.94 (So this is what you look like) Her best friend is here I’m really curious too
969.44 All four lights of the comedy panel are on The girls in the front row
975.42 are holding their voting devices right up to their faces So after her performance can she advance directly?
981.84 These 290 votes Is that not enough? How many votes did she actually get? Let’s see
989.76 I think she can make it 290 votes
998.84 She still has to face the challenge from the opposing team I don’t think anyone will stand up
1005.02 Maybe they’ll have to draw lots again
1014.3 No one is volunteering. It’s okay. How could our show allow no one to volunteer?
1021.14 We have a very clever setup. It’s called the Destiny Box. Let’s take a look.
1026.44 Let’s see who Shanhe draws from the Destiny Box. Shanhe, same rules as before.
1032.1 Don’t look at anything. Just draw. Go ahead, Shanhe.
1042.28 Hope it’s not Hotpot. Alright. Okay, here we go. Let’s go with this one.
1047.84 Who is it? Hotpot. Hotpot, it’s you.
1053.32 It’s fine. Go, Hotpot! It’s okay. The next person to go one-on-one with Shanhe
1058.8 is this actor. She used to be a police officer in Yunnan. Last time, she talked with us
1064.7 about her new police stories. Today, she’ll continue to share her stories from Yunnan.
1069.92 Let’s give a warm welcome to Hotpot. Hotpot.
1076.02 The second round is even better.
1085.96 Hello. Hi everyone, I’m Hotpot. Friends on the second floor, how are you?
1093.9 Thank you. (So handsome.) You can tell.
1099.34 Everyone really likes it. Police. Today, I just want to talk with everyone.
1106.78 About my journey growing up through many hardships. When I was young, I was a left-behind child.
1112.34 I lived together with animals. My hometown is in Xishuangbanna. In a small mountain village nearby.
1119.92 How small was it? Back then, our village didn’t even have a name.
1126.04 Everyone just called it « our village. » Translated, it means
1132.2 there there If we put up a sign at the entrance of our village
1137.54 it could only say the wind that misses you has blown there
1142.78 At that time, my parents had to go work so they sent me from the city back to there Before I went
1147.94 my mom told me that some people in the countryside might bully girls
1153.18 so she gave me a buzz cut She said if anyone asked just say
1158.98 you’re a boy Back then I lived at my grandpa’s house
1164.02 At my grandpa’s house, he kept monkeys and peacocks doves and owls
1169.66 They were all rescued by my grandpa My grandpa a Disney princess on the run One night, I
1176.3 went to the outhouse in the yard to use the toilet Our family’s owl was facing away from me at first
1182.2 then suddenly did a 180-degree turn with its head to look at me its eyes were glowing
1188.9 then it spoke That day I realized
1195.58 women can also pee standing up
1205.72 I could even run to the bathroom. A left-behind child from the city,
1210.92 I didn’t have many friends. So I would go tease the monkey at home. I stared at the monkey,
1217.12 and the monkey stared back at me. The next second, it punched me with a backhand. My forehead immediately
1223.22 started bleeding. You can still see the scar now. Friends in the front row should be able to see it a little.
1229.44 The monkey did this. Look, there’s another scar on my forehead. We also had an owl at home.
1234.54 Yunnan has its own Harry Potter.
1241.54 Since I was little, I knew where the magical creatures were. They were right there.
1251.34 My mom was the only college graduate in our village. Back then, the girls in our village
1256.62 couldn’t go to school. By changing her own fate, my mom also changed mine. That’s why she insisted I go to school.
1263.18 But the kids at the town’s elementary school didn’t like me. They surrounded me
1268.58 and asked if I was a boy or a girl. I said I was a boy. But they laughed at me,
1273.98 saying I looked like a girl. They called me a freak.
1279.64 Using that as an excuse, they beat me up. So I came up with an idea. I looked for monkeys
1285.38 to learn monkey boxing. I started challenging monkeys one-on-one.
1290.94 Monkeys are really good at fighting. They can grab my head with both hands
1297.24 and then kick me with both legs. It felt like I was a shared bike.
1302.3 They’d scan me and just ride off. I realized close combat was useless.
1307.64 So I found a stick and tried poking them. The monkeys used their ultimate move.
1317.0 They threw their poop at me. Oh shit.
1324.46 You guys have probably never had monkeys throw poop at you. They’re really accurate.
1330.6 When I returned to the city for middle school, I still kept my buzz cut. I thought it was very convenient.
1336.2 But after a while, rumors spread throughout the school that there was someone in Class 3, Grade 8
1341.62 who was a weirdo, neither male nor female. They called me « Dongfang Bubai. » A few people saw that I wouldn’t give in.
1347.64 So they surrounded me. They wanted to beat me up. The one leading them said,
1354.22 « You’re that Dongfang Bubai. »
1359.74 He didn’t even have any phlegm, but he spat anyway. « Today, we’re beating up you, this freak who looks like a man. »
1369.04 What hurt me was not just their fists, but also their reasons. Listen to this:
1375.14 How come sometimes I look like a woman, and sometimes like a man? The only thing that never changes
1381.24 is being called a freak. Humans are just hypocritical. They always have to
1386.64 find excuses for their violence. They’re not even as good as monkeys. Everyone who climbs Mount Emei no matter if you’re a man or a woman,
1392.82 has been attacked by monkeys. Monkeys are awesome!
1398.14 But they really picked the wrong person to fight. I was trained by monkeys. That person looked at me,
1404.14 and I looked at him. The next second I swung back and punched him
1409.58 Then the teacher dragged me away The teacher said Even though they were wrong But how can a girl get into a fight?
1416.44 I said, why can’t girls fight? I haven’t even used my ultimate move yet
1423.44 After graduating high school, I applied to the police academy During the physical test As soon as the examiner blew the whistle I shot out like a rocket
1429.42 The examiners were all shocked This woman has the speed of a dog
1435.02 the agility of a monkey and the courage of an owl I was admitted with high marks
1440.48 After graduation I was assigned to the border I returned to the mountains The chief saw I was good at fighting
1446.24 and even asked who taught me
1451.42 I said my master is in the mountains Our chief said A hidden master
1456.78 Then he told me to get used to the mountains I took the sniffer dog into the mountains to patrol
1462.34 When I saw branches I just couldn’t resist On the way back the dog and I were both carrying firewood
1469.02 Our chief was amazed You adapted way too well Even the sniffer dog turned into a firewood-carrying dog
1480.74 I’ve actually adapted quite well. Even though life has always been tough, I’ve fought my way through many hardships. But the wilderness has given me great vitality.
1488.38 It’s allowed me to protect myself and also protect others. Thank you, everyone. I’m Huoguo.
1499.9 Come on. Huoguo’s ticket-locking channel is now open.
1509.16 Huoguo would like to ask a question. Why did you choose this topic this time? Actually, this is
1514.36 my favorite set of jokes. Even though I only wrote it recently, because of my life in the countryside,
1521.16 growing up with animals, it brought me a lot of joy and energy. That’s why I chose to use it.
1528.42 The story itself I think is quite vivid and interesting. And it’s also quite unique. So the story itself really draws me in.
1534.98 But when I was performing it, I felt a bit hesitant. I’m not sure if it’s because when Huoguo came on stage today, maybe she started off a bit too strong.
1540.7 That’s how I felt. So towards the end, I felt it started to go downhill a bit.
1546.0 It was the atmosphere at the scene. I performed because I think she has some really valuable qualities that I especially like.
1552.2 Of course, there are areas she needs to improve which are also quite obvious. Let me talk about the areas for improvement first. What she talked about was actually a completely personal set.
1559.16 A whole set. Because it’s about a girl basically from childhood to now, almost her whole life.
1564.64 But you have to fit it all into just a few minutes. If you were to tell the whole thing, you would have to cover every aspect. So, moving from one point to another,
1571.04 otherwise, there wouldn’t be enough time. But what makes her valuable is her energy. Yes. And her tremendous charisma and appeal on stage.
1578.5 But there’s one thing, which is, technically, you’re a newcomer. If you were very experienced, like a seasoned performer, her presence on stage should have two qualities:
1585.22 my emotions are at their peak, but I’m also very relaxed. But when we stand there, as soon as our emotions peak,
1591.16 our whole rhythm and everything else also gets intense. It seems a bit tense. That’s something she needs to improve. But the content is so unique.
1598.3 Yes. I’m curious, with your current status, can you still do more stand-up? Or have you already… I can.
1603.4 I’ve already resigned. Did you quit for stand-up? No. It’s actually because my job
1608.92 was at the border for over ten years. And then… (You can’t tell.)
1615.1 (So young!) Actually, I’ve been working for over ten years. And I haven’t really been able to go home much.
1621.52 Now my parents are getting older. I want to go back home. To take better care of them. That’s the right thing to do. So I quit my job.
1627.72 It’s okay. You can come to me if you need to call the police. I can just tell my colleagues. So are you planning to do stand-up full time?
1633.42 Yes. That’s great. It’s all very unique. Whether it’s your experience as a police officer or your childhood experiences growing up,
1640.22 Maybe Hotpot will be your future. On the path of stand-up comedy, there’s endless material. Let’s give another round of applause for Hotpot.
1647.3 And at the same time, let’s invite Shanhe back to the stage.
1653.78 That’s it. No problem. Let’s take a look at the votes for Shanhe and Hotpot.
1669.82 Look. Shanhe is just one point away from 290 votes. Shanhe is just one vote short.
1679.52 It’s okay. Go ahead. Congratulations to Shanhe for advancing.
1685.14 Hotpot needs to stay in the waiting area. Keep waiting. That’s fine.
1690.24 So steady. Thank you, everyone. Shanhe is still in the shield faction.
1695.28 Congratulations. Congratulations. What I want to express with this script
1702.74 is the story of being bullied and fighting back against bullying. But I hid it pretty deeply.
1708.22 I kept hiding it a bit deeper. I hope the audience laughs first. When they hear about me getting hit,
1713.44 they actually let out some sad sounds. Sounds of feeling sorry for me. I’m truly sorry.
1718.9 At that time, I felt like I was a weak person. So I just stood by and watched.
1725.42 I didn’t do anything. But this incident, it happened when I was in middle school. Even now,
1730.5 I still feel very upset and regretful. I wish that if I had a time machine back then,
1736.76 I could go back to that moment. I could stand by her side. What I really want to say is
1743.36 it’s okay. Hang in there, fight back.
1750.3 Things will definitely get better. Because the Shanhe team won, the Shield team needs to send out another performer.
1757.44 Does the Shield team have enough seats? The Shield team has enough seats. Yes, enough.
1763.22 The friend the Shield team is sending out is a mother. She has many stories about family life
1768.94 that she wants to share with everyone. Let’s give a warm welcome to Xiaoxue.
1782.66 Hello, everyone. I’m Xiaoxue.
1788.72 Let me introduce myself first. I’m a middle-aged woman from old Beijing. I’m also the mother of two children.
1794.74 Two kids. One of them is a girl. The other one is also a girl.
1801.18 The older one is already seven this year. The younger one is two. But I’ve found that being with kids
1806.22 really does make you feel younger. Look at me now, every day I feel like I’m as young as a grandchild.
1813.02 A home with two kids. Let me talk about our floor at home. Every day, the older one comes home and kicks off her dirty shoes.
1818.38 She just throws them on the floor. I have to pick up the shoes, wash them clean, and put them back where they belong. The toys the little one has chewed on
1824.42 are all thrown on the floor. I have to pick up the toys, wash them clean, and put them back where they belong. The older one and the younger one
1829.94 take my husband’s toothbrush and play with it on the floor. I pick it up and put it back where it belongs.
1838.5 Okay. It’s not just because I’m tired. The main thing is, both kids are always whining.
1844.34 Do you know what « zī’er zī’er » means in Beijing dialect? It means always crying. That kind of constant whining and crying. The younger one cries a lot.
1850.38 One time, she cried so miserably. Do you know why she was crying? She cried because her five fingers aren’t the same length.
1857.08 She cried for half an hour. She almost made herself throw up from crying. All I could do was stay by her side. You just have to wait until the child calms down.
1863.32 Then you can talk to her properly. I said, « Look, sweetie, » « your toes aren’t the same length either. »
1869.98 The older one cries too. She cries because her dad won’t perform a show for her. He won’t perform for her. The show where he jumps from the ninth floor.
1876.68 I said, « You’re not a little kid anymore, » « Your dad won’t do this performance for you, » « Don’t you know why? »
1882.62 « It’s because your dad doesn’t love you enough. »
1891.92 When there are more kids, if one starts crying again, there will be a contagious effect. One time, the eldest started crying again.
1897.34 She cried because her glass cup broke. I told her, « You don’t need to cry. » « You can think of it as » « breaking for good luck. »
1903.52 She said, « But now I don’t have a cup. » I said, « This is called » « Out with the old, in with the new. » « You’ll get a new cup. »
1910.28 When the younger one heard her sister was getting a new cup, she started crying too. Then I had to comfort the younger one.
1916.02 I said, « I’ll get you a new cup too. » When the eldest heard that, she realized her sister’s cup hadn’t broken.
1921.34 But she was getting a new one anyway. So she would have two cups. Then the eldest started crying again. Now, just close your eyes and imagine this constant whining sound,
1927.62 doesn’t it give you a headache? That feeling is just like the endless chattering of monkeys on both riverbanks.
1932.94 If you don’t want the kids to cry, there’s only one way. Let them play by brushing the floor with toothbrushes.
1939.18 But the real chaos was yet to come. My husband took a fall. It was a minor injury. His leg had a comminuted minor fracture.
1946.18 The eldest was very sensible. She said to me, « Mom, » « This is called breaking for good luck. »
1955.54 I said your dad almost fell to his death. This is called « out with the old, in with the new. »
1963.7 I have a new dad again. When the second child heard this, that her older sister was going to have a new dad,
1978.28 I had to comfort the second child too. I said, I’ll get you a new dad as well. When the older one heard that, that the second child’s dad wasn’t dead,
1995.52 she started whining again. It made me so angry. I said, no one is changing dads. It’s still the same one as before.
2000.62 Both kids stopped crying. But when I thought it was still the same one, I started thinking again.
2009.88 So, the personalities of these two kids are pretty good. If they want to cry, they cry. If they want to laugh, they laugh. They never stop talking.
2015.52 In our extroverted personality types and introverted personality studies, what does this count as? This counts as being extroverted, right?
2020.98 So next, I’ll tell you all about the other extreme of personality. Let me talk about my introvert.
2029.08 My husband is a very, very introverted person. Actually, I talked about this in the last episode too. My husband and I are actually a good match.
2035.42 We’re the kind of couple that people see as having the cutest height difference. I’m 1.70 meters tall.
2040.62 He’s exactly 1.58 meters tall. This is a true story. When we met through a blind date,
2047.02 it was introduced by someone else. Because we were both older, we met for a blind date. The first time we met,
2052.22 he wasn’t interested in me. He wasn’t interested in me. Friends on the second floor,
2057.54 did you hear that? He wasn’t interested in me.
2066.28 He said his ideal partner is a petite, delicate wife. I said, « Oh, come on. »
2071.62 You’re only 1.58 meters tall, and you still want a petite wife? What are you after? So you two can get free admission to the park?
2088.38 It was just the two of us. On our first dinner date, I realized he really doesn’t like to talk. You know, normally,
2093.72 when we order food at a restaurant, you have to call the waiter, right? But he wouldn’t say a word. Guess how he called them?
2099.12 He just waved his hand. If the waiter didn’t come, he would just keep quietly waving like that.
2104.78 It made me so anxious at the time. I said, you’re only 1.58 meters tall, even if you jump and shout, no one will see you.
2112.42 But he just kept waving. I said, what if there was a fire here? A big fire broke out. Would you still call for help like that?
2117.78 He said he wouldn’t do that. Definitely not. He would wave faster.
2124.88 Someone said, « Sis, » look at the way he is now, why do you still go to him? Well, even though he doesn’t like to talk, there’s one good thing about him.
2130.72 He listens to me. When I was giving birth to our eldest, my husband was allowed to be in the delivery room with me.
2136.12 I told him, « This is a rare opportunity. » How about we use the phone, and you record a video for me? Let’s keep it as a memory, right?
2141.38 He really listened. He actually recorded it. But at that time, I underestimated how hard childbirth would be. Do you know how much our eldest weighed
2147.34 when he was born? Ten jin at birth.
2152.68 Some young people might not have a clear idea about ten jin. They don’t really have a concrete concept of it. I specifically looked it up online. I said, a child weighing ten jin—
2159.48 What does that actually weigh? According to Baidu, it’s about the weight of a child.
2166.98 It’s really hard to give birth to one that big. The elderly person really listened to me. I told him to record it. He just stood right across from me.
2172.18 Standing next to the doctor. He quietly held up his phone and filmed. That kind of silence even made the doctor nervous.
2179.72 If you didn’t know, you’d think he was a family member gathering evidence.
2185.04 Even the doctor couldn’t stand it anymore. He said, « Your wife has been in labor for two hours. » « Talk to her, » « Say what you really want to say. »
2190.98 You only react when someone else reminds you. He quickly came over to me and said, « Do you have a power bank? »
2207.24 Between choosing the big or the small, he chose to protect the electricity. But even though he doesn’t like to talk,
2213.78 he speaks from the heart. He truly cares about this family. I’m being completely honest here. One time, he came home from work,
2220.22 and took something wrapped in tissue out of his pocket. It was wrapped so carefully, layer after layer. I asked, « What is it? »
2225.82 When I opened it, there were three cherries inside. They were really big. At his workplace,
2231.2 a colleague had bought the highest quality, premium cherries. He bought a big box of them. He shared them with everyone at work.
2236.82 He got three. He couldn’t bear to eat them. He wrapped them all up for me.
2241.84 When I saw that, I thought to myself, « If only I could marry his colleague, how great would that be. »
2256.04 So actually, I think compatibility in marriage isn’t about someone being perfect, right?
2262.44 Heaven gave me this mini version. His height doesn’t matter. Him not liking to talk doesn’t matter either.
2269.22 What’s important is whether, in his heart, he has you in it. I don’t need a giant in words
2275.58 but a dwarf in actions. What I want is that when I say something, the « dwarf » takes action.
2290.48 And in our family, I don’t need a giant, either. In our family, I can stand tall on my own.
2295.62 In the future, I can also raise two little giants. I’m Xiaoxue. Thank you, everyone.
2306.78 Amazing. Champion.
2311.92 She’s become so polished. Xiaoxue’s voting channel is now open.
2324.22 Let’s give another round of applause to Xiaoxue.
2329.88 I don’t know what’s going on either. In this second round, some of our actor friends compared to the first round,
2336.82 have been replaced. I’m so happy. Yes. I really didn’t expect this today.
2343.68 And I thought it would be pretty hard to talk about. Because it’s all about family stuff, like things about husbands and kids. I thought it would be hard to say anything new.
2350.42 Or anything interesting. But I don’t know what happened today. Anyway, it just feels like every act hit the mark really well.
2356.66 And it was so funny. Especially the part about the power bank. Yeah.
2362.12 She was already wild as soon as she got on stage. Because usually, when others talk, they talk about how cute their kids are. But she kept roasting her own kid.
2368.74 Your husband must be thrilled hearing this. One meter fifty-eight, right? But when he jumps, he must be at least one-sixty.
2374.8 That’s great. Xiaoxue, what do you think? Compared to the first round,
2381.26 is the second round completely different? No. Both of these scripts are like my children. Both of them. Two kids.
2389.88 Now that’s three. Three kids. This script is amazing. How did you come up with
2395.62 the idea to write something but then start criticizing your own « child »? How does that happen? That perspective is so Beijing.
2401.16 Still, you really like kids. You really like kids. I know you do. No one thinks you don’t.
2406.56 I’m just talking about that attitude. It’s just teasing, joking around. Only someone who really loves kids could say something like that.
2412.54 Just now, Mr. Luo Yonghao’s light suddenly had some issues. Mr. Luo Yonghao almost smashed the light.
2418.4 Seriously. Because he wanted to film you. He got so anxious he forgot his manners. He lost his temper with the staff.
2424.2 Because I had to, before it ended, get a shot of this light. To show my respect. Because there were several moments
2429.68 connected to that punchline that had to be filmed. That part was fantastic. Mr. Luo was always there.
2435.58 The light. Generally speaking, I usually film until the very end.
2441.82 But in her case, this could fill two entire scenes. It was just so brilliant. It was so dense and sophisticated.
2448.26 And throughout, she made her husband look absolutely terrible. He seemed completely shattered.
2453.52 But even at the end, it wasn’t overly sentimental. Yet we still instantly felt that deep emotion and love.
2462.12 I’m especially happy for Xiaoxue. Because just before the competition, the two of us ran into each other outside. She told me, looking really worried, asking what she should do.
2468.32 She said she felt a lot of pressure. Because she also understands that with the current tastes in stand-up comedy, when people hear
2474.06 a woman talk about family or her husband, they actually have some reservations inside. It’s like female stand-up comedians
2479.96 after breaking some old shackles, face new ones, like being told, « You’d better not talk about this. » So today I’m especially happy for Xiaoxue.
2486.12 She has paved a new path. It shows that it’s okay to talk about these things. I hope to hear you talk about even more. That was amazing.
2491.82 It’s rare that before finishing her performance, all four lights from the audience panel
2497.2 were already lit up. Everyone lost control. Of course. Out of control. « Out of control » is exactly the right word. It was just so good.
2502.22 So let’s take a look with this as the foundation, Xiaoxue, can you advance directly?
2510.02 Four lights and forty votes from the audience panel is a perfect score. At my age,
2517.12 let’s see whether Xiaoxue can advance directly.
2525.06 She’ll definitely advance directly with this. She definitely made it. Directly advancing. Advancing directly.
2549.12 Highest in the whole venue. This is the highest. The highest. The first female contestant to advance directly.
2557.82 Congratulations to Xiaoxue for advancing directly. And up until now,
2563.96 among all the contestants, she has the highest number of votes.
2569.34 Xiaoxue. Impressive.
2575.9 Thank you. How is it? That’s incredible. So impressive. Thank you.
2582.9 That’s great. That’s great. Awesome. So cool. That’s great. You kids from Beijing…
2588.16 Sit down. I’m not surprised at all. I’m not the least bit surprised.
2593.42 The first show I ever watched of stand-up comedy already had Sister Xiaoxue in it. It was her who made me see
2598.84 Stand-up comedy is really great. I think it broke one of my so-called personal
2604.74 misconceptions. I used to think that the audience was mostly young people who might not really get talks about family and children.
2610.2 But Sister Xiaoxue perfectly proved otherwise. That was also very encouraging for me. There are many women who
2616.26 outside of work are mothers and wives. So I think that’s also a part of women’s lives.
2621.36 She can express that. I just feel that we shouldn’t put new restrictions on ourselves anymore.
2627.06 People don’t have to fit just one mold to be good. What I like about this is that we are all different,
2632.56 but we are all pretty great. When I first entered the industry, I had only heard
2638.58 about the legend of Sister Xue. Because there was a period when Sister Xue returned to her family life. She left this industry.
2645.06 In recent years, Sister Xue has made a comeback. We met in 2019. Six years. She has been on stage
2650.86 persisting for many, many years. She is one of the earliest stand-up comedians. Stand-up comedy accompanied her through marriage,
2655.88 through having children, and through many other things. Then she took these experiences and gave them back
2662.06 on the stand-up stage, sharing them with everyone. She always finds time to spend with stand-up comedy.
2667.2 As soon as I say something, the short one takes action.
2672.54 I’ve never come in first place in my life. I’m just an average person. I’ve reached an average age.
2678.52 Living an average life. I never expected that fate would give me this first place and present it to me online.
2683.86 This time, it actually made me believe that this bracelet was made by my eldest daughter.
2690.72 She knew I was coming here, that I would be leaving her. She personally threaded it for me.
2696.18 A seven or eight-year-old child, really threading it bead by bead, carefully stringing each bead. After she finished, I felt
2701.62 like she had strained her eyes from the effort. She wished me a successful performance. But I think
2708.08 this might be the most precious thing I’ve brought with me.
2718.9 The next friend about to come on stage is also from the Shield Team.
2724.1 In the first round, he left everyone with a deep impression. In the second round, he will share with everyone the life he longs for.
2730.3 Let’s welcome Rui Rui with applause.
2740.14 Ruirui is under a lot of pressure. If Lao Rui can handle it, but he’s steady. Brother Rui is solid.
2747.22 Hi, everyone. I’m Ruirui. Thank you, everyone.
2752.72 The competition pressure is overwhelming. I’ve written a lot of new scripts lately. I handed them to the scriptwriting teacher.
2758.08 After they read what I wrote, they asked me to write new ones. It’s just too much pressure.
2763.38 So I’ll just chat casually. My hometown is a village in Northeast China. But I don’t like rural life.
2769.78 Because the economic conditions aren’t great. It was raining when everyone came today. Right? You know, when we were kids, we didn’t even have umbrellas.
2776.24 If it rained, parents would put a burlap sack over their kids and send them off to school. That’s true. And I don’t know why,
2782.16 parents wouldn’t allow their kids to laugh while wearing the burlap sack.
2791.44 What kind of lousy joke is this? But I like it.
2797.22 The stand-up show is over. I’m really not used to it.
2802.68 There’s another reason. It’s because in a rural area in Northeast China, I also spent a childhood full of superstition.
2809.48 Once when I was a kid, I had a fever of 39 degrees. My family found someone to check on me. They immediately determined the cause.
2816.08 It was either a mycoplasma infection or a deceased relative coming back to see me.
2827.54 The way they treated the illness was also very mystical. It was called « standing chopsticks. » Some of you know this, right?
2832.88 You get half a bowl of water. Stand three chopsticks upright in the water. At the same time, chant the names of deceased relatives. Whichever name you say
2838.08 and the three chopsticks stay standing, that’s the one who has come back. I was burning up with fever on the side.
2843.44 They were over there asking, « Who is it? » I was half-conscious. I thought we had installed a phone at home.
2853.74 « It’s his great-uncle. » « It’s his great-uncle. » « You stay there. »
2858.88 « Great-uncle, » « don’t bother the child anymore. » « The child is young, » « can’t handle too much trouble. » « You should leave now. » « The child’s health is most important. »
2864.28 I thought to myself, so you do know health is most important. If you would just look at me for a second, you should come over first
2869.88 and wipe the foam off my mouth.
2876.24 When he was chanting about my great-uncle, three chopsticks stood upright. That must mean my great-uncle came back.
2881.88 How else would you explain it? It can’t just be because of the water’s surface tension and the effect of air pressure making an axially symmetrical
2887.04 wooden object with a density less than the liquid stand upright like that, right?
2898.74 That would be too absurd. My great-uncle wasn’t educated at all when he was alive.
2906.04 But over there, he became the physics class representative.
2913.22 To be honest, no matter who you chant about, the chopsticks will stand. Even if you say it’s Trump,
2925.34 they’ll still stand up. Using this method to treat a child is way too dangerous if you think about it.
2930.4 Luckily, that day my teacher was worried about me and came to my house to check on me. Thank goodness he came. He was stunned as soon as he walked in.
2935.58 He said, « You guys are being ridiculous. » Then he picked me up right away and said, « You have to kneel for your heart to be sincere. »
2947.78 In the rural areas of Northeast China, both material and spiritual aspects are truly lacking on both levels. Our elementary school was a dangerous building.
2954.14 It was the kind that leaned and tilted. Everyone has seen too many of those buildings that stand straight and upright. But have you ever seen a building that’s always at ease?
2961.52 Just standing there, slightly slouched. Just standing like that. And you know, its ceiling was caved in. Whenever it was windy or rainy,
2967.34 bricks and clumps of dirt would fall onto the ceiling. It was especially dangerous. The children sat inside the classroom, their eyes filled with
2972.58 a dual longing for knowledge and survival. Later, we just accepted it. If something fell on someone,
2978.26 that child was just maybe not meant to go to school.
2986.24 One day, it was windy and rainy. The weather was really bad. The roof was rattling loudly.
2991.32 Our teacher looked at the roof, helpless. He said something to us that I still remember to this day. He said, « Kids,
2996.92 if you get the chance, you must go out into the world. » Before he even finished speaking, we all ran outside.
3002.28 That day, a group of children stood in the rain, watching the building that was always slouched as if it was about to squat down.
3008.76 I wondered why we had to live like this. Kids are supposed to be at school, isn’t school supposed to be an ivory tower?
3013.92 But the tower said, the tower said, « In the wind and rain… »
3029.68 I really don’t quite understand. I don’t get it. Guys, I’m 35 years old this year. I’ve spent the past 35 years working hard on one thing.
3034.84 That is, getting out of the countryside. I worked really hard. I wanted to live in the city. I hope my child can be born directly in the city.
3040.72 So that as soon as they’re born, they can see skyscrapers. Buses and subways. Prepared meals.
3045.98 All of that should be there. Because I live in Shenyang. Now I’ve barely scraped together a down payment to buy a house. I worked really hard for it.
3051.12 Now I’ve finally found my footing in the city. I have a girlfriend. Her family is originally from the city.
3056.34 One time, the two of us were talking. We talked about a certain topic. About the future. What kind of life we want to live. She said the life she longs for most
3063.38 is to have a small courtyard in the countryside. I said,
3068.5 Excuse me?
3075.6 I asked, what do you want to do? She said, I want to have a small courtyard in the countryside. I said, and then?
3080.68 She said, put up a fence. Plant some flowers. Grow some corn. Raise some chickens and ducks.
3087.7 I said, have you been to my house before?
3095.92 She said she likes the atmosphere in the countryside. I think there’s no such thing as an atmosphere in the countryside. She started begging me.
3101.22 She said, « I’m begging you. » « Let’s go live in the countryside together. » « Let’s go back together. » I said I’ve worked hard for over thirty years. I came out to pick you up.
3125.84 That’s true. I don’t know if anyone else is like her. She had never been to the countryside. She longed for it so much. For a while, I couldn’t say no to her.
3131.88 I took her back to my rural hometown once. Before we set off, she was as happy as a little sparrow. The two of us set off.
3137.24 As the drive went on and on, there were more and more mountains around us. She started to get scared.
3143.14 That’s what I said. Later, when I handed her some water, she didn’t dare drink it anymore.
3148.88 I even took a call on the way. I said, « We’re almost there. » « Is everything ready? » After hanging up, I asked her,
3154.82 « Why aren’t you happy anymore? » She said, « You love me, right? »
3164.5 Because we traveled for a long time that day, she eventually noticed the change in the surroundings. She said to me,
3169.8 « Your village is really quite run-down. » I thought your village would be run-down, but I didn’t expect it to be this run-down. I quickly tried to comfort her.
3175.2 I said, « This is just the town, » « We haven’t reached our village yet. »
3182.3 She said the slogan in your town is really well written. I asked, « Which slogan? » She said, « The one that says— » « Tomatoes are a treasure, »
3188.0 « Tomato King can’t go wrong. » I said, « That’s right. » Every bucket of Tomato King uses about one sun-ripened tomato. I’m not even as sunny as it is.
3195.18 What the heck? It’s not easy for a kid from the countryside to land a business deal. What are you guys doing?
3207.48 This is all part of a rural support project. That day, we walked a long way. We finally arrived at my house.
3213.64 But as everyone knows, when you go to a new environment, excitement outweighs nervousness. As soon as she got to my house, she got excited.
3219.1 Because as soon as she entered the gate, she saw a live chicken running around the yard. She said, « I know what that is! » « That’s called a free-range chicken. » « Free-range chickens are great. »
3225.6 But everyone knows people in the countryside are simple and honest. My mom couldn’t tell if that was a compliment or if she was ordering food.
3239.48 That was the chicken’s last day roaming around.
3248.1 The next day, we visited my uncle’s house. She said, « Look! » « Your uncle has a big goose! » « Your house doesn’t even have a big goose. »
3253.28 As everyone knows, people in the countryside are simple and honest. After that, my uncle’s house didn’t have a big goose anymore either.
3259.86 Those days, whatever she complimented ended up dying. One day, they were chatting.
3265.06 My mom said to her, She said, « Thank you for choosing Rui Rui. » She said, « Auntie, » « Please don’t say that. » Ruirui is really great.
3270.16 I told you, don’t praise me. Don’t praise me.
3277.56 Why did I take her back with me? I thought that by going back once, it would break her illusions about the countryside.
3282.66 But I didn’t expect that after she went, she still really liked it. But I know the reason. It’s because we only stayed for seven days.
3287.7 If we stayed any longer, she would definitely find it inconvenient. Seven days is my limit too.
3294.4 It’s also the limit for our village.
3305.14 If we stay any longer, my dad will have to go into the mountains to hunt.
3310.26 Now that I’m away from home, I rarely think back to that rural hometown. Very rarely.
3315.36 But whenever I do think of it, it’s usually when things aren’t going well for me outside. Or when I’m filling out my place of residence.
3322.1 Honestly, friends, I’m 35 years old, but I’m still quite sentimental. Sometimes I’ve imagined that one day, no matter what I’m doing,
3327.7 I suddenly wake up with a start and find myself back in my elementary school classroom. My deskmate would ask me, « What happened to you just now? »
3333.6 I’d say, « I had a very, very long dream. » In the dream, I became an adult, left the countryside,
3339.06 and lived in an apartment building. But later, we lost touch. He’d say, « There’s something I care about. »
3344.58 « When we went to middle school, did we get new classrooms? » I’d say, « Don’t worry, » « you stopped studying after elementary school. »
3352.1 He’d say, « Then if I want to contact you, » « how should I reach you? » I’d say, « Just look for half a bowl of water. »
3357.88 Thank you, everyone. I’m Ruirui.
3368.22 Champion.
3375.16 Ruirui’s ticket-locking channel is now open.
3383.26 Let’s give another round of applause to Rui Rui. Rui Rui, do you think this round was different from the previous one?
3390.46 I think this time I was much more confident than in the first round. I was also a lot more relaxed. Especially after Xue Jie bombed like that,
3395.72 I completely relaxed, you know? I just spoke freely. That was my mindset. And thank you all as well. Thank you for listening.
3401.3 Thank you. About Xiao Xue,
3406.5 I believe that whoever had to go after her was facing every stand-up comedian’s nightmare. I was thinking,
3411.9 whoever follows her is just unlucky. I was anxious about it the whole time. But I didn’t expect you to handle it so calmly and bring your performance
3417.14 to a level on par with hers. That was amazing. I’m really, really happy for you. Thank you, teacher.
3423.76 Can I ask to hear the density and pressure bit again?
3429.24 Go ahead. Come on, that rapid-fire bit. It can’t possibly be under the influence of water’s surface tension and air pressure
3435.04 that an axially symmetric wooden object with a density less than the liquid would stand exactly at the point of gravitational balance and just stay there, right? That’s all.
3442.46 Yes, you’ve practiced. People who can perform on rural stages are truly different.
3448.84 I’m especially happy for you. I just feel all words feel flat. I can’t describe how genuinely happy I am right now.
3454.7 I’m so happy for you. You finally have your own stage. I’m especially, especially happy. I know. Because since last year,
3460.16 the teacher has been saying you’re really reliable. You’re truly excellent. I know. All the way until this year, fortunately, there was a performance
3465.4 that put both of you at ease. Thank you for your constant support. That’s wonderful. I especially feel
3471.7 that an actor’s gradual accumulation is especially valuable. Because over the past year, I often come across your livestreams.
3477.8 You see my livestreams too? There are only 17 people in my livestream room. One of them is me. One of them is probably me.
3485.36 So I’m especially happy. Just seeing someone suddenly able to let their brilliance shine out that feeling of blossoming
3490.98 is amazing. Let me share some news with everyone. Ruirui was actually discovered by Guangzhi.
3500.06 Guangzhi regrets it now. He’s a little regretful. He’s a bit too impressive.
3505.8 Last year, I performed together with Rui. And I didn’t catch him. Then I asked him again, if any shows had contacted him. He said no one had.
3511.0 So I recommended him to come here. But he’s definitely more talented on his own. Today, finally on this stage,
3516.46 he proved himself. And proved that my taste isn’t wrong. I want to ask, why did you end your praise for Rui
3524.16 by praising yourself? I’m just shameless like that. I just like it.
3530.0 Is that not okay, Teacher Zhang? What’s going on? Is that not okay, Teacher Zhang? What’s going on?
3540.74 Go ahead and roast him, that’s right. I did contribute a little to this performance.
3548.8 Teacher He. Don’t. With your current status in stand-up comedy, is there anything you can’t do? Nothing.
3554.4 You’re the teacher. I think the best thing to do now is for everyone to
3560.02 take a look at Rui’s votes. Alright.
3565.56 All four lights from the comedy panel are on. Rui needs someone to challenge him.
3570.84 Or can Rui advance directly again? Please watch.
3581.12 Did you advance? Advanced. Advanced. Advanced.
3597.56 Thank you.
3606.26 Ruirui, 292 votes. Directly advanced. Let’s give Ruirui a round of applause.
3619.02 That’s great. That’s pretty awesome. That’s amazing.
3624.14 « Ruixue » means a good harvest year.
3630.4 I didn’t expect that. When the yellow light above my head turned on, I just felt that kind of halo of life
3637.26 was crowning you. No need to go to the finals anymore. This round is enough. It’s over. This has the authentic flavor.
3643.06 And Rui has a clever touch. He looks rough on the outside, but he’s really cute when telling jokes.
3649.48 Yes, his charm really came out this year. I really envy friends from the Northeast.
3656.42 Because of their environment, and their language, they’re naturally funny.
3661.82 I’m from Shenyang, Liaoning. Shenyang, Liaoning. Shenyang, Liaoning.
3668.54 I’m from Daqing, Heilongjiang. They told me this was a Northeast gathering. Turns out it’s just a Shenyang gathering.
3675.68 The economic situation isn’t good. So everyone’s doing stand-up now. Shenyang, Liaoning Province.
3681.92 Jilin City, Jilin Province. Yanji. Fuxin, Liaoning Province. I’m a true Dalian local. He’s from Wafangdian.
3688.32 That’s a suburb of Dalian. He’s a bit more authentic than me. What he means is
3696.62 He’s a rapper. He just has that natural sense of humor. And he’s a bit cheeky.
3701.72 He likes to jump into conversations. He’s straightforward. He doesn’t beat around the bush. He doesn’t try to sound profound. He never tries to moralize.
3708.02 All of a sudden, he makes you burst out laughing. And Northeastern humor has a kind of more realistic quality. Why are you using such big words?
3714.58 It’s just down-to-earth, relatable. Just dress it up a bit, what’s the harm? And most importantly, it rhymes.
3720.78 Rhyming with rhyming. Four, six, eight. In a word, that’s Er Ge. A big fire burned for two days. My dad was fined six thousand.
3728.14 If you’re talking about literature, I like Shuang Xuetao’s « The Aviator, » « Moses on the Plain, »
3733.34 I like « The Hunter. » Some little passages are especially interesting, I think. It all basically started from skits.
3738.88 « Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow. » I’m Baiyun. I’m Heitu. He’s my husband. She’s my mother.
3744.08 I’m the year of the Rooster. I’m the year of the Tiger. I’m seventy-three. I’m eighty-five. Bro, that’s awesome.
3749.26 What is that? Ninety-eight, ninety-eight, that’s incredible. A bumper harvest.
3754.36 The floods have been driven away. The people live and work in peace. Everyone praises the Party’s leadership. Brilliant.
3761.1 The best TV series to film is « Ma Dashuai. » Yeah, it’s really good. Did I just show my butt? What?
3766.84 Butt. That’s called a flaw. My dad is so big. How could he get lost? Is your dad bigger or is the city bigger? Fan Debiao.
3772.18 These should all belong to the category of the Four Great Classical Novels. Really. « Hamlet. » Should be on par with « Ma Dashuai. »
3777.24 They should be ranked equally. Hamlet and Fan Debiao are both about not being able to escape the embarrassment of human limitations.
3783.98 Yeah. Well said. And I like watching that old show « A Family in Northeast China. » I feel like that was my earliest introduction to comedy.
3789.22 That feeling. And also « Idle Ma Dajie » or something. Is that from the Northeast too? Tianjin, « Idle Ma Dajie. »
3794.28 Then cut this part out, don’t air it. You are a You are a warm-hearted person.
3800.84 You are a You are someone who can’t sit still. What else? To fulfill that dream,
3807.42 Why am I performing Errenzhuan here? Why is that? Isn’t this a talk show? The first month of the lunar year is New Year.
3816.14 The first day of the New Year. The elders go to wish the young a happy New Year.
3822.5 The young should wish the elders. That’s completely backwards. But now there are even more special skills that have developed.
3827.96 For example, jumping through hoops, blowing up gloves, I can do that. Blowing up a glove with your nose.
3833.38 Take an acrobat’s glove, put it over your head, and then blow it up like this. You can blow it up really big.
3838.84 Have you worked in a nightclub in Northeast China? He can do tricks with rice paddles.
3844.06 Just two wooden rice paddles. He can use them to play the rhythm of kuaiban. He can use them to play the rhythm of kuaiban. That’s a skill. A pure skill.
3849.4 As the saying goes, the sky fears dark clouds, the earth fears wind. Chicks fear the old hawk.
3857.44 It’s just embarrassing.
3863.5 I suddenly feel right now that as a tool for others I have no rights at all
3868.8 But now I think if someone is especially outstanding I plan to tear my clothes
3875.58 Shaogang is here Take a look
3880.92 Shaogang is dressed just like Liang Long Teacher Liang Long
3886.06 No, Teacher Shaogang What are you going to do? Press the light How about you sit here
3891.22 You can press my light If you could say a little less I would really appreciate it Sorry
3896.42 Thank you I have an idea If the contestants coming up are each more outstanding than the last
3901.62 and the competition is very close I would like to ask the director team to seriously
3907.76 consider the request I am making now which is that I want to exceed the 30 slots Okay Agreed
3915.52 For example, we all pull up the overall ranking. So, regarding the overall ranking, among those who have already advanced,
3921.06 if someone has the same score, for example, can we agree What I mean is,
3926.66 is it possible to let more outstanding stand-up comedians continue to shine in the next round?
3932.1 Okay. That’s my suggestion. (Okay.) Directors, please
3937.98 let us perform our part, and directors, you can have your meeting on site. Is that alright? They’ve already finished.
3944.02 Up next, still from Agreed. 25 exclamation marks. 25 exclamation marks.
3949.22 Now, the directors have sent me a message on the teleprompter saying « Agreed. »
3959.28 So, everyone, let’s go all out, okay? Okay.
3965.4 Next up is a contestant from the Shield team. In the last episode, he shared that he’s going to be a dad.
3972.9 This time, he’s going to share stories about his own parents. Let’s welcome Jiye with applause.
3990.62 Hello, everyone. I originally thought it would be a shield against a spear.
3998.44 But when the shield goes crazy, it even attacks other shields. You get the « shield » on top but not on the bottom. When an avalanche happens,
4003.76 no one named Rui is innocent.
4009.1 I don’t know why we need to split into groups. It’s unnecessary. Look at this color.
4015.86 It really matches the current state of our stand-up comedy industry. It’s a period of transition.
4022.66 I’m very happy. Let me bring you some performances with less than 290 votes.
4034.8 I’ll stand up first. Then I’m going to get hyped. Let’s get hyped!
4041.6 Alright. In the first episode, I shared my feelings about becoming a father. I’m worried because I honestly don’t really know how to educate my child in the future.
4048.44 In my own childhood, I didn’t receive a very good education. When I was young, my dad used a kind of tough-love education on me.
4053.96 Even when we went to the bathhouse, he would personally scrub my back. Every time we went, I felt like I was being abused at home.
4060.4 His hands were way too strong. Also known as « Bathhouse Astro Boy. »
4065.56 He wouldn’t even wet the towel he used on me. Has anyone ever been scrubbed with sandpaper?
4071.44 He scrubbed my pores wide open. He turned me, a little kid, into SpongeBob.
4080.9 I said, « Dad, it hurts. » My dad said, « If you can’t even handle this little bit of pain, » before you even enter society,
4085.94 your rough edges will be worn down by me first. Good thing I’m not Yue Fei, or the words just tattooed on my back would have been rubbed off.
4091.86 My mom didn’t really care much about my education either. The only time she ever encouraged me was after I took the college entrance exam.
4097.0 She insisted on throwing me a graduation banquet. To celebrate for me. I had no idea what we were celebrating.
4103.3 Celebrating that I got into the top third-tier university in Shanxi Province. It’s not that my mom cared about me,
4109.1 she just wanted to collect gift money. I scored 200 on the college entrance exam, but collected 500 yuan in gift money from relatives.
4115.5 While others fight tooth and nail to cross a single-log bridge, my mom just keeps raking in the cash.
4122.5 She even wanted to invite my teachers. I said, « Mom, » « Which teacher would dare to come? »
4128.86 « You’re not planning to » poison the teachers’ food, are you? » If the teachers really did come,
4135.24 the scene would be just like in Tiny Times. My mom would raise her glass
4141.44 and say, « The reason we’re gathered here today
4148.34 is to celebrate the most outstanding child in our family, Ji Ye. »
4154.06 It’s just too ridiculous, really. Every word of thanks sounds so sarcastic.
4159.26 Without the teachers’ hard work, Ji Ye wouldn’t have made it this far.
4169.8 Thank you, teacher, for all your hard work. The teacher is scared too. I didn’t put in any hard work either.
4175.4 It can’t be today, right? When it comes to education, our family definitely can’t help.
4181.5 Actually, I’m more worried about the child’s health. I’m really afraid the child won’t grow tall. It’s hereditary in our family. My mom is 1.5 meters tall.
4188.14 My dad is 1.5 meters tall with shoes on. Their marriage can be considered fifty-fifty. Truly gender equality.
4195.0 When I was little, just by looking, you could tell we were a family. Both my parents are pretty chubby. Seriously, when we take a family photo, it looks like we’re having a party.
4201.36 Like an egg tart party. If someone gets lost, no one can find anyone.
4208.46 One time, we went to see lanterns. All three of us got lost. On the fifteenth day of the lunar new year, ours was the only family that didn’t reunite.
4214.84 Later, I listened to Accusefive’s music. It really resonated with me. The short ones missed out.
4221.6 I understood this when I was six years old. It’s true, as long as my parents were around, I didn’t dare go far. I’m 1.75 meters tall now.
4227.36 That’s not considered very tall. But if you know where I started, you wouldn’t laugh at where I ended up.
4232.5 The first lottery I ever won was the genetic lottery. I’m afraid my child might not be so lucky. When I was a child, I was often laughed at by others.
4238.9 In middle school, I was only 1.3 meters tall. I wasn’t even as tall as the desk. During class, the teacher said I looked like a crocodile.
4245.8 I couldn’t stand out in class. My deskmate was a boy. We were both very short. It looked ambiguous when we sat together in class.
4252.64 When others raised their hands in class, the two of us could only just reach the desk. Our classmates gave us nicknames.
4257.76 They called him Wu Dalang. I was shorter than him, so I was considered Wu Dalang’s younger brother. They called me Wu Cilang.
4264.4 I’m also worried about what my child will look like. I’m afraid he’ll look too much like me. If he grows up to look like me, he’ll be at a disadvantage.
4270.26 Last month, I attended an event. There was someone else attending with me— a really handsome guy. He was seriously good-looking. My friend tried to comfort me,
4275.94 saying that being that handsome isn’t necessarily useful. After all, he still had to attend the event with you. There was a makeup artist arranged for us.
4281.6 He did makeup for both me and the handsome guy at the same time. Fun fact, everyone: I myself know how to look in the mirror.
4286.64 I know the difference between me and the handsome guy when it comes to looks. But the makeup artist was very professional. He didn’t show any reaction.
4292.3 He really didn’t say, « I’m not doing your makeup. » Or, « I’m not taking this job. » But he did reveal it through some subtle details.
4297.82 He let it slip in small ways. But it wasn’t as obvious as showing it outright. Before he started doing my makeup, he would take a deep breath.
4306.96 But when he does makeup for handsome guys, he exhales. Do you guys get it?
4312.64 The difference between « hu » and « hu »? That’s the makeup artist’s bronchial reaction. A physiological response to different looks.
4318.9 I thought the makeup artist was choking on phlegm. Turns out the makeup artist was choking on looks. He uses different adjectives for the two of us.
4324.8 He first praises the handsome guy for being handsome. Then he uses a bunch of adverbs to modify « handsome ». Super handsome, extremely handsome, especially handsome.
4330.84 If he were typing, I wouldn’t even recognize the word « handsome » anymore. After praising the handsome guy, the makeup artist turns to me and says, « Ji Ye, »
4337.1 « You’re really pale. » I was waiting for the next sentence. There was no next sentence.
4343.04 Just « You’re really pale. » I asked, « Why only one sentence? » I like Liu Zhenyun. « One Sentence Worth Ten Thousand »
4348.8 Even when I praise a steamed bun, I don’t just say it’s white. Just going with « white » alone. Not going to use any adverbs to modify the adjective?
4354.4 Super white, extremely white. Even « Liby » would work. Is your language really that limited?
4359.64 Did you forget everything you learned in elementary school? White as snow. Red as fire. Pink as the clouds at dawn.
4368.76 He didn’t just praise how handsome he was, he also said that the guy was handsome in a particular way, the kind of handsome that’s well-behaved. It was the first time I realized
4373.86 that there could be so many nuances to being handsome. But ugly is just ugly. No one would ever say,
4378.94 « Ji Ye, you’re so ugly, » « the kind of ugly that’s rebellious. » And that makeup artist
4384.76 would first praise the handsome guy, then turn around and compliment me for being fair-skinned. I know the makeup artist was trying to please everyone, but I’ve never seen
4390.72 someone try to balance things so awkwardly. It was like trying to balance a whole Huangguoshu Waterfall. If you can’t keep the water level, just spill it on the ground,
4397.58 no need to splash it on my face. He spent the whole day saying how fair Ji Ye was, but only I knew that Ji Ye isn’t actually fair-skinned,
4403.64 it’s just the foundation that’s white. I’ve always worried about my child’s looks and education. I’m afraid he’ll suffer the same way I did.
4409.58 Until last month at a family dinner, my dad started talking about the child we might have in the future. He said, « You’re not good-looking, »
4414.84 « and you’re not that smart, » « so the kid definitely shouldn’t be like you. » I said, « Yeah, »
4419.98 « because I’m just like you. » My wife interrupted us, and said, « Why can’t the child be like you? »
4425.88 « Even though you’re like this, » « I still love you. » I was really moved at that moment.
4431.64 I really wanted to ask my wife. I wanted to ask, « What am I like? » But I didn’t say it out loud.
4437.54 Because I know that, just like my child, no matter what, it’s always her. That’s what love looks like. Alright, thank you, everyone. I’m Jiye, thank you all.
4443.34 Thank you.
4455.08 Jiye after a long sigh. Ticket locking countdown.
4464.64 Thank you. Thank you, everyone. Ji Ye’s performance just now was outstanding.
4470.98 Especially since he performed after those two contestants. It was really hard to follow them. Very hard to follow. But in your first half,
4476.02 I think you almost managed to keep up. It even felt like you were on par with them.
4481.58 So I was sitting here, eagerly anticipating. But starting from the part about handsome guys, and your bit after that,
4487.44 it felt like the content in the second half of your act was not as strong as the first half.
4492.92 Right, because it’s a new bit. Yes, so the earlier part felt very polished.
4498.98 But the latter part felt of course, it didn’t quite match the quality of the first half. The quality and level weren’t the same. It was a bit like a small horse pulling a big cart.
4504.88 It wasn’t bad, but it just dropped off. I understand. I hope you understand. You know how I feel about you.
4511.06 I know, Teacher Luo. As for how I feel about you, maybe you don’t know. I’ve been hanging out in your livestream a lot lately. Buying maternity and baby products
4517.26 Bought way too much And things are really cheap in Teacher Luo’s livestream Basically, I feel the same as Teacher Luo Right at the beginning
4522.98 I was still laughing like crazy And because the first two were really explosive
4528.66 Then my feelings and Sister Luyu’s were pretty much the same We were kind of too tired to laugh Completely unable to laugh anymore We were almost hoarse from laughing
4533.86 But I still really like what Jiye said Thank you, Teacher By the end, I just couldn’t laugh anymore
4539.06 Physically, my laughter couldn’t keep up The later part really wasn’t as good as the beginning But still, somewhere in the middle
4544.66 I would definitely clap Yes So it’s still a I think it’s a pretty good bit
4549.82 It all just felt really good And Jiye just feels like his family really loves him He has a really wonderful family Right Jiye’s family
4558.66 Um, Teacher Da, can you not every time be so sudden like this? If a joke isn’t sudden, how can it work?
4565.06 It’s fine, just set it up a bit So have you been writing scripts for shows lately? It’s just a bit, in my mind
4570.42 Yeah, I really can’t handle it anymore It’s okay Let’s take a look at Jiye’s votes
4580.62 The Mao group needs to start the mic grab.
4586.12 The people from the Mao group are coming.
4594.16 Li Wen It just so happens that Jiye and I are also very good friends. So if we can perform together,
4599.38 I’d be especially happy. The two of us are really good friends. Yes, we really are. I don’t know how many fake friends he has outside,
4604.56 but at least our friendship is real. Jiye, take a short break. Okay. The next performer coming on stage
4611.68 is currently the only one left on stage who is still a university student.
4617.52 Please give a warm welcome to Li Wen.
4630.86 Hi Thank you, I’m Li Wen. I’m currently in graduate school.
4638.0 I’m in my third year of grad school. I just finished my graduation defense last week.
4644.16 It was so hard, guys. So difficult. That master’s defense was really much harder than the undergraduate defense.
4649.56 Because during undergrad, you actually know what your thesis is about. You know what you wrote. But my master’s thesis,
4654.8 let alone a master’s student, even an academician wouldn’t understand it. No one could understand it. So throughout my defense,
4660.84 I felt really unconfident. From the moment I walked up to the podium, you could feel my whole vibe was
4666.48 just hoping for the best. It was written all over my face: « Even if I didn’t achieve much, at least I worked hard. » Standing on that podium, I just wasn’t confident.
4673.28 Back in undergrad, I was so confident up there. Standing on that podium, no matter which professor was in the audience, I’d just greet them right away. Hello professors, I’m Li Wen.
4679.68 But for the master’s defense, I felt like I was faking it. As soon as I got up there, it felt like I was just performing. The moment I stood on the podium, it all began.
4690.04 Hello, esteemed professors. It’s an honor to participate in this defense.
4696.04 I am Professor Zhu’s student.
4702.28 Every sentence, friends, is a technique. Addressing the professors respectfully is to elevate them. Saying it’s an honor to participate lowers yourself.
4707.54 It’s about being humble. That part in the middle, is to act cute.
4713.24 At the end, you have to introduce yourself. Saying you are Professor Zhu’s student is to let them know that you should respect the owner before scolding the dog.
4719.2 Also, before the defense, there’s another important step. It’s called the blind draw. Some theses are randomly selected for blind review.
4724.68 This is very tough. It’s easy to fail. No one wants to be selected. Everyone prays before the draw. They make wishes. I say, please don’t pick me.
4730.24 Don’t pick me. Heaven and earth spirits, please help me. My roommate got anxious hearing this. He said, “Ptooey, ptooey, ptooey!” Don’t bring up spirits when it comes to your thesis.
4744.0 I have some thoughts after finishing my defense. I feel like the defense isn’t much different from doing stand-up comedy.
4749.1 When I was on that defense stage, I was speaking with all my effort, just for the people sitting below to vote for me. There were also four advisors sitting in the middle.
4756.58 The things I was saying, as soon as they heard them, they wanted to laugh. But it didn’t matter.
4761.6 They were still very tolerant. Because the people sitting below were Teacher Zhu and his friends.
4769.64 I’ve figured it out, everyone. I’ve really figured it out. Doing stand-up should be just like a defense. When I get on stage, I just bluff.
4775.68 Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. I just start performing as soon as I’m up there. Once I stand on this stage, I begin.
4782.44 Hello, esteemed audience. It’s an honor to perform for you all.
4789.24 My script was revised by Li Dan. I just say whatever comes to mind.
4795.9 That’s how my graduate studies went. It was pretty average. Someone advised me before I started. They told me not to go to graduate school. It was my dad’s good friend, Uncle Liu.
4802.98 So, who is Uncle Liu? Uncle Liu is a nouveau riche. He didn’t even go to high school. But he caught the wave of the times.
4808.1 He made his fortune raising pigs. So he always thought studying was useless. If you tell him « there’s a house of gold in books, »
4813.38 He’ll say « there’s a house of gold in pigs. » When he recalls not going to high school, or not taking the college entrance exam, he doesn’t regret it at all.
4819.1 He doesn’t feel any remorse. He only feels lucky. He even thinks it was a close call.
4824.5 I almost let knowledge change my fate. So whenever he sees me, he especially likes to do one thing now.
4830.04 He loves to quiz me with all sorts of questions. Because he hopes to stump me. Then he can prove, you see, that reading all these books is useless.
4836.68 I remember one time meeting him, we were at the dinner table, both pretty drunk. He started asking, he said, « Xiao Li,
4843.6 let me ask you, you graduate students, all day long, what exactly do you study? » I thought, why are you asking me this?
4850.1 Are you planning to take the graduate entrance exam? But since he’s an elder, I still had to answer him properly.
4855.7 So I thought I’d just mention some professional knowledge to shut him up. I said, « I’m researching the toluene disproportionation reaction to produce para-xylene. »
4866.48 I didn’t expect him to say, « I understand. Benzene
4873.34 is toxic. Even pigs would die if they ate it.
4878.64 You should be careful. » I said, « Uncle Liu, it’s like this: we college students
4884.0 aren’t the same as pigs. And toluene isn’t the same as benzene. Toluene has one more methyl group than benzene.
4891.34 Toluene is relatively safer. » I thought he wouldn’t have anything more to say. But then he said to me, « I understand.
4898.4 Then why don’t you research something real? »
4906.24 Guys, that’s exactly what he said. As soon as he finished, I understood. He didn’t actually want to know the answer to that question. He wouldn’t even understand the answer.
4912.18 He just wanted to test me. So I figured it out too. I could say whatever I wanted.
4918.84 I said, honestly, it’s really expensive.
4923.94 We can’t afford it. Guys, I thought I was being sarcastic. But as soon as he heard me say we can’t afford it, he got all fired up.
4931.2 He said, « You can’t afford it? » « Tell Uncle Liu how much you need. »
4936.84 It felt like he just had to start a battle between money and knowledge. I felt like he was humiliating me. I said, « A million. »
4944.3 Guys, I gave a ridiculous price. Because a bottle of toluene only costs 25.
4949.84 But without even thinking, he made the sound of opening a soda bottle at me. He said,
4957.36 « A million? » « Uncle Liu will pay for it. »
4963.2 « You just go study that for real. » I was like, huh?
4969.68 At that moment, I felt Uncle Liu’s fatherly vibe was so strong.
4978.14 I feel amazing, my friends. Just three sentences. This man spent a million on me.
4983.34 Of course, I know Uncle Liu is just bragging after drinking too much. But he hasn’t had enough yet. If Uncle Liu drinks a bit more, he’ll start talking more about his life.
4989.28 He’ll talk about raising pigs and the skills and experience he gained from it. Even the philosophies he learned from pigs. He goes on and on.
4995.1 I really can’t listen anymore. I want to raise my glass to interrupt him. I say, Uncle Liu, that’s enough. Let’s toast to the pig teacher.
5006.3 But Uncle Liu won’t stop. Uncle Liu just won’t stop. He’ll keep talking. He’ll talk about his pig farm. He says his pig farm now is so advanced,
5011.8 so modern. All the pigs live in their own rooms. They eat on time every day. They sleep on time.
5016.88 Their rooms even play music they like. I still didn’t quite get it. My dad tapped me. He said, how is that any different from you?
5024.54 When he said that, there was a bowl of stir-fried pork on the table. I looked at the stir-fried pork. I said, maybe
5030.84 I can change my own fate. That’s all for now, thank you everyone. Bye-bye.
5043.68 Li Wen’s ticket channel is now open.
5052.84 Why did Li Wen think of writing about this? Because most of my jokes are based on a character and a setting
5058.7 to tell a story. This time, I chose this story because I wanted to talk about my attitude towards studying and going to school.
5064.9 My perspective on this matter. Because I think studying is truly a very important thing. Many times, when I hear some elders
5070.48 they might have some survivor bias and say things that I think aren’t quite right.
5075.84 So I want to share my own perspective and talk about it too. Anyway, when I listen to his stories I feel very comfortable. Yes, comfortable.
5081.42 And it feels like something very close to us, very vivid and lively. Also, Li Wen’s stand-up has a special trait: if you look at these two times,
5087.4 there’s always someone we remember. Right. Teacher Zhu and Uncle Liu. Teacher Zhu has always been there. I just feel a bit regretful.
5093.44 Because last time was amazing. That feeling really hooked people. And it stuck with us. It was really great. It makes you really look forward to it.
5099.6 And then, after the real or fake part, it just ended. Uncle Liu doesn’t have a catchphrase. He just didn’t create one.
5105.98 A catchphrase comes out. It’s that one that keeps going back and forth. The punchline that circles around you. The identifying feature is a bit lacking.
5111.24 Yes, it’s a bit of a pity. Look at his image and temperament. And he expresses himself calmly and comfortably.
5118.78 Everything about his performance is like that. It’s like in a talk show, where there are a lot of « mudslides » or whatever.
5124.1 He’s the typical fresh and light style. Li Wen Actually, you and Uncle Liu don’t need to convince each other.
5130.08 You just have your own pursuits. Meituan Flash Sale can help both of you communicate.
5136.46 You help Uncle Liu buy a book. Uncle Liu gives you a pig. Meituan Flash Sale becomes your house of gold.
5145.98 This performance is good in every aspect. But in every dimension, it’s just a little bit worse than the last round.
5152.34 So I hesitated and didn’t press the button. For every performance, you use a cleverly designed script
5158.16 to recreate a character you’ve seen. As a series of performances, we’re also really looking forward to it.
5164.22 We just hope it can maintain the quality of the previous round. That might be even more appealing. Really looking forward to it.
5173.14 Let’s give another round of applause to Li Wen. Ji Ye returns to the stage.
5178.26 Let’s take a look at the scores for Ji Ye and Li Wen.
5196.06 Ji Ye 245 Successfully advanced Meanwhile, Li Wen has to keep waiting in the waiting area
5204.78 Gou has made it in It was so hard I’m about to break It’s okay
5217.68 There’s only one person left in the Shield Group now This is the last performer from the Shield Group
5224.3 In the previous episode He shared with everyone some of his thoughts about life This time he wants to talk about
5230.9 some of his feelings about himself Please welcome Kid with a round of applause
5243.04 Hello, everyone. I’m Kid. Hello to the friends on the second floor.
5250.98 Lately, I often feel like I’m stuck in the middle, neither here nor there. For example, my
5256.54 education. I just have an ordinary bachelor’s degree. It’s hard to get immediate recognition from the audience.
5261.7 Look at us well-educated performers. When they come on stage, Columbia University,
5267.14 Peking University, graduate degree— the audience instantly recognizes them. They say, « He must be very deep, »
5274.14 or « He must be very thoughtful. » That’s why I never mention my school. Because I know
5279.54 if I say my school on stage, the audience will just say, « Why is he talking about this? »
5285.84 « It’s just an ordinary bachelor’s degree. » Nothing special, neither here nor there. Same with my ranking and fame. You have no idea
5292.0 how many times in the past year when I went out with my famous friends, how many times
5297.58 people thought I was their manager. And how many times people mistook me for Li Xingliang.
5303.04 This really makes me feel bad. I am really…
5310.28 What did I do? What did I do wrong? Even a few days ago, I wrote a business script.
5316.06 I was very serious about it. I worked on it for a week before handing it to the client. Do you know what the client said? The client said, « We don’t want such an ordinary stand-up show. »
5323.8 They asked if I’d seen Fu Hang. Or if I’d seen Hulan. I was honestly a bit anxious at that moment.
5330.16 I said, « Bro, is this really about whether I’ve seen them or not? » The men’s soccer team plays like this, is it because they’ve never watched
5335.5 foreigners play soccer?
5342.76 Don’t they watch it every four years? So it’s not like they turn on the TV, see the World Cup,
5348.04 and suddenly have an epiphany, « Oh, you can play like this? » « You can actually kick the ball into the goal? »
5354.14 If anything, it’s the foreign teams watching China play, and thinking, « You can play like this? »
5359.18 It’s really frustrating. I said, « What’s wrong with being ordinary? » You know, every time I hear on stage
5365.1 the story of Tian Ji’s horse racing, I always deeply empathize with the average horse in the story.
5373.08 The middle-tier horses have it the worst. Every day, they’re anxious about being overtaken by the lower-tier horses at any moment,
5378.5 but also feel that with a bit more effort, they could become top-tier horses—a false hope. But neither group accepts you. The top-tier horses think you’re different,
5384.62 while the lower-tier horses think you’re just like them. So you end up with the most pressure. Think about it: When Tian Ji talks to the top-tier and lower-tier horses,
5390.46 he probably says the same thing to both. « Relax, » « Just go through the motions and treat it like a game. » But when it comes to the middle-tier horses, you really have to run your best.
5397.6 In our country of Qi, the overall environment— you’ve seen it yourself. If you don’t run, there are plenty of other horses eager to take your place. And then they’ll try to manipulate you mentally.
5403.26 Ever since my first year competing, our boss would always tell me before the show started, and say to me, « Do your best, »
5409.38 « You’re a dark horse in my eyes. » But later I realized, he said that to everyone. Turns out, our whole company is full of ‘dark horses.’
5417.82 And then you all saw it too these dozens of dark horses run like this every year Why Everyone always thinks if I work a bit harder
5423.3 I can cross classes and become a top horse But actually, truly crossing classes isn’t about becoming a top horse
5429.62 it’s about becoming Tian Ji, my friends Let me give a random example
5434.64 Has anyone watched « Qi Pa Shuo »? (Yes) I really love watching « Qi Pa Shuo » Every year, when it gets to the finals the trailer always says
5440.46 let’s look forward together to who will have the last laugh I say, who will have the last laugh
5446.26 Ma Dong Who will have the last laugh, right?
5452.04 He doesn’t just laugh at the end He laughs from start to finish He laughs from morning till night When he comes out at night it’s already dark
5457.42 So let’s hurry up and start « Wonderful Night of Joy »
5465.0 The truth of life is endless cycles. Whether you are a top, middle, or bottom horse, you’re just a chip on someone else’s table.
5470.36 What can you really change? You can only change your own mindset. I’m doing okay. Back when I was in school, I was just an average student in a regular class.
5475.96 But I had a really good attitude. One day, my deskmate broke down from studying. She cried. She said the students in the advanced class were the ones truly living life.
5482.68 Our futures are different. Our environments are different. Our destinies are different. We have nothing in common.
5488.96 I told her, we pay the same tuition. Right? It’s all about mindset. Futures, environments, destinies— to me, there’s only one thing:
5494.08 our parents are different. Are we not as good as those above us? It’s just that our ancestors weren’t as good.
5499.9 With my grades, I wouldn’t have gotten into college. Luckily, I met a really great homeroom teacher. After meeting him, I realized
5505.88 that even mentors come in levels: top mentors, middle mentors, and lower mentors. At the start of my second year in high school,
5511.18 he came to our class and said, when you add up the total scores, last year, our class was the lowest in the regular classes.
5516.98 But classmates, this is not a failure. It’s just that we’re not particularly good at calculating the total score.
5523.22 Everyone must, during this semester, find the subject they’re best at and focus on it intensely. Some students said,
5528.28 « Teacher, I don’t have anything I’m good at. » The homeroom teacher replied, « Child, it’s impossible for a person to have no strengths. » « Don’t worry, » « I’ll be here with you. »
5534.0 « If you’re not good at Chinese, try English. » « If English doesn’t work, try math. » « If none of those work, » « let’s try art. » Friends, it was then that I understood
5540.18 what ‘rigid trial education’ really means.
5545.68 Even that one sentence of his has benefited me to this day. You’re not a failure. You’re just not particularly good at it. We all have different things we’re good at.
5552.66 Even the finest horses have their shortcomings compared to lesser horses. We could compare our sleep with Musk,
5558.18 or our hearing with Beethoven. Your pain comes from always comparing yourself upwards. But why compare upwards? Let’s compare downwards.
5564.54 Once you start comparing downwards, you’ll realize you can’t always win by looking up, but looking down, you might feel amazing.
5572.38 Looking down, you might feel amazing. I’m not trying to tell everyone to just give up.
5578.64 I just think when the whole world is making things hard for you, you should be the first to let yourself off the hook. I often say to myself in the mirror, « Kid,
5584.98 the highest you might ever reach in this life is just being ordinary, unnoticed, just like everyone else,
5593.04 wearing Lululemon, this is the most you might ever achieve. »
5598.3 You have to go easy on yourself, because others won’t. They’ll even categorize your ordinariness, saying you can be ordinary,
5603.66 but you can’t be mediocre. Have you heard that saying? (I have.) You can be ordinary, but you can’t be mediocre. The first time I heard it,
5609.14 I was really angry. I thought, what’s the difference? Aren’t those just synonyms?
5614.8 If I’m already ordinary, why split it even further? Then I could say to rich people, « You can be wealthy, but you can’t be prosperous. »
5621.96 If you insist on being both wealthy and prosperous, then could you while being both wealthy and prosperous,
5627.1 also be my father? »
5632.92 I’m not one to compete stubbornly. A lot of my friends do, though. They grit their teeth and push through.
5638.22 « Thirty years on the east bank, thirty years on the west bank. » I don’t really understand this saying. Look, we subconsciously think the west bank is better.
5646.54 But when you actually get to the west bank, you might realize the housing prices there are twice as high as on the east bank.
5651.72 You’ll also find that the west bank is divided into outer ring, middle ring, and inner ring. I never wanted to live thirty years on the east bank
5657.4 and thirty years on the west bank. I want a life like thirty years as Ma Dong, thirty years as Jack Ma.
5664.64 Give me that kind of life. But if it’s not in my fate, then it’s just not. Do you think I never thought about it? Of course I have.
5670.82 The first year I entered a competition, I wanted to blow everyone away and win first place. To stand out from the crowd. To be « above others. »
5676.22 That day, I was fired up just thinking about it. I wanted to carve into my desk « Reject mediocrity. »
5682.62 But as I was carving, I realized I didn’t know how to write « mediocrity. » So I immediately accepted myself as I am.
5688.12 When I looked at my desk, it said « Reject plainness » instead. I thought, compared to mediocrity, I seem to be naturally better at being ordinary.
5694.58 That’s all, thank you all. Thank you.
5703.8 Cool. Kid ticket lock countdown.
5711.88 Let’s give another round of applause to Kid. He mentioned the theory of the average horse.
5719.54 It’s actually quite interesting. Yes. But you still didn’t press the light. That’s right. It’s just that Kid is definitely
5725.08 giving one of his better performances today. And then, Have you really made peace with yourself? Have you really let it go?
5730.38 Or is it just for the show? I don’t think this is just for the show. This is just my current situation.
5735.8 No one doesn’t want to be better. I feel like I rarely press the light for you. We’ve had so many seasons together. Yes. But actually,
5741.2 I think you have a lot of talent. I’m not just saying that. I really like you. I’m looking forward to it. Really looking forward to it. Thank you, Teacher Luo.
5746.98 Thank you. I think Kid since the last presentation,
5752.0 has already transformed. I think after that he has always been really good. Including this piece. I personally like it a lot.
5758.28 But I just feel there’s a slight flaw. It’s that some of the jokes aren’t particularly new. Or they’re within my expectations.
5764.7 Actually, for me, because I this is also a script I wrote in the past ten days.
5770.08 And coming to record the show this year, what I really want to achieve
5775.34 is to make the content more functional. Because maybe a lot of people watching through the screen
5780.4 our show have already had a long day. I think our stand-up needs to serve as
5786.54 a kind of « digital pickle » function. Last year, I kept talking about my own stories. There are still many pains I haven’t shared.
5792.94 But I feel maybe this year I don’t want to focus so much on myself.
5798.94 I want to think about what people might like to hear lately, or what they want to hear, and what I want to say,
5805.04 and find a balance between them. Find that balance. I just wrote this article. Really. I have to say, I really like it.
5811.44 I think the examples are brilliant. That pun, that part, can comfort a lot of people. Right?
5816.54 At that moment, I felt like I understood something inside. And that point he made was especially good. Like comparing hearing with Beethoven.
5823.2 Because Beethoven couldn’t speak either. He wouldn’t call himself a thoroughbred. Because he couldn’t speak Chinese. But the main point is,
5828.28 it doesn’t matter, even if you say it, he can’t hear you. It’s fine. Right? Maybe. Really.
5833.88 He can’t hear it either. I want to grab fate by the throat. But I think this is a kind of relief.
5840.34 Because everyone is a top-class horse. How anxious they must be. And I don’t know. This « top-class » status, many times,
5846.08 is just an illusion, right? Because I’ve seen many so-called top people. They’re not standing at the top. They’re nailed to the top. Do you understand?
5851.38 Yes. It hurts them a lot. And actually, being in the middle or lower class sounds a bit unpleasant.
5856.8 But they have their own freedom. They have their own liberty. Actually, then I think that’s also a kind of scenery.
5862.28 I think it’s pretty good this way. Thank you. I think he helped me solve a problem I’m currently facing.
5868.4 Well, I guess you could call it a problem. Especially when I first came in the first round, I had a really big concern. I actually told the production team about it many times.
5875.4 Among all the members of this comedy group, I felt that my professional knowledge of stand-up comedy
5881.54 was not as good as the other mentors’. So I was really anxious about it. I completely disagree. Your sense for stand-up comedy
5887.7 is actually really good. You just haven’t heard a few stand-up comedy terms, that’s all. Mr. Luo, what I just said
5893.44 was actually just to set the stage for myself.
5898.48 That was funny. Very good. I was wrong. Now I’m going to change direction.
5903.98 Okay. Go ahead and deliver the punchline. After listening to Kid talk about this part,
5909.68 I actually feel liberated. I actually don’t need to be the top performer in this comedy group. I’ll just be a wild horse.
5916.74 I’ll just go with my own feelings. It’s fine to stay on my own freestyle track. A wild horse is great.
5922.44 Let it run free. Being a wild horse is the happiest. Let’s give a round of applause to Kid. Thank you. Let’s take a look at Kid.
5930.2 He has 30 votes now. Is he going to face a challenge?
5945.4 This is the last contestant from the Shield team. That’s right. There are still three contestants in the Spear team. They are Axiu, Bu Jingyun, and Xiao Siye.
5953.6 So, is there anyone who wants to challenge Kid for the mic? Countdown starts now.
5967.2 Stand up. I’m standing. Stand up. Little Fourth says he thinks he can win. Stand up. Everyone just stand up.
5975.2 Little Fourth. Because he’s already a mid-level horse.
5980.24 But I’m still a newcomer. I’m still a low-level horse. No. You’re a dark horse, right? Come on, let’s compete.
5986.48 Come on, Kid, take a little break. Let’s race. Go, Little Fourth!
5991.5 Go for it! The next performer to take the stage
5996.54 made it through the last round and squeezed into the poverty track. Today, he will continue to share with everyone
6003.38 what it feels like to be poor. Let’s welcome Little Fourth with applause.
6013.08 Thank you. Hello, everyone. I’m Little Fourth. Did you all just notice
6018.96 that when the performers come on stage, they always greet the friends on the second floor? Actually, it’s on purpose.
6025.52 If it weren’t for the fact that you can vote, no one would care about you.
6042.04 But I care. Hello, everyone. Thank you.
6049.2 Of course, I hope you all are well too. Just kidding, back to myself.
6054.38 Actually, before I started doing stand-up, I used to check tickets at the entrance of a small theater.
6060.2 But the salary for a ticket checker is very low. How low, you ask? Once, my dad asked me how much I earned.
6065.76 After I told him, he tried to comfort me and said, He said, « It’s okay. » « Other people in Shanghai are enjoying all the good food, » « You should… »
6071.38 « You should at least be able to smell it, right? » « It’s okay. » « They’re just smelling it before you do. »
6077.5 « After all, there’s an order to who gets to smell it first. »
6083.22 I’m broke at the end of every month. But some people are broke because they choose to be.
6088.46 They earn a lot and spend a lot. But people like me, who earn little, are broke passively.
6094.44 It’s not like I want to be broke. But Shanghai doesn’t agree. They say I’m broke,
6099.88 but actually my money never lasts a full 31 days. For my money,
6106.46 every month feels like a leap month. To save money, I basically skip breakfast.
6113.06 I only eat two meals a day. Even though I live in China’s most prosperous city, I always feel like
6118.96 I’m staying in a cheap hotel. The kind that doesn’t include breakfast.
6126.86 I can’t even bear to spend small amounts. Often, when I leave the subway and see it’s raining, there are people selling umbrellas nearby.
6132.12 But I can’t bring myself to buy one. So I just wait for the rain to stop.
6137.26 But it just keeps raining harder. I even talk to the rain, saying I liked you better when you were small.
6148.16 How did you get so big in the blink of an eye? You used to just sprinkle on me when you were little.
6160.58 I’m already so broke, what makes me angry is there are still people trying to make me spend more.
6166.5 The rent for my previous apartment went up, so I have to look for a new place. The agent told me, he said, actually, you might as well pay a bit more
6172.36 and rent the one next door with a balcony. But I was too embarrassed to say directly that I don’t have money. So I said,
6178.64 I want a balcony, but it’s useless,
6183.84 I don’t want to jump off it yet.
6190.1 He wouldn’t give up, and kept persuading me, saying a balcony is convenient for drying things. I said, no need,
6196.08 what do I even need to dry? I can just post on my social media.
6202.0 To prove the apartment isn’t expensive, he tried to convince me, saying it doesn’t actually cost much more. On average, it’s just the price of one meal a day.
6216.1 I said, I’ll go home and think about it. The agent said, what’s there to think about?
6222.76 I said, I’m thinking about which meal to skip. I’ve also run into insurance salespeople. They called me,
6228.6 trying to get me to buy insurance. They said it’s just the price of one meal a day.
6235.56 But I don’t even have one meal a day. I asked, what kind of insurance is this? He said, accident insurance.
6241.38 I asked, does starving to death count as an accident? He said, no, it doesn’t. I thought to myself, yeah, it really doesn’t.
6247.02 If I skip that many meals, starving to death would be expected, not an accident.
6256.34 Have you noticed that all these sales pitches are pretty much the same? I even ran into one at the subway entrance who was trying to sell me a gym membership.
6261.58 He kept pestering me, saying « Bro, we have a promotion, it’s not expensive. » « For us guys, » « it’s just the price of a pack of cigarettes a day. »
6268.46 I said, « I don’t smoke. » He said, « Then it’s just the price of a cup of milk tea. »
6273.9 I said, « I don’t drink milk tea either. » He said, « Well, you eat, right? »
6280.76 « It’s just the price of a meal. » I really hate that line. I said, « Do you know how many meals I eat a day? »
6289.6 How many meals?
6295.42 Do you know that before you, two other salespeople already took away my meals? If you take away one more meal,
6302.16 am I supposed to owe you a meal now?
6310.36 Do you want me to go out and beg for a meal for you?
6316.58 If I listened to all you salespeople, I’d end up with a balcony, insurance,
6323.0 and never eating. (Gym) And still going to the gym,
6331.28 doing cardio on an empty stomach.
6339.1 As soon as I get on the treadmill, I can’t run anymore. The coach says, « You didn’t eat, did you? »
6347.58 I said, « That’s right. » Wasn’t it you at the subway entrance who told me to eat less?
6358.92 Still doing cardio on an empty stomach If I keep staying hungry Will cardio even work for me anymore? Even oxygen is useless to me now
6368.3 The only use oxygen has for me is to help burn
6378.94 so I burn faster than others during cremation Definitely faster than others
6384.08 Because I’ve already burned fat in the gym
6391.74 Whoever rents my place after me will definitely be happy The rent will definitely be cheaper
6400.86 Great A haunted house And among haunted houses
6406.4 it’s the most popular type I’m a starving ghost
6413.64 Who’s afraid of a starving ghost?
6422.52 A starving ghost sounds so weak Just wave some bread and you’ll distract him
6431.4 Go eat, you I think these salespeople
6437.94 have a double standard when it comes to money Because when they want us to spend more money they act like they don’t care at all, right?
6443.1 “It’s just one meal a day” But when we try to bargain with them they suddenly care a lot about money and become so stingy, right?
6448.82 They say not a single cent less If it’s any less I’ll be losing money
6454.28 How much can a salesperson really lose? At most, just the cost of one meal a day
6463.38 You don’t care, do you? Anyway, I won’t listen to them. And I definitely won’t eat less.
6469.4 Whenever I have money, I eat. Of course.
6475.12 If any of my friends work in sales, please don’t think I have any prejudice against the sales profession.
6480.6 Because I used to work in sales too. But I never said I only had one meal a day.
6487.16 Because I’ve been through tough times.
6494.64 I used to hate that saying. It was because life was really hard. Now that I can afford to eat, I don’t dislike it as much.
6500.6 Now I even welcome my friends in sales to recommend houses with balconies to me.
6506.8 After all, I’m on a show now. There are more things I need to air out.
6512.84 Alright, that’s all for today. Thank you, everyone.
6521.26 That was amazing. Countdown to Xiao Siye’s ticket lock.
6531.1 A round of applause He’s amazing How is he so good?
6536.8 A masterclass So impressive Everyone here Have you noticed I think a lot of actors
6542.76 might be intimidated by your silence in the front But Xiao Siye still
6549.4 kept his calm pace stayed in his own rhythm Really And it was just one meal
6555.44 Seriously And that line was especially catchy Just the cost of a meal
6561.8 I also want to mention his tone It’s really stuck in my head The more he said, the longer it got It sounded more and more like he was acting cute
6567.0 Yeah Why is it just the cost of a meal? And he was holding a shabby meal.
6574.24 Kept turning it over and over. Yeah, just that one line. I was counting in my head. Five, six, seven, eight times.
6579.44 Counting. I was already losing track. And he could still bring it back in the end. It was really a show of skill.
6586.1 How did he even come up with that? It was just about the cost of a meal. Just this little thing. And I even think Guangzhi
6592.16 was lucky to change his style. Otherwise, he couldn’t hold his ground in the « poor guy » lane. He couldn’t beat him.
6598.2 He’s too fierce. No. But in the « poor guy » lane, there’s a new member, Gao Han.
6606.4 Gao Han is just pretending to be poor. No. Gao Han is a fallen phoenix. I’m much richer than both of them.
6611.9 See? Gao Han, what do you think of Xiao Siye’s performance? I’m scared.
6617.9 Last time I competed with him, and then we did a post-interview. I asked him how many scripts like that he had left. He said he had a main act.
6624.66 I said, then from now on, I won’t compete with you anymore. Xiao Siye, let me ask you, after doing stand-up comedy,
6630.66 has your life changed? Now I live in a 40-square-meter rental.
6637.46 It used to be also a large studio. A large studio. Ten square meters.
6643.26 And there’s another piece of news, Da Laoshi. After he got some money, one of his expenses
6648.78 was going to your concert. No.
6654.76 It was Da Laoshi who was generous. He invited me to go. That’s right. Thank you. I just heard this was your first time attending a concert.
6661.64 Yes. It really was my first time in my life. So I’m very grateful to you. Normally, this isn’t within my spending range. Don’t say that.
6667.06 It wasn’t that expensive. But the main thing is that you enjoyed it. Did you have a good time? I had a great time.
6672.16 It was way more exciting than a stand-up show.
6678.26 The first time I waved my lightstick was because I thought Xiao Siye was amazing. As soon as he came on stage, he challenged everyone with a different approach.
6684.46 He said, « Friends on the second floor, » Offend the audience first Because at the very beginning what made me fall in love with stand-up comedy was
6690.34 when I watched those foreign shows I thought, « You can talk to the audience like this? » Because they have confidence First, I offend you
6695.86 and then make you love me later Not really Yeah That instantly reminded me
6702.04 of the moment I first fell in love with it the thing that made me like this Because no one ever told me growing up that you could talk like this At that moment, I just had to hit the light
6708.1 It instantly reminded me of when I first saw the charm of this art Yes And today, at the live show we also have Xie Haihan, the manager of Sixiao Comedy
6715.98 because Xiao Siye performs at their club How would you evaluate Xiao Siye’s performance today?
6723.96 Before he went on stage I was extremely nervous Old Wang next to me kept telling me to laugh
6729.4 But I was nervous the whole time I was nervous for him I actually couldn’t really laugh But after it ended
6734.64 I think he pulled it off The label he had before was « the hope of the whole village » And I think in these two shows
6740.94 he really lived up to it He has another point. It left a deep impression on me.
6746.64 It’s what he said, when the rain was light. Rain, I still liked you when you were small.
6752.52 You even drenched me before. Everything he says feels so unexpected. You only know there will be a twist.
6758.38 But you never know what it will be. That’s the genius part. And it’s really hard to come up with this stuff. Why would someone think like that? Impressive.
6763.46 Really amazing. Xiao Siye, I want to say something to you. Next time, if you run into rain, don’t worry at all.
6769.48 No need to be anxious. Just open Meituan and use Flash Sale. In thirty minutes, an umbrella will be delivered right to you.
6774.78 Remember this: Meituan Flash Sale is your timely rain, and also your umbrella of protection. Thank you.
6781.44 Now, the second round is full of surprises. Let’s give another round of applause to Xiao Siye. Thank you.
6787.16 At the same time, Kid returns to the stage.
6794.88 Let’s take a look at the total number of votes.
6803.46 Affirming Xiao Siye. 265 275 285
6816.52 Both of them have high scores. Kid They are evenly matched.
6821.96 Both are very high. Xiao Siye, 276 votes Advances to the next round.
6827.16 Kid, 260 votes Also has a high number of votes. Take a short break.
6833.56 What makes Xiao Si Ye so impressive is he’s just so unique. I think for the next ten or twenty years,
6839.52 no one else will have his style. Also, Xiao Si Ye is actually a pretty aggressive performer.
6847.46 Like today, the first thing he said on stage was, « Audience on the second floor, no one actually cares about you. » That was pretty cool. I really liked that.
6852.78 I especially liked that. I think he’s so real. So genuine. He very sharply
6857.96 noticed something. Because we didn’t have a second floor before. It’s just a simple truth.
6863.62 A « simple truth » kind of comedy technique. It’s like saying, « The emperor seems to have no clothes. » Just like that little kid.
6869.28 A lot of what comedians do is just say the truth out loud. And then everyone laughs. I think he has
6875.08 an incredible ability to get into your head. For the next few days, you might keep repeating what he said. It’s just the cost of one meal.
6881.98 I don’t know if that’s accurate. Do you want to know how many meals I eat a day? Do you know how many meals I eat a day?
6889.56 I only eat one meal a day. I only eat a few meals a day.
6895.12 It’s just the price of one meal. Xiao Si Ye is just so talented. Do you know how many meals I eat a day?
6903.62 That’s enough. That’s enough. You’ve lost to your opponent twice in a row.
6911.06 Does it make you a little sad? Honestly, if you say you’re not sad,
6916.28 that’s not true. But in this competition,
6923.86 the number of votes says it all. It shows that your writing still isn’t good enough. But at the very least,
6929.08 I expressed what I wanted to say. I just hope that many friends when they open this video, can feel
6935.86 that there’s someone in this world just like me, who is in the same predicament. And maybe, after a laugh, they’ll get through it.
6941.66 I think happiness is aiming lower and being content with what you get. According to the current rules, since all the actors in our Shield camp
6948.08 have finished their performances, we will officially begin
6953.2 the open ranking competition. There are 30 spots to advance in this round. Currently, 22 people are in the advancement zone.
6959.72 There are 8 spots left. The contestants in the open ranking competition will compete with the current pending zone
6966.08 and the contestant ranked eighth in votes, Seven. Now, the next contestant about to take the stage
6973.46 is someone I really, really like. In the first round, they also left a deep impression on everyone.
6979.16 A small frame, but great energy. Let’s give a warm round of applause to Axiu.
6991.74 Hello to everyone on the second floor Hello to everyone on the first floor Thank you all for your hard work
6997.48 Thank you Thank you, everyone My name is Axiu I have a very stubborn personality So you can call me « Stubborn Xiu »
7003.78 (Stubborn Xiu) That’s right The only « anime fan » here tonight
7009.52 The way I’m stubborn is I insist on being a free-to-play gamer online « Free-to-play » means
7015.82 absolutely not spending any money Pocket money
7021.14 I wasn’t like this before. It was once when I tried to watch a Detective Conan movie. It actually required a membership.
7027.54 Guys, these glasses of mine, this hairstyle, this height, Conan, let me tell you,
7034.5 I was watching my own character, and they still wanted me to be a VIP member. I won’t pay.
7039.98 There’s no way I’ll subscribe. So I decided to borrow one. I borrowed an account from a friend. I was watching,
7045.44 when he suddenly messaged me. He said he couldn’t log in. He asked, « What on earth did you watch? »
7051.08 That’s when I realized that platform has a rule. Regular members can’t log in on two devices at the same time.
7058.04 His account got frozen. I had to pay him thirty yuan. Thirty yuan. That’s two meals for me.
7069.42 From then on, I swore I would never spend money on a membership again.
7075.52 Later, I watched a show It was also a detective show. But it wasn’t like Conan.
7081.8 It was Conan Nan. I really liked it. But I didn’t have money for a membership at the time.
7087.44 I specifically compared it. Back then, all the platforms If you didn’t have a membership, you could wait a week to watch,
7093.4 or watch five minutes of ads. No problem. I didn’t have a job.
7099.16 I had plenty of time. All I had was time. Wait a week? No problem. I could wait a month.
7105.64 But that platform didn’t give me any chance.
7110.7 It loved its members too much. It made me, for the first time in my life, see something like this:
7116.04 Episodes 1 and 2 were free, episodes 5, 6, 7, and 8 were free, but episodes 3 and 4 were VIP only.
7124.86 I was like, what? That’s not a series.
7133.6 I just watched episodes one and two normally. I thought it was really good. Then I clicked on episode three, and there was no video.
7139.54 A QR code popped up right away. I thought it was an ad. I watched for five minutes.
7145.8 Then I realized it was asking me for money. I thought, if you’re going to do this, fine. I won’t watch episodes three and four.
7152.0 Seriously, I won’t watch them. If you want money, I won’t watch. Episode five is free. I’ll watch episode five. Isn’t this a detective show?
7158.34 I can do some detective work too.
7164.46 Then, I clicked on episode five. Ready to start my own investigation.
7169.8 Keeping up with the pace. As soon as episode five started, there was a girl about to jump off a building.
7175.44 I had never seen her before.
7182.8 This is really tricky. You don’t know why. It’s just an unfamiliar face.
7188.74 Really, I’m not lying to you. As soon as I started episode five, the girl was wearing a white dress standing on the rooftop, getting ready to city jump.
7197.82 She was about to jump. At that moment, the camera started to move down. There were more than twenty people standing downstairs.
7203.68 Not a single person tried to save her. I was like, what are they doing? Even I wanted to save her. I wanted to jump into the screen and save her.
7210.24 And then ask her what happened in episodes three and four.
7215.96 I was actually getting a bit angry at that moment. But while I had the anger, I really didn’t have the money.
7221.8 So I looked for other things to deduce from. I realized I couldn’t watch the full episodes three and four.
7227.62 But I could watch the trailer. The trailer was 30 seconds long.
7233.66 I thought, no problem. Thirty seconds is enough for me to figure things out. I clicked on it. It said 30 seconds.
7238.68 But no. When I opened the trailer, there wasn’t even a second of footage. I watched for 30 seconds.
7244.38 Bullet comments. The whole screen was packed with dense bullet comments. All saying the same thing.
7251.38 Poverty brought us together.
7261.4 Even to this day, I still have a bit of an allergy to it. I can’t stand hearing the word « membership. »
7267.7 One day, I was watching a TV commercial, and it mentioned « membership juice. » I thought, that’s not right.
7274.6 Membership never gave me any good fruit to eat. I just want to find a free membership.
7279.82 Why can’t we offer some free memberships? Let’s learn from reading apps. The mechanism of reading apps—
7284.96 do you know what it is? No one has read books? Okay. It’s like this:
7291.06 If you read for 21 days in a row, they give you a membership. Isn’t that great, friends?
7296.98 It’s very user-friendly. Because it really tests your willpower. For people like us who never spend money on games, all we have is time.
7303.22 If I can’t get the membership, I won’t hate you. I’ll only blame myself. But honestly,
7308.32 if you manage to read for 21 days straight, you’ll succeed at anything you do. You don’t even need the money.
7315.72 Take someone like me, for example. I checked the other day, I’ve been registered for 1,300 days, but only read for 70 minutes.
7322.62 I only read three seconds a day. It’s a whole new genre. Just look at the cover.
7328.38 No need to read the content. Because I can deduce it. I know there’s no twist in my script.
7334.54 No comeback either. Even you watching this, need a membership just to see me complain about memberships.
7343.04 That’s true. I even think it could be harsher.
7348.94 You could air it like this. The performer before me, their bit is for VIP members. The performer after me, their bit is for VIP members.
7356.02 My segment is free. If you don’t get a membership,
7361.28 you can only watch my pure version. Great, that’s a message for everyone.
7366.34 Poverty brought us together. But we are not alone. Thank you, everyone. I’m Axiu.
7381.26 Axiu’s ticket lock countdown starts now.
7389.92 Thank you. I really relate to this.
7395.22 You don’t buy memberships either? I did. I bought three months. Then I watched what I wanted to see.
7400.96 And then I canceled it. But there’s something I relate to even more. She didn’t mention it.
7407.56 I believe a lot of viewers probably feel the same way. Have you ever tried to get a membership
7413.66 and found it easy to pay, but once you want to cancel, Yeah.
7418.82 you don’t know where to do it. It’s really hard. You can’t find the option. So much so that I still have
7424.48 not found a way to cancel it haven’t found it Yeah
7430.34 I hesitated a little just now but I still recorded it But what I mean is I originally thought I might not be able to empathize but she’s really interesting
7436.58 just this one thing If this story isn’t told well she could actually come off as pretentious but she told it in a really charming way she told it in a really charming way
7442.88 and sincerely and she doesn’t seem pitiful that’s the most precious part About that comment you mentioned
7448.24 is that true It was poverty that brought us together here. That’s true. Then I borrowed another membership at that time. I clicked into the VIP section back then.
7454.44 It said it was wealth that brought us together. And you know, Sometimes I get stubborn about it.
7460.28 I just watch the ads. I watch them all the way through. I let them play but I don’t actually watch. I just wait for them to finish. Then I watch the main content.
7466.1 If I can wait, I always will. I could even wait for you for a month. I think her performance today
7471.44 was actually very aggressive. But it sounded really interesting. Cute. And I also hope
7477.02 because I was hesitant with my final vote, but I just feel if she has this kind of intelligence and these kinds of insights, I hope to see more of her work.
7483.02 That’s how it is. Thank you. Because we’ve reached the overall ranking round,
7488.22 each performer will have their score revealed immediately after their performance. We will check their score right away.
7494.84 Now, let me tell everyone the reference score for Axiu. Seven’s score is 242 votes.
7503.32 So if Axiu can reach 242 votes, Seven, you will have to move from the second floor back to the first floor.
7511.12 But if Axiu doesn’t reach 242 votes, Seven will keep that spot.
7518.12 Now, let’s take a look at the number of votes Axiu received.
7534.56 I didn’t expect it to be only 206. I didn’t expect it either. Unfortunately, Axiu did not reach 242.
7540.62 So Axiu, please return to the waiting area for now.
7548.28 Axiu has been by my side the whole time. She’s really anxious. Axiu keeps saying, « I’m so nervous. » I went crazy as soon as I got on stage.
7555.42 Yours was good too. Don’t worry. I’m doomed. You’ll be even more explosive. Keep a positive mindset.
7561.08 You’ll be even more explosive. Axiu, you’ll be even more explosive. Relax, have faith. You’ll be even more explosive. Her skills and techniques are really
7567.3 natural and effortless. She has her own unique I find her rhythm really interesting.
7573.56 And when she’s on stage, she’s so at ease. That cuteness is really special.
7579.02 Axiu is just too cute. How is Axiu so cute? Axiu is the one, offline, when I tell all sorts of lame jokes,
7584.82 who laughs the hardest. I really look forward to Axiu having her own show in the future. I think being able to hear
7590.04 something really cool, really stylish, this kind of life observation, I’m really looking forward to it.
7595.28 For now, Seven has secured her spot. Let’s keep enduring and being anxious, okay? Because up next,
7601.44 is our old friend. She’s always had a strong presence. Dominance is her trademark.
7607.44 Let’s give a round of applause for Bu Jingyun.
7615.38 Sister Bu
7621.08 Hello everyone I’m Bu Jingyun Hello Thanks for your hard work
7626.96 I really dislike some sayings Like « women are like wolves at thirty and tigers at forty »
7632.74 I’m 35 this year Like a wolf or a tiger If that’s really the case
7638.88 Then today I’ll talk about Saying things like a tiger or a wolf is normal too To be honest
7644.98 I’m not here to perform today I’m here to confess Some time ago
7650.5 I cheated In a dream Look how scared you all are
7657.5 You don’t even dare to breathe It’s like I was about to say I « killed someone » And you all would understand
7662.78 Some might even think « killing someone » is normal I don’t know why I had that kind of dream I watched a movie that day
7668.88 And dreamed about him that night But I’m afraid saying it out loud would be bad for him But I’m afraid saying it out loud would be bad for him After all, this kind of dream It’s not like he chose to be in it
7677.14 Let’s just call him Yan.
7683.02 What? When I woke up, I was relieved it was just a dream.
7688.34 I thought, we’re already married. Then I started to feel guilty. Why did I wake up so early?
7694.92 But that dream felt so real. So real that my first reaction upon waking was guilt.
7699.94 But when I turned my head, my husband was next to me, snoring with his mouth open. My guilt instantly turned into anger.
7706.52 I pushed him awake. He asked, « What’s wrong? » « Is something up? » I said, « It’s urgent. »
7711.68 « Get up, quick. » « Go work out. » I had that kind of dream and then started resenting him.
7717.54 Does this count as emotional cheating? So I searched online. « Cheating. » A bunch of public accounts popped up.
7723.42 They analyzed many reasons why men and women cheat. The articles said when men are successful in their careers,
7729.18 they’re more likely to cheat when they’re riding high. They’re also likely to cheat when they’re feeling down and vulnerable.
7735.28 In short, men are prone to cheating.
7745.22 Of course, the articles also said it’s wrong for women to cheat too. But after analyzing all the reasons behind why women cheat, they added one word:
7751.38 « Not following the way of women. » What is the « way of women » anyway? I have no idea.
7763.68 I feel like I can’t go down this path either. Because temptation is really hard to resist.
7768.78 Even just a dream, I keep thinking about it over and over. For those two days, I kept wanting to have that kind of dream.
7775.02 Thinking about it so much, I started to feel it was wrong. So for those two days, I drank coffee like crazy. I tried my best not to sleep.
7781.78 I tried to avoid seeing Yan as much as possible.
7787.52 But you guys have no idea how unforgettable Yan is.
7792.72 That dream happened a long time ago. But I still remember it vividly. In the dream, he was wearing a white shirt with the buttons undone.
7801.42 He held my hand and said affectionately, Yun, actually,
7807.08 I like you. I said, Yan, no,
7812.12 I still have to be faithful as a wife. He wouldn’t listen.
7819.48 He confessed his feelings to me passionately. The atmosphere was just right. Even in the dream, I started making excuses for myself.
7825.18 I said, I can’t be blamed for this. He was already acting like that. It would be rude for me to refuse again.
7831.84 Besides, that dull man at home can’t compare to these men outside.
7842.52 Maybe I’ll just take a look at those abs first. After all, this thing I’ve only secretly scrolled through on my phone before.
7847.6 Hey, Yan, come over here.
7855.74 I woke up. I woke up right when I dreamed about this. I really woke up at just the right moment.
7861.64 I was so annoyed, I quickly lay back down. I wanted to get some more sleep. I said, Yan, don’t rush off just yet.
7867.1 I was too excited. No matter what, I just couldn’t fall back asleep. Lying in bed, I started reflecting on myself.
7872.5 Yes, I admit it. I’m a very lustful person. But don’t worry, everyone. A woman confessing these things
7878.44 won’t do any harm to the world. No matter how lustful I am, it won’t cause panic among men.
7891.4 I could secretly take photos under the boys’ bathroom. Okay.
7898.66 Go to the balcony and steal men’s worn-out underwear.
7904.7 I like guys with good bodies. I would follow and ambush those men who go jogging at night. Everyone in the night jogging group
7910.12 would be frantically forwarding my photos. Saying, « Everyone, watch out for this woman. » « Don’t wear those tight tank tops when you go out lately. »
7917.56 « Guys, try to go out together at night. » That wouldn’t happen. Men wouldn’t get scared because of me
7923.96 and buy a few pairs of high heels to put by the door.
7930.46 Okay. Completely harmless. I can’t even
7936.02 see a handsome guy on the street and just go up and verbally harass him. If he dares to talk back, I’d beat him up right there on the street.
7941.96 And then just say I’m mentally ill, that’s all.
7950.02 I know. A woman saying all this on stage already looks like she’s crazy.
7955.84 I get it. Because the way we were raised makes these things very implicit. Since I was little, I was taught that the most important thing for a woman
7961.76 is her reputation and chastity. The first time I heard my grandma say the word « chastity, » I was totally confused. I asked, « What kind of exercise is that? »
7970.7 I even thought women had to do two sets of exercises every day: chastity exercises and eye exercises.
7984.86 I realized after growing up there really is a difference. Eye exercises are actually more useful. (Right.)
7994.16 Actually, I’ve wanted to admit on stage for a long time that I’m a bit lustful. I think women feel way too much shame about their desires.
8000.0 I want to talk about it until it becomes desensitized. Until one day, when you hear some rumor or gossip about a woman, your first reaction isn’t to find out the truth,
8006.96 but to show understanding and say, « She’s a woman, after all. »
8014.28 That’s totally fine. Absolutely fine.
8023.96 A couple of days ago, I watched a documentary. A very young girl jumped off a building after being slandered with obscene rumors.
8039.1 Every time I see news like this, I feel really upset. It’s way too easy to spread obscene rumors.
8044.66 If only it were that easy for the person being slandered. It’s already 2025 now. Robots can even go to space.
8051.36 Yet people are still losing their lives over the word « chastity. » It’s so surreal. I can almost see robots going to space with bound feet.
8069.12 If anyone still asks now do you know what is most important for a girl? It’s to be alive.
8075.7 When the word « chastity » becomes something in history textbooks and is put in a museum displayed alongside old murder weapons
8081.2 like the Green Dragon Sword, Crescent Blade, and chastity kids passing by will ask
8087.12 what is chastity? Why is there nothing there? You’d say that’s right because it never meant anything to begin with.
8092.76 Thank you all. I’m Bu Jingyun, thank you everyone.
8103.02 Sister Bu
8108.3 (Sister Bu is so cool) (So awesome)
8113.5 Bu Jingyun ticket lock countdown
8121.18 Okay
8126.4 Double pressure It’s both the pressure of the competition and also the long wait for our turn in the competition
8133.76 As the last performer being able to perform in such a good state for all of us
8139.32 in « Stand-up Comedy and Friends » in the second round brings a perfect ending Once again, thank you to Bu Jingyun Thank you, everyone
8146.3 I actually teared up a little Thank you
8153.3 Because for me this might already be the most intense emotional expression I can show in public I’m just not someone who can easily
8159.26 in front of many people completely let out my emotions For me, this is already the pinnacle.
8165.92 She truly moved me deeply. I’m so happy to see Bu Jingyun.
8172.26 On this stage. You’ve been constantly transforming. You’ve grown into this.
8178.62 Such a wonderful version of yourself. I feel so happy for you. Truly.
8183.68 Thank you. There were so many moments just now.
8188.96 I just saw Shan He. She was wiping away tears over there too.
8195.8 I think after seeing this, all the girls will feel both touched with sadness and warmth
8201.54 and also inspired. I think it’s amazing. So thank you. Thank you to all the girls.
8218.2 (Amazing)
8223.981 Very moving From the first half, I was laughing the whole time
8229.441 Then in the second half, I believe my feelings and Lu Yu’s are quite similar Of course, I pressed the light pretty early
8236.941 During this process I kept feeling like I didn’t have enough lights I wanted a few more lights
8242.441 Because there were so many moments I wanted to press for Very excited The whole act made me
8247.68 feel fired up That is, this year
8255.96 this particular show No, I won’t cry I’m not that type Yeah I’m just a bit excited
8263.02 Today, after so many years of recording this single show I saw many familiar old contestants
8269.34 who have truly transformed and taken one, two, even three steps up This kind of transformation is the most I’ve ever seen in a single show
8275.481 So many that I can hardly believe it Today feels like a dream Actually, last year, Bu Jingyun already felt like she had transformed
8281.38 I didn’t expect that in just one year on top of the transformation we had before, we’ve climbed another three or four steps.
8287.16 So today, I’m really, really surprised. And there’s something I especially want to say. In recent years, on our stage,
8293.441 there have been more and more female contestants. So works from a feminist perspective have also become more and more common. There are so many now, it’s a bit like back when
8299.92 for example, the « poor guy » theme or wives making fun of their husbands, or husbands making fun of their wives,
8305.34 those topics were already overused. Feminism was missing in previous years, but it’s become especially common in recent years.
8311.42 But she has completely found a particularly fresh and groundbreaking angle.
8316.441 She satirized this issue from beginning to end. But it’s really just I don’t even know how
8321.981 all of us wanted to clap until our hands went numb. It was truly, truly excellent. Thank you, Teacher Luo. I’d like to add something. I completely agree with what Teacher Luo said.
8328.64 But I want to say since women make up half of humanity, the female perspective is actually the human perspective.
8341.88 She’s the spear, right? That last line hit all the key points. In that moment, my mind just popped.
8348.1 It was beautiful. Yeah, sometimes it just feels like all these years, some things—what are they really? They’re nothing at all.
8353.56 That moment just felt so powerful. Because what I’ve been seeking for years
8358.821 is simply to be happy. But then, to experience this kind of impact right now, I’m grateful for your performance.
8364.04 And I’m thankful that life brought me here. To see your performance. Thank you.
8369.14 Thank you to all four judges. Every time, when a great stand-up comedian
8375.34 delivers an excellent performance, we always discuss each one. I really like the theme of this round.
8381.92 It’s « spear and shield. » Is stand-up comedy a sharp angle, a right angle, or an obtuse angle?
8387.12 Actually, the angle doesn’t matter. From any angle, you can find its scope.
8394.48 And the people it touches. And the depth of that impact. Once again, thank you to Bu Jingyun for bringing us
8400.18 such a wonderful performance.
8405.22 Now, let’s take a look at the final score Bu Jingyun received.
8412.6 Seven, I have a feeling please get ready to go downstairs.
8431.88 Impressive. Let’s give a round of applause to Bu Jingyun. I didn’t expect the last contestant to advance directly again.
8440.32 That’s great, sis! Very good.
8445.94 So cool. Bu Jingyun best represents the spear. She is someone who pierces through all realities.
8452.24 She speaks all the truths. That’s what I find truly remarkable. I think Sister Bu has explored a new path.
8459.64 That is, when you want to talk about something that makes people nervous, you first talk about something else that makes people even more nervous.
8466.48 Look how scared you all got. It catches everyone off guard. People don’t know what to be nervous about anymore.
8471.58 The audience ends up laughing uncontrollably. It’s a happy accident. She happened to choose this segment as the final act. That is,
8477.5 we don’t need every spear to win. But if one spear wins, that victory shatters all the shields.
8482.52 It’s a victory that breaks them all. When she choked up on stage for a moment, It was just so moving.
8490.26 I saw that Teacher Luyu was also crying. Niaoniao was crying too. This part was amazing, Bu-jie.
8495.56 I almost wanted to cry at that moment. It was so sincere. My nose felt tingly. And I felt the same way.
8501.42 I have a daughter, you know. She’s still young. I also think I hope these actresses can break these prejudices.
8508.42 After breaking those shackles, my child will live in a better world.
8515.12 She’s like an umbrella, a big umbrella, shielding all the girls around her, protecting everyone
8521.86 who is reading this script, and even everyone around her. This piece by Bu-jie is especially meaningful.
8527.24 Because every time I see similar topics online or trending, I see these kinds of topics,
8532.26 my heart skips a beat too. She paused at that moment, just like my heart skipped a beat.
8537.54 I think it’s the same feeling. I felt very complicated at that moment. When I talked about that scene,
8544.42 I thought about a lot of things. Some things I saw before, like girls because of a kind of public pressure from society,
8550.14 ended up taking their own lives. This kind of thing, including women, news about unsafe situations in society, when I see these things, I feel really upset.
8555.54 My emotions are very complicated. Because there are a lot of women in my family, so I feel that talking more about these topics
8561.54 will make it easier for my daughter’s generation to live more easily in the future. That feeling gives me a kind of sense of mission.
8567.2 I really hope that young girls bound by this kind of moral restraint and restriction
8573.1 can understand I told her three times to stay alive. Stay alive.
8579.22 No matter what the situation is, I hope everyone cherishes life. Only by staying alive can things turn around. Only then can you see hope.
8589.72 Do you know what? When I was just on stage, my mind was completely filled with thoughts of you. I know you’re really popular.
8595.76 But the one I have my eye on can’t be taken by anyone else. Just wait for me. I’m coming right now. Um, Sister Bu…
8600.9 Ah. Oh. It’s nothing. It’s Qiehuang. Yeah. Is that a problem? No, it’s fine.
8606.82 Of course it’s fine. After all, every bucket of Qiehuang contains about one sun-ripened tomato. It’s rich, sweet, and tangy.
8612.6 Everyone loves it. Of course. Tomatoes are a treasure.
8617.76 You can’t go wrong with Qiehuang. Why don’t you have some too? I can help myself.
8624.02 It’s all a misunderstanding. It’s all a misunderstanding. In theory, because Bu Jingyun has advanced,
8630.12 then Seven, please move to the next floor first.
8635.56 Since we were originally following the 30, I would now like to congratulate eight contestants who have successfully advanced.
8643.6 The advancing contestants are Xiao Qi,
8649.72 Qiu Rui, Zhang Jun,
8655.16 Xue Bing, Kid,
8661.02 Echo, Wang Dadao.
8669.52 We would now like to invite these contestants to proceed to the next round. That’s wonderful! Thank you.
8675.44 Because I just mentioned that everyone is outstanding, so I hope more contestants
8680.9 can advance to the next round. So we found a particularly reasonable reason.
8690.16 This reasonable reason points to an actor who has already advanced
8695.44 among the friends who have advanced so far the one with the lowest score His score is 232 votes
8702.6 Xiaokuai Oh my So in order to not leave anyone with regrets
8709.3 we have decided all contestants with scores greater than or equal to 232
8716.72 will advance Sister Xiaoli made it Go Xiaoli!
8723.48 Brother Kuai has benefited everyone Xiaokuai, why don’t you say something first Do you feel that you
8729.8 I performed a bit too well today Maybe I should have done a little less so that everyone could advance
8735.84 I’m a bit regretful now If I had known earlier I could have messed up a few more jokes, right?
8743.66 So let’s congratulate Seven
8749.86 Hotpot Li Wen
8756.56 and Wang Xiaoli Congratulations to all four
8761.6 for advancing to the next round Please move to the advancement area Bye
8768.3 Bye Thank you, Kuai.
8773.5 You’re welcome. Thank you, Kuai. It’s all what I should do. Kuai. Li.
8778.86 It’s all what I should do. Kuai. It’s what I should do. We meet again. It’s what should be done.
8786.16 A competition is a competition. So after our second round after the second stage ends
8793.24 some friends will still have to leave this stage, unfortunately. Let’s take a look at their names.
8803.5 Let’s thank Da Guoshou, Wang Ying, Sun Xi,
8808.76 Axiu, Xiaodie, Wu Ding, Li Mengjie, Han Dagou.
8814.98 Thank you to these eight outstanding stand-up comedians for bringing to this stage wonderful stand-up performances.
8821.04 We hope to see you on stage again next year and see you all again. Good luck! Bye-bye!
8828.02 It feels kind of good. I’m kind of celebrating. This kind of failure
8833.26 will gradually fade for you. The concepts of success and failure
8838.48 There’s a bit of regret. There’s some unwillingness. There’s a bit of feeling wronged.
8843.66 This feeling makes me feel that I shouldn’t have gotten this score.
8849.52 I’m waiting for what I really want to do. I’ve really waited a long, long time. So every time I get on that stage, I feel like that stage belongs to me.
8855.56 Don’t be fooled by the way my jokes are. But I my mindset
8861.02 or my mental health among these stand-up comedians ranks second. I say second just to be precise.
8867.66 So what I regret is just not
8873.16 not being able to go further with Sister Xiaoli. The ones I got along best with so far are
8879.02 me, Wang Ying, and her (Xiaoli). Both of them have left. I hope that we
8884.24 all the friends from Changsha Xiaoma can keep going. May our friendship last forever. See you offline.
8894.78 If you come to watch my show I hope you don’t bring your brain I’m just a very chaotic and laid-back person
8902.14 Li Mengjie Remember how you felt watching the competition
8907.18 the feeling Remember how you felt watching everyone the feeling
8912.8 Don’t betray stand-up comedy
8919.22 Will I get criticized after my show airs? Will my first broadcast make it to the trending list?
8924.26 Go all out. Don’t overthink it. There’s always a way out. He said not now.
8931.86 How should I overcome this strong perfectionist mindset? No.
8938.96 What I care about is will the friends who stay be happy? Who can give you the answer? Who’s that amazing?
8944.7 Sun Shuheng. That’s what I think too. Yeah. When you gave me the Book of Answers,
8950.6 I thought, who can really give you the answers to life? What I was thinking is, should I keep sticking to my own style?
8957.4 Just do it. From Xiao Qi. I didn’t expect it to be so simple. So concise.
8963.06 So powerful. In these past six months, can I write better jokes? Can I finish my solo show? How long will it take to finish the next solo show?
8970.84 Who can give you the answer? Who’s that amazing? Sun Shuheng. This person is so annoying.
8977.86 Wang Jiye. Your highlight moment is in the next moment.
8985.16 Wu Ding Reaping without sowing See you next time
8991.96 Let’s meet offline See you next year See you next year Hope to see everyone again in 2026
8998.0 Everyone is welcome to come see me in person Come watch my performance Goodbye, friends
9008.66 « Stand-up Comedy and Friends » The second round of season two The Battle of Spear and Shield
9014.26 has now come to an end. Meituan Flash Purchase, incredibly fast Advance to the next round ahead of others
9019.98 Next, let’s take a look at the list of those advancing from this round.
9028.72 Congratulations A total of 34 contestants have advanced. 14 from the Spear team
9035.46 and 20 from the Shield team. As the winning side, all members of the Shield team
9040.98 will have priority in the next round. Congratulations to all who advanced.
9047.18 We hope that in the third round we’ll see even more amazing performances from you. Want to experience
9052.92 the joy of live stand-up comedy? Search for « Xiaoguo » on WeChat and follow the official Xiaoguo account and mini program.
9059.48 Tons of shows are waiting for you. A new round of the stand-up tour is about to begin. Open the Xiaoguo mini program
9065.76 to follow your favorite comedians and wish for the tour to come to your city. Friends, they might just show up near you.
9072.02 The competition continues. Same time next week, let’s meet again in the next round.
9077.58 Thank you, everyone.
9096.96 Friends who use stand-up comedy as a shield actually are quite understandable A shield, in my opinion, involves more self-reflection
9102.98 than usual They might focus more on themselves and their own lives and on expressing personal emotions
9109.4 Using stand-up comedy as a shield can protect their inner core to some extent Then, when they go on stage it makes them feel relatively
9115.44 safer inside There are many things they might have cared a lot about before but after turning them into stand-up material
9120.52 they stop caring as much They want to use the little humorous things in life to possibly dilute
9126.74 greater exhaustion or pain They are also facing many difficulties I think
9132.32 their content is also very powerful Using it as a spear is also a choice. Maybe they still have
9138.5 more expectations for this world. They would rather express the frustration and grievances in their hearts
9144.44 and some of the negative emotions they’ve experienced. They want to use a confrontational approach to
9149.92 protect themselves. He might want to strike back at those who bullied him, to fight against those
9156.12 negative phenomena, and things he can’t understand. They might be people who live with more certainty. In some ways,
9161.96 they are braver than I am. They dare to speak out about things they think are wrong. They use the pen in their hand as a sharp blade,
9168.12 using stand-up comedy, using humor to satirize this harsh reality, or to express
9173.3 their anger. For them, comedy is their weapon, like a pair of nunchucks. Full of youthful energy,
9179.18 if they don’t use this thing to carve out their own path,
9186.66 You’re really contradictory. This thing of yours, the topic is really contradictory. Maybe outsiders have some
9191.88 stereotypes about us. They say we should not be afraid of this or that. But sometimes, we’re actually controlling our fear.
9197.2 But fear doesn’t just go away. For example, if someone does something bad to you, you should say something,
9202.44 or shout something, but you don’t. Because you feel ashamed, you say nothing. You stay silent.
9208.24 You even question your own silence. When I’m interacting with my parents, during these interactions, on one hand, I feel
9214.4 my heart is very soft. But on the other hand, it’s like I’m judging my own soft heart. In what way
9220.8 do you make the audience laugh? Do you want to cater to and please the audience’s sense of humor, or
9225.9 use your own true thoughts to move just a small group of people?
9235.3 You see, most of them nowadays stand-up comedians are young people. They dare to
9240.68 break certain boundaries. Through this kind of content, they express their strong opinions.
9245.94 That is also a kind of power. I hope that after the laughter, there can still be something left behind.
9251.44 I hope what you say can make everyone feel it’s quite fresh and original, like a breath of fresh air. There are some negative emotions at work.
9257.22 I hope that through stand-up comedy, I can relieve them. I hope I can learn to fight back,
9262.78 fight back against life, and fight back against others. It can help me become more independent. I don’t want to just let things go anymore.
9269.46 I hope others can also let things go a bit more. I hope you’re happy. You hope I’m happy.
9275.68 I hope I can protect more people. Thanks to stand-up comedy for letting me grow under its protection,
9282.26 always sprouting and growing. Thank you for always protecting me.
9288.62 Alright, sweetheart. Stop whining. If you want to change your dad now, he really can’t make it in time. But Mom has prepared for you
9294.96 a2 Ziyao HMO formula. 96 times the milk gold. Sustained protection from maternal source. With a2 Ziyao HMO,
9301.42 you two are sure to become shining little giants. But, my daughter, we need to slowly learn not to rely on your dad.
9307.3 You still need to build your own protection. I’m not saying you have to rely solely on your own efforts to get a new dad. No.
9314.46 Not joking. Meituan Flash Purchase is arriving soon. Thanks to the service that’s more than just a little faster,
9319.76 the next-generation shopping method, Meituan Flash Purchase. Title sponsorship. Tomatoes are treasures, Tomato King is always right.
9327.26 Thanks to the addition of a sun-ripened tomato inside, jointly sponsored by Tomato King.
9333.46 Making life happier. Thanks to the national baijiu, Old Village Chief. Special sponsorship.
9339.14 96 times milk gold. Enduring protection from maternal sources. Thanks for protecting babies as they grow and shine,
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9357.2 Chatting calls for Lay’s. Share deliciousness, double the happiness. Thanks to Lay’s, crispy in every bite, endless fun.
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9376.72 The rules for the third round are very exciting. It’s called the « Making Friends Round. » The team with the highest total votes wins.
9384.42 All teams with lower votes enter the pending zone. It’s really hard to catch up with the votes now, right? So they’ve basically already won.
9390.38 Yeah. The contestants in the pending zone will be ranked according to their individual vote counts.
9396.94 There are 26 spots for advancement. Eight contestants will, after this round, unfortunately have to leave.
9403.96 A comeback victory. They still managed to catch up. They caught up. « Stand-up and Friends » is amazing, amazing, amazing!
9410.84 Welcome, everyone, to the second season of « Stand-up and Friends. » Welcome, everyone.
9415.92 Why did you cry today? Crying was the right move. Li Wen is a rare very pure guy. I don’t mean the rest of you aren’t pure.
9422.02 That’s exactly what you mean. If you hadn’t added that, I wouldn’t have thought of myself as impure. Are you graduating this year? Yes.
9427.06 I just finished my thesis defense last week. What did you say? What are you talking about? Attending vocational school and working on the power grid. The word « defense » (thesis defense)
9432.4 is even unfamiliar to you now? Yes. Let’s start the game segment. Cantonese word guessing.
9437.68 I can speak Cantonese. No, you can’t.
9443.22 A Korean has arrived. Hangzhou
9448.76 Xiang Zuo Our relationship feels like
9454.4 a drop tower ride. That’s right, that’s right. Next one, please. Next one, please. Passed.
.