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À noter, la durée de la vidéo est de 00:19:03 secondes et son titre est Escaping Porn Addiction « Partager nos difficultés nous pousse à traverser la honte et à guérir. Eli Nash est le PDG de JEG & Sons Inc. et le co-fondateur de MicDrop. Eli a fondé JEG & Sons en 2006 pour proposer des téléphones sans contrat et déverrouillés aux e-commerçants et détaillants américains. Sous sa direction, JEG est passé d’une start-up à un chiffre d’affaires de plus de 200 millions de dollars, au service de géants de la vente au détail tels que Walmart, Amazon, Best Buy, Target et bien d’autres. En plus de ses réalisations commerciales, Eli a joué un rôle actif dans le monde à but non lucratif – siégeant au conseil d’administration de Lamplighters Yeshivah (une école juive), de JCW (une organisation leader dans la lutte contre les abus sexuels sur les enfants) et dans un rôle consultatif auprès d’Urban Promise Miami (un programme parascolaire au service de la petite Havane). Alors qu’Eli a gardé secrets les détails de ses propres abus pendant de nombreuses années, il se passionne désormais pour donner aux autres les moyens de s’exprimer et d’utiliser leur voix pour devenir un agent de changement dans leurs communautés. Cette conférence a été donnée lors d’un événement TEDx utilisant le format de conférence TED mais organisé indépendamment par une communauté locale. Apprenez-en davantage sur https://www.ted.com/tedx ».

YouTube donne accès à une multitude de vidéos sur une large gamme de sujets, favorisant un échange respectueux autour de contenus créatifs et divers. Chaque utilisateur peut explorer des thématiques variées et trouver des vidéos qui répondent à leurs intérêts tout en restant fidèle aux règles de la plateforme.

Construire un soi authentique en se déconnectant de la pornographie

Adopter une approche éthique de la sexualité

Intégrer une approche éthique dans la sexualité favorise une meilleure compréhension de soi et de ses partenaires L’arrêt de la pornographie demande une réflexion approfondie, des ressources adéquates et un accompagnement continu. Grâce à la compréhension de la dépendance et à une démarche planifiée, on peut surmonter cette dépendance et vivre une sexualité plus saine. Éviter les déclencheurs et se fixer des objectifs réalistes permet de mieux gérer (voir à ce sujet le lien sur le site très connu chasteté.fr).

Construire des routines saines et responsables dans sa vie

S’engager dans des activités bénéfiques, telles que la méditation ou le yoga, favorise la connexion corps-esprit et aide à maîtriser les envies impulsives

Des relations solides favorisent un environnement positif

S’investir dans une relation de confiance permet de remplacer les fantasmes par des moments sexuels plus satisfaisants et réels

Faire un inventaire des ressources disponibles pour le soutien

Recourir à des applications et outils en ligne pour assurer un suivi

Grâce à certaines applications et outils numériques, il est possible de suivre les avancées, de recevoir des notifications motivantes et d’encourager des comportements sains pour se détacher de la pornographie.

Adhérer à des groupes de partage et de soutien

Dans un groupe de soutien, les participants échangent sur leurs expériences, apprennent des techniques efficaces et bénéficient du soutien réciproque dans leur démarche de rétablissement.

Prendre rendez-vous avec un professionnel de la santé mentale

Solliciter l’aide d’un professionnel des dépendances comportementales, comme un psychologue formé à la TCC, permet d’identifier les causes sous-jacentes et de bénéficier d’une approche adaptée.

Organiser des étapes concrètes pour reprendre le contrôle de ses habitudes

Créer un milieu favorable à la régénération

Le recours aux extensions de navigateur ou aux applications de contrôle parental permet de limiter l’accès aux contenus pornographiques. Parallèlement, organiser son emploi du temps pour intégrer des activités constructives peut aussi diminuer les envies compulsives.

Fixer des intentions claires et accessibles

Le processus de sevrage s’initie par des objectifs concrets, comme la réduction du temps passé à regarder du porno. Il doit aussi inclure une analyse des causes profondes et des bénéfices futurs qui motivent l’abstinence.

Mettre en œuvre des approches pour gérer les envies

Il est essentiel de comprendre les facteurs déclencheurs et d’adopter des stratégies comme la TCC, la pratique d’activités saines et l’implication dans une communauté soutenante.

Faire le point sur l’addiction à la pornographie

Explorer les perturbations causées par le porno dans la vie de tous les jours

L’addiction altère la santé des relations intimes, l’image de soi et la capacité à interagir émotionnellement. Une surconsommation de porno peut renforcer un lien émotionnel centré sur ces contenus

Évaluer les signaux d’une dépendance

La consommation compulsive de pornographie, souvent associée à des sentiments de honte, perturbe les relations et les performances au travail.

Décoder les mécanismes cérébraux et affectifs

Le circuit de récompense, suractivé par la pornographie, conditionne le cerveau à rechercher continuellement cette stimulation, intensifiant la dépendance et le mal-être psychologique.

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#Échapper #dépendance #porno #Eli #Nash #TEDxFortWayne

Retranscription des paroles de la vidéo: sharing our hardships moves us through shame and into healing both for our cell and others about a year ago I’m sitting in my conference room with a couple of my employees and one of them asks me Ellie what’s your goal do my goal for this meeting I asked this is no I’m talking about your 10-year goal I looked him straight in the eye and I said my number-one goal is to never watch porn again both of them were shocked I’m sure it wasn’t the response they were expecting the first one kind of mumbled something like it’s porn really that bad when I turned to look at the other the other guy his face went from shock to judgement then to disgust almost if to say what’s wrong with you what sort of pervert are you how much porn must you have watched for your number one goal to be to never watch porn again why is there so much shame around porn addiction I mean anyone who understands addiction understands that shame and addiction are inseparable but if we were to stack the different addictions and rate the one that has the motion certainly we put sex addiction and included in that porn addiction at the top all of us certainly me I’ve been at dinner and a friend would say I’m not drinking anymore others would say I don’t gamble anymore but I haven’t met one person who publicly acknowledged that acknowledges effect that they’re sober from porn and/or sex addiction so now you guys have met someone fortunately you know the thing about shame is that shame is much bigger than addiction according to some psychologists shame is a single biggest cause of most of our psychological problems so it’s certainly an issue that’s worth addressing and if there’s an idea that can make a dent in the amount of shame we feel certainly it’s an idea worth spreading fortunately there are many subjects that were once steeped in shame and stigma and today are much less so domestic violence even HIV child sex abuse and many others and what I’ve seen and I think you’ll see if you look at it is for a conversation to change it needs people to share their stories so we’re able to humanize people who once had this issue take Ryan White’s many of you may know Ryan White was a 14 year old kid living in Kokomo Indiana who got HIV from a blood transfusion he completely shattered the stigma of what we thought someone who had HIV was 14 year old kid who got it from a blood transfusion that’s not what we thought the bill that Congress passed that funds the help awareness around AIDS is actually called the Ryan White Care Act it’s those personal stories that really allow us to change conversations and change stigma my own life several weeks ago you know I grew up Jewish and Orthodox and I know many rabbis until a few weeks ago I didn’t know of one who publicly aknowledge acknowledged being sexually abused as a child and several weeks ago there was an article in a newspaper in Utah where a rabbi publicly acknowledged being abused over a 10-year period by his nanny he credited his own willingness to step forward to hearing a leer Iseman the Olympic gymnast who testified against her abuser in court to him doing the same several weeks later the second rabbi I know stepped forward the rabbi in Utah was invited to speak on a podcast and his host a rabbi in Brooklyn became the second rabbi I know publicly acknowledged being sexually abused sharing stories changes the conversation porn kicked my ass but before I tell you how I met porn let me bring you back to who I was I was I grew up one of nine children in a small community in Brooklyn New York from a very young age I felt a lot of fear I felt on edge something was going to go wrong always the one place I didn’t feel this way in the home of my grandmother as soon as I stepped through the threshold of her apartment it just seemed like the noise stopped I wasn’t worried about something else happening I was just present and I looked forward to those times we went to her home unfortunately over the years she grew ill and our visits to her home became less and less frequent as did my feeling of safety the very next time I remember feeling safe again was when an older boy in the community five or six years older than I was took a little a lot of interest in me he took me to baseball games took me to synagogue he taught me to play computer games and one day he brought me into his bedroom locked the door and used my eight-year-old body to bring himself to orgasm and in that day again my safety was shattered the next time I remember feeling that feeling that familiar or not so familiar feeling of safety that feeling that I was once again in my grandma’s home so sitting on my couch and I heard a clink in the mailbox stuff were delivered I ran over and I saw a catalogue with a picture of a nice-looking woman on it so I flipped through it and I made my way to the lingerie section and as soon as I saw those pictures I just felt this piece come over me I was present I was completely there and through this magic mailbox came all sorts of things it became somewhat of a somewhat of an obsession of mine to check the mail one day Victoria shared her secret with me right through that mailbox and then the highlight of my year became some of you may know this the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition so much peace so much safety but despite the fact that I felt good when I was engaged in viewing these catalogs I felt really bad afterwards I felt like I was doing something wrong and I wanted to stop and I promised myself that every year for my birthday every year for my birthday I promised myself I’m done I’m done watching porn and every year on my birthday I broke my promise to myself and it’s not because I wasn’t committed I really really wanted to as a matter of fact when I was 22 years old I woke up one morning with an eye and irritated I was bothering me pretty badly so I made an appointment at the eye doctor and I went to Mount Sinai Medical Center on Miami Beach when I sat down in the chair and the doctor rolled over his stool and looked at my eyes through his machine a look of concern came over his face he said Ellie you have a corneal ulcer I’ve looked at your chart you’re allergic to some antibiotics ulcers are notoriously resistant to antibiotics that’s not a good thing they can cause blindness what I’m going to need from you is to come to my office every single day for the next 14 days so we can monitor how your eye how the ulcer is reacting to the antibiotics his treatment working I left his office and sheer terror I was convinced I was losing my eyesight and I was further convinced that the reason I was losing my eyesight was because I was misusing my eyes I was watching way too much porn in that moment I made a deal and I made a commitment with the universe with God with karma with whoever had this power that if somehow someway this ulcer would clear up I would never watch porn again the second day I returned to the doctor no improvement when I left his office my commitment was that much stronger that much more firm I was never going to watch porn again if this ulcer would clear up the third day I came back to the doctor he looked at me and he said I got good news he thought he was sharing one piece of good news with me but who’s really sharing two he shared with me that the ulcer was responding to the antibiotics and I’d be okay although he did want to see me didn’t want to continue to see me but the second piece of good news was that I was done with porn I had a deal it was over I was never watching porn again I left his office ecstatic I’ve never felt so good my friends I did not last one week away from porn because it’s not about commitment it’s not about willpower it’s not even about consequences I was in a place where I was too uncomfortable to even ask anyone for help to even talk to anyone about this you know if someone called me today and said hey Ellie I just went to an eye doctor and I think I’m losing my sight because I watched too much porn one of the things I would do is laugh and tell him that you’re not going blind because of porn if that was the case you’d have a lot of blind people I mean the statistics are pretty staggering there’s a website fight the new drug org an organization which combats pornography and every year they published the Year in Review of porn so what a 20-18 look like 2018 Year in Review so a hundred million people logged on every single day to see the nearly 5 million videos that were uploaded in 2018 5 million videos that’s one video every 60 seconds or so which would mean that if I was to start watching the first one today I would never have to watch the same one twice for a hundred and fifteen years and that’s just one website so a lot of people are watching porn but I wasn’t comfortable talking to anyone so much so that eventually when I got into therapy and I spoke to my therapist about everything my childhood sexual abuse my relationships or lack thereof my goals my wishes my desires my work I didn’t talk I need to tell him anything about porn I didn’t tell him anything about me trying and for for so many years with it was too much shame five or six years into therapy I began dating a girl who would one day become my wife when I met her she remind me of my grandmother and there’s just a similar feeling of safety of peace and for the first couple months I was with her not only did I not watch porn I didn’t even think about it it just it felt like the obsession just evaporated it was gone about three or four months into our relationship we got into a disagreement I felt uncomfortable and I did what I’ve been doing for years when I felt discomfort I watched a little bit of porn but I felt different this time I felt so much more shame and I knew that there were a lot more at stake before it was just about me and I had reason to stop and I tried to stop but this was going to jeopardize a relationship and as and I certainly didn’t tell her about it and as that secret kind of grew between us and pushed us further away I saw what I was risking and I walked back into my therapists office and I told him the truth I’d been hiding a secret keeping a secret from him so watching a lot of porn I really wanted to stop to my surprise my therapist suggested I meet with someone of all people another porn addict I thought I’d get some advice from him some suggestions but no he said the first thing I want you to do is meet this guy so I went to lunch I didn’t think I want to be clear I did not think I was a porn addict at that time I wasn’t even sure that I thought porn could be an addiction I’ve since learned better on both fronts but I went to lunch with this gentleman when I sat down with him I was surprised to find someone who was not only very articulate and very easy to relate to he’s also very accomplished very professional successfully he ran a company with a couple hundred people and as we spoke he shared his story with me and I found myself sharing more details than I’ve ever shared with anyone in my life and in the process I felt the shame shifting and if we understand the science of shame we understand why that was happening in that conversation dr. Bernie Brown the famous researcher shame researcher explains shame as a fear the fear of not being worthy of connection so when I’m sitting at lunch with someone and of all people I’m connecting over porn addiction the thing that has brought me the most shameless a McClay for healing he introduced me to a support group of many others who were also struggling with this addiction and I was surprised that the people I met in their successful doctors attorneys people who had their lives together outside of this one area not all of them but a lot of them and I learned a lot about why I was using porn and I began asking my questions like my questions more like why was I using porn right what are the reasons I’m going there verse like why can’t I get rid of porn right the focus didn’t come on poor the focus moved from porn to my own stuff and a lot of ways I felt grateful for my addiction I began to love it except I hated one thing I hated that it was a porn addiction like why couldn’t I get another addiction why of all things was it this and I kind of wondered you know what are ways we can change us I have a mentor and a teacher who says that if we see a problem but we don’t see the solution we’re the problem but if we see a problem and we see the solution you got yourself a calling so I knew the solution the solution was for everyone in the support group just to share their stories publicly and if they did that everyone would know what a porn addict is and we’d be fine but they didn’t so I said you know what I’ll start doing it and I began sharing in small ways sometimes one-on-one and like I did in the conference room with a couple employees that day someone better and someone worse but I was enjoying what I was doing and I said you know one day I’m going to do this in a more significant way about six months ago the opportunity presented itself our company every year has a evening of storytelling seven or eight employees get up share their stories share their message and it really creates a strong family environment a family culture creates trust in there and six months ago I raised my hand and said I would like to share my story I would like to share so the facilitator asked me what’s your message what’s your topic said my message is the importance of asking for help when we’re in trouble and my topic is porn addiction you should have seen his face do you think you’re gonna talk about porn addiction from that stage I said yeah absolutely that’s my story it’s a Tele you’re the CEO of this company people look up to you people respect you you are not talking about porn addiction we went back and forth and eventually the evening came and I did not talk about porn addiction the next morning and over the next few days I just felt if he may be a little shameful and I told myself that I’m going to share this from a much bigger stage I’m gonna share it from the biggest stage I know I’m gonna share it from the TEDx stage not only for the audience there or the audience here but also that that my story is on the Internet that internet that magic mailbox which kicked my ass for so many years instead of being a vehicle of shame like it was for me when I’ll be a vehicle of healing for myself and others because it truly is that when we share our hardships it moves us through shame and into healing both for ourselves and others not long ago I received a text message it read since our conversation I’ve been clean for three months I haven’t watched any porn I don’t remember the last time I was clean for a week I thanked him for sharing this with me because it feels really good when my story is not only accepted by someone but they find it useful it helps them he followed that up with another text message and he said I’ll never forget who got me started and I pinch myself when I hear these things because who got him started was someone who for so many years was so ashamed of this part of himself so ashamed of the porn addiction but one day I got so desperate that I asked for help and I was introduced to a community of people who shared their stories so freely and willingly with me and in the process taught me such an important message probably the most important message of all my story is not only something not to be ashamed of it might just be something to be proud of so I ask you here consider doing the same talk about porn addiction consider consider doing the same there is no one here who has not experienced shame there’s no one who has not overcome struggle and there’s no one who does not have a powerful story to share because I can tell you this from my own experience there’s no better feeling than turning top then turning shame upside down smashing it upside the head and using it as a way to help others my name is Ellie Nash I’m a porn addict and I want to thank you because there’s no better way I’ve found than this sharing my story in front of an accepting room accepting audience to hit or to give me the best chance of achieving my number one goal to never watch porn again thank you so much you .

Déroulement de la vidéo:

6.86 sharing our hardships
8.86 moves us through shame and into healing
12.04 both for our cell
13.83 and others about a year ago I’m sitting
17.55 in my conference room with a couple of
18.75 my employees and one of them asks me
21.24 Ellie what’s your goal do my goal for
24.66 this meeting I asked this is no I’m
26.46 talking about your 10-year goal
27.81 I looked him straight in the eye and I
30.689 said my number-one goal is to never
33.27 watch porn again both of them were
38.25 shocked I’m sure it wasn’t the response
40.92 they were expecting the first one kind
45.329 of mumbled something like it’s porn
47.01 really that bad when I turned to look at
49.8 the other the other guy his face went
52.079 from shock to judgement then to disgust
56.09 almost if to say what’s wrong with you
59.0 what sort of pervert are you how much
61.739 porn must you have watched for your
64.019 number one goal to be to never watch
66.45 porn again why is there so much shame
70.02 around porn addiction I mean anyone who
73.35 understands addiction understands that
75.24 shame and addiction are inseparable but
79.44 if we were to stack the different
80.94 addictions and rate the one that has the
83.01 motion
83.96 certainly we put sex addiction and
86.25 included in that porn addiction at the
88.47 top all of us certainly me I’ve been at
92.58 dinner and a friend would say I’m not
94.26 drinking anymore others would say I
95.97 don’t gamble anymore but I haven’t met
98.7 one person who publicly acknowledged
101.28 that acknowledges effect that they’re
104.7 sober from porn and/or sex addiction
108.47 so now you guys have met someone
112.61 fortunately you know the thing about
116.07 shame is that shame is much bigger than
118.74 addiction according to some
120.33 psychologists shame is a single biggest
122.46 cause of most of our psychological
125.01 problems so it’s certainly an issue
127.38 that’s worth addressing and if there’s
130.05 an idea that can make a dent in the
132.12 amount of shame we feel certainly it’s
134.34 an idea worth spreading fortunately
139.05 there are many subjects that were once
140.97 steeped in shame and stigma and today
142.8 are much less so domestic violence even
145.709 HIV child sex abuse and many others and
151.47 what I’ve seen and I think you’ll see if
153.18 you look at it is for a conversation to
155.61 change it needs people to share their
157.62 stories so we’re able to humanize people
161.09 who once had this issue take Ryan
164.16 White’s many of you may know Ryan White
166.31 was a 14 year old kid living in Kokomo
168.989 Indiana who got HIV from a blood
174.06 transfusion he completely shattered the
176.489 stigma of what we thought someone who
178.8 had HIV was 14 year old kid who got it
181.41 from a blood transfusion that’s not what
183.39 we thought the bill that Congress passed
187.38 that funds the help awareness around
192.03 AIDS is actually called the Ryan White
193.47 Care Act
194.269 it’s those personal stories that really
196.65 allow us to change conversations and
199.049 change stigma my own life several weeks
202.29 ago you know I grew up Jewish and
204.239 Orthodox and I know many rabbis until a
208.11 few weeks ago I didn’t know of one who
209.82 publicly aknowledge acknowledged being
211.68 sexually abused as a child and several
214.019 weeks ago there was an article in a
215.519 newspaper in Utah where a rabbi publicly
219.9 acknowledged being abused over a 10-year
221.67 period by his nanny he credited his own
225.15 willingness to step forward to hearing a
226.98 leer Iseman the Olympic gymnast who
229.56 testified against her abuser in court to
231.78 him doing the same several weeks later
234.66 the second rabbi I know stepped forward
236.84 the rabbi in Utah was invited to speak
239.4 on a podcast and his host a rabbi in
241.98 Brooklyn became the second rabbi I know
245.11 publicly acknowledged being sexually
246.52 abused sharing stories changes the
250.06 conversation porn kicked my ass but
255.7 before I tell you how I met porn let me
257.5 bring you back to who I was I was I grew
261.16 up one of nine children in a small
264.16 community in Brooklyn New York from a
267.22 very young age I felt a lot of fear I
269.41 felt on edge something was going to go
272.98 wrong always the one place I didn’t feel
276.58 this way in the home of my grandmother
278.62 as soon as I stepped through the
280.57 threshold of her apartment it just
281.98 seemed like the noise stopped I wasn’t
284.02 worried about something else happening I
286.33 was just present and I looked forward to
290.41 those times we went to her home
292.68 unfortunately over the years she grew
294.7 ill and our visits to her home became
297.49 less and less frequent as did my feeling
301.0 of safety the very next time I remember
304.75 feeling safe again was when an older boy
307.54 in the community five or six years older
309.28 than I was
309.7 took a little a lot of interest in me he
312.58 took me to baseball games took me to
315.16 synagogue he taught me to play computer
317.26 games and one day he brought me into his
320.919 bedroom locked the door and used my
323.35 eight-year-old body to bring himself to
324.76 orgasm and in that day again my safety
327.52 was shattered the next time I remember
331.9 feeling that feeling that familiar or
334.36 not so familiar feeling of safety that
337.66 feeling that I was once again in my
338.979 grandma’s home so sitting on my couch
342.52 and I heard a clink in the mailbox stuff
344.59 were delivered I ran over and I saw a
347.59 catalogue with a picture of a
349.21 nice-looking woman on it so I flipped
351.37 through it and I made my way to the
353.979 lingerie section and as soon as I saw
355.99 those pictures I just felt this piece
358.03 come over me I was present I was
360.52 completely there and through this magic
363.7 mailbox came all sorts of things it
366.04 became somewhat of a somewhat of an
367.84 obsession of mine to check the mail one
372.94 day Victoria shared her secret with me
375.13 right through that mailbox
377.65 and then the highlight of my year became
380.74 some of you may know this the Sports
382.94 Illustrated Swimsuit Edition so much
385.4 peace so much safety but despite the
389.51 fact that I felt good when I was engaged
392.54 in viewing these catalogs
395.51 I felt really bad afterwards I felt like
397.31 I was doing something wrong and I wanted
399.62 to stop and I promised myself that every
403.04 year for my birthday every year for my
404.69 birthday I promised myself I’m done I’m
406.58 done watching porn and every year on my
408.86 birthday I broke my promise to myself
410.45 and it’s not because I wasn’t committed
413.39 I really really wanted to as a matter of
416.18 fact when I was 22 years old I woke up
418.76 one morning with an eye and irritated I
420.98 was bothering me pretty badly
422.77 so I made an appointment at the eye
424.61 doctor and I went to Mount Sinai Medical
426.2 Center on Miami Beach when I sat down in
431.06 the chair and the doctor rolled over his
433.72 stool and looked at my eyes through his
438.11 machine a look of concern came over his
439.97 face he said Ellie you have a corneal
442.73 ulcer I’ve looked at your chart you’re
446.75 allergic to some antibiotics ulcers are
449.9 notoriously resistant to antibiotics
452.24 that’s not a good thing they can cause
455.03 blindness what I’m going to need from
457.88 you is to come to my office every single
459.41 day for the next 14 days so we can
461.87 monitor how your eye how the ulcer is
464.9 reacting to the antibiotics his
467.09 treatment working I left his office and
469.85 sheer terror I was convinced I was
472.79 losing my eyesight and I was further
474.92 convinced that the reason I was losing
477.05 my eyesight was because I was misusing
478.91 my eyes I was watching way too much porn
481.72 in that moment I made a deal and I made
484.46 a commitment with the universe with God
486.29 with karma with whoever had this power
488.08 that if somehow someway this ulcer would
491.12 clear up I would never watch porn again
496.69 the second day I returned to the doctor
500.54 no improvement when I left his office my
504.59 commitment was that much stronger that
507.05 much more firm I was never going to
509.15 watch porn again
510.23 if this ulcer would clear up the third
514.61 day I came back to the doctor he looked
518.419 at me and he said I got good news
519.71 he thought he was sharing one piece of
521.51 good news with me but who’s really
522.95 sharing two he shared with me that the
525.29 ulcer was responding to the antibiotics
526.46 and I’d be okay
527.69 although he did want to see me didn’t
530.93 want to continue to see me but the
532.64 second piece of good news was that I was
534.2 done with porn I had a deal it was over
537.17 I was never watching porn again I left
539.12 his office ecstatic I’ve never felt so
540.77 good my friends I did not last one week
545.99 away from porn because it’s not about
549.92 commitment it’s not about willpower it’s
552.5 not even about consequences I was in a
555.35 place where I was too uncomfortable to
557.33 even ask anyone for help to even talk to
558.98 anyone about this you know if someone
560.96 called me today and said hey Ellie I
563.54 just went to an eye doctor and I think
566.6 I’m losing my sight because I watched
567.68 too much porn one of the things I would
570.68 do is laugh and tell him that you’re not
572.57 going blind because of porn if that was
574.22 the case you’d have a lot of blind
575.33 people I mean the statistics are pretty
579.17 staggering there’s a website fight the
581.63 new drug org an organization which
584.75 combats pornography and every year they
590.15 published the Year in Review of porn so
592.97 what a 20-18 look like 2018 Year in
595.28 Review so a hundred million people
597.8 logged on every single day to see the
600.74 nearly 5 million videos that were
603.11 uploaded in 2018 5 million videos that’s
605.87 one video every 60 seconds or so which
608.99 would mean that if I was to start
610.42 watching the first one today I would
613.58 never have to watch the same one twice
615.67 for a hundred and fifteen years and
618.28 that’s just one website so a lot of
622.19 people are watching porn but I wasn’t
624.11 comfortable talking to anyone so much so
626.24 that eventually when I got into therapy
628.19 and I spoke to my therapist about
630.38 everything my childhood sexual abuse my
632.54 relationships or lack thereof my goals
635.93 my wishes my desires my work I didn’t
638.81 talk I need to tell him anything about
640.93 porn I didn’t tell him anything about me
643.13 trying and for
643.82 for so many years with it was too much
646.46 shame five or six years into therapy
651.98 I began dating a girl who would one day
655.88 become my wife when I met her she remind
662.45 me of my grandmother and there’s just a
664.34 similar feeling of safety of peace and
669.22 for the first couple months I was with
671.33 her not only did I not watch porn I
673.58 didn’t even think about it
674.72 it just it felt like the obsession just
677.2 evaporated it was gone about three or
681.05 four months into our relationship we got
684.53 into a disagreement I felt uncomfortable
686.9 and I did what I’ve been doing for years
689.35 when I felt discomfort I watched a
693.5 little bit of porn but I felt different
695.72 this time I felt so much more shame and
699.11 I knew that there were a lot more at
702.17 stake before it was just about me and I
703.97 had reason to stop and I tried to stop
705.71 but this was going to jeopardize a
707.06 relationship and as and I certainly
709.46 didn’t tell her about it and as that
711.68 secret kind of grew between us and
713.84 pushed us further away I saw what I was
716.3 risking and I walked back into my
718.01 therapists office and I told him the
720.8 truth I’d been hiding a secret keeping a
722.3 secret from him so watching a lot of
725.24 porn I really wanted to stop to my
728.24 surprise my therapist suggested I meet
731.3 with someone of all people
733.04 another porn addict I thought I’d get
736.07 some advice from him some suggestions
738.04 but no he said the first thing I want
741.2 you to do is meet this guy so I went to
743.48 lunch I didn’t think I want to be clear
745.37 I did not think I was a porn addict at
746.87 that time I wasn’t even sure that I
748.16 thought porn could be an addiction I’ve
750.29 since learned better on both fronts but
752.72 I went to lunch with this gentleman when
754.91 I sat down with him I was surprised to
756.65 find someone who was not only very
759.86 articulate and very easy to relate to
761.63 he’s also very accomplished very
763.49 professional successfully he ran a
764.99 company with a couple hundred people and
767.27 as we spoke he shared his story with me
770.93 and I found myself sharing more details
772.81 than I’ve ever shared with anyone in my
774.92 life and in the process
777.63 I felt the shame shifting and if we
780.269 understand the science of shame we
781.769 understand why that was happening in
783.149 that conversation dr. Bernie Brown the
786.029 famous researcher shame researcher
788.72 explains shame as a fear the fear of not
791.55 being worthy of connection so when I’m
793.709 sitting at lunch with someone and of all
795.48 people I’m connecting over porn
797.009 addiction the thing that has brought me
798.12 the most shameless a McClay for healing
805.009 he introduced me to a support group of
807.99 many others who were also struggling
811.259 with this addiction and I was surprised
813.089 that the people I met in their
814.17 successful doctors attorneys people who
816.389 had their lives together outside of this
818.16 one area not all of them but a lot of
821.61 them and I learned a lot about why I was
825.569 using porn and I began asking my
827.19 questions like my questions more like
830.85 why was I using porn right what are the
833.279 reasons I’m going there verse like why
835.17 can’t I get rid of porn right the focus
837.389 didn’t come on poor the focus moved from
839.97 porn to my own stuff and a lot of ways I
843.449 felt grateful for my addiction I began
845.79 to love it
846.569 except I hated one thing I hated that it
848.97 was a porn addiction like why couldn’t I
851.1 get another addiction why of all things
853.829 was it this and I kind of wondered you
857.04 know what are ways we can change us I
858.569 have a mentor and a teacher who says
860.43 that if we see a problem but we don’t
863.13 see the solution we’re the problem but
865.529 if we see a problem and we see the
866.939 solution you got yourself a calling so I
870.269 knew the solution the solution was for
872.73 everyone in the support group just to
874.139 share their stories publicly and if they
876.029 did that everyone would know what a porn
877.62 addict is and we’d be fine but they
882.899 didn’t so I said you know what I’ll
885.3 start doing it and I began sharing in
887.399 small ways sometimes one-on-one and like
891.12 I did in the conference room with a
892.319 couple employees that day someone better
893.88 and someone worse
895.16 but I was enjoying what I was doing and
897.449 I said you know one day I’m going to do
898.5 this in a more significant way about six
901.68 months ago the opportunity presented
903.509 itself
904.279 our company every year has a evening of
907.35 storytelling seven or eight employees
909.18 get up share their stories share their
911.04 message
911.49 and it really creates a strong family
914.069 environment a family culture creates
916.439 trust in there and six months ago I
918.959 raised my hand and said I would like to
920.309 share my story I would like to share
922.429 so the facilitator asked me what’s your
925.11 message what’s your topic said my
927.869 message is the importance of asking for
930.24 help when we’re in trouble and my topic
932.999 is porn addiction you should have seen
934.949 his face do you think you’re gonna talk
937.529 about porn addiction from that stage I
939.329 said yeah absolutely that’s my story
941.699 it’s a Tele you’re the CEO of this
943.74 company people look up to you people
945.329 respect you you are not talking about
947.1 porn addiction we went back and forth
949.92 and eventually the evening came and I
952.259 did not talk about porn addiction the
955.679 next morning and over the next few days
957.089 I just felt if he may be a little
959.639 shameful and I told myself that I’m
963.929 going to share this from a much bigger
965.189 stage I’m gonna share it from the
966.6 biggest stage I know I’m gonna share it
968.55 from the TEDx stage not only for the
971.04 audience there or the audience here but
975.449 also that that my story is on the
977.369 Internet that internet that magic
979.47 mailbox which kicked my ass for so many
981.929 years instead of being a vehicle of
984.209 shame like it was for me when I’ll be a
985.679 vehicle of healing for myself and others
988.41 because it truly is that when we share
990.72 our hardships it moves us through shame
993.569 and into healing both for ourselves and
995.67 others
996.86 not long ago I received a text message
999.559 it read since our conversation I’ve been
1005.089 clean for three months I haven’t watched
1006.559 any porn I don’t remember the last time
1009.139 I was clean for a week I thanked him for
1012.799 sharing this with me because it feels
1014.959 really good when my story is not only
1017.839 accepted by someone but they find it
1019.399 useful it helps them he followed that up
1022.999 with another text message and he said
1024.529 I’ll never forget who got me started and
1027.26 I pinch myself when I hear these things
1029.36 because who got him started was someone
1031.88 who for so many years was so ashamed of
1034.189 this part of himself so ashamed of the
1037.579 porn addiction but one day I got so
1040.01 desperate that I asked for help and I
1041.839 was introduced to a community of people
1043.459 who shared their stories so freely
1045.589 and willingly with me and in the process
1048.38 taught me such an important message
1050.14 probably the most important message of
1052.34 all my story is not only something not
1055.64 to be ashamed of it might just be
1058.34 something to be proud of so I ask you
1063.32 here consider doing the same talk about
1066.74 porn addiction consider consider doing
1071.779 the same there is no one here who has
1074.809 not experienced shame there’s no one who
1078.2 has not overcome struggle and there’s no
1079.85 one who does not have a powerful story
1081.71 to share because I can tell you this
1085.429 from my own experience there’s no better
1087.62 feeling than turning top then turning
1089.33 shame upside down smashing it upside the
1091.669 head and using it as a way to help
1094.49 others my name is Ellie Nash I’m a porn
1100.1 addict and I want to thank you because
1104.27 there’s no better way I’ve found than
1107.0 this sharing my story in front of an
1109.159 accepting room accepting audience to hit
1120.279 or to give me the best chance of
1122.57 achieving my number one goal to never
1125.179 watch porn again thank you so much
1134.419 you
.