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La vidéo dure 00:23:29 secondes, porte le titre My Porn Addiction Is Destroying My Life et provient de [vid_author_name]. La description qui suit mérite également votre attention :« Ma dépendance porno détruit ma vie, envoyez à John vos questions. Laissez une messagerie vocale au 844-693-3291 ou envoyez un courriel à https://www.johndelony.com/show. Nous voulons vous parler! Apprenez à changer vos pensées, à changer vos comportements et à changer votre vie. Abonnez-vous au spectacle du Dr John Delony! https://www.youtube.com/c/johndelony?sub_confirmation=1 comme entendu dans cet épisode: – Betterhelp – https://bit.ly/3seobce – Dreamcloud – https://www.churchillmortmort.com/Delony-Thornne (25% de réduction sur les commandes) – https://www.thorne.com/u/delony obtenez le nouveau livre de John, possédez votre passé, changez votre avenir ici: https://bit.ly/3lmf076 Vous voulez un plan pour votre argent? Découvrez par où démarrer: https://bit.ly/3Cep4n6 Obtenez les questions de la conversation de John pour les humains: https://bit.ly/3wkym67 Twitter (@johndelony) Instagram (@johndelony) Facebook (Facebook.com/johnelony/). Le Dr. John Delony Show est un spectacle axé sur les appels qui offre aux vraies personnes une chance d’être entendus alors qu’ils luttent contre les problèmes relationnels et les défis de santé mentale. John vous donnera des conseils pratiques sur la façon de vous connecter avec les gens, comment faire le bon pas lorsque vous vous sentez paralysé et comment couper la dépression et l’anxiété qui peuvent être si écrasantes. Vous n’êtes pas seul dans cette bataille. Vous valez la peine d’être bien – et cela commence par vous concentrer sur ce que vous pouvez contrôler. Faites-nous savoir ce qui se passe en laissant une messagerie vocale au 844.693.3291 ou en visitant johndelony.com/show. Nous voulons vous parler! Ces plateformes contiennent du contenu, y compris des informations fournies par les invités, qui sont destinées à des fins d’information et de divertissement uniquement. Le contenu n’est pas destiné à remplacer ou à substituer à tout conseil médical, conseillant, thérapeutique, financier, juridique ou autre. Le groupe Lampo, LLC D / B / A Ramsey Solutions ainsi que ses sociétés affiliées et filiales (y compris leurs employés, agents et représentants respectifs) ne font aucune représentation ou garantie concernant le contenu et déclenchent expressément toute responsabilité concernant le contenu, y compris tout traitement ou action effectué par une personne qui suit les informations proposées ou fournies à travers ou à travers cette montre. Si vous avez des préoccupations spécifiques ou une situation dans laquelle vous avez besoin de conseils professionnels, vous devez consulter un expert et un spécialiste professionnel de manière appropriée et qualifiée. Si vous avez une urgence de santé ou de santé mentale, veuillez appeler le 9-1-1 immédiatement. Ramsey Solutions Politique de confidentialité https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/polices/privacy-policy – Produits: Construire une vie non anxante: https://store.ramseysolutions.com/personal-growth/books/building-a-non-anxious-life-by-dr-john-delony/?utm_medium=product_shelf&utm_source=youtube Questions pour les humains: couples: couples: couples: couples: couples: couples: couples: couples: couples: couples: couples: couples: couples: couples: couples: couples: couples: couples: couples: couples: Couples: https://store.ramseysolutions.com/personal-growth/conversation-cards/questions-for-humans-couples/?utm_medium=product_shelf&utm_source=youtube posséder votre passé, modifiez votre avenir: https://store.ramseysolutions.com/personal-growth/books/own-your-past-change-your-future-by-dr-john-delony/?utm_medium=product_shelf&utm_source=youtube 2025 Ramsey but Planner: https://store.ramseysolutions.com/personal-growth/books/ramsey-goal-planner/?utm_medium=product_shelf&utm_source=youtube Total Moneyingover: https://store.ramseysolutions.com/money/books/the-total-money-makeover-by-dave-ramsey/?utm_medium=product_shelf&utm_source=youtube Questions pour l’homme: amis: https://store.ramseysolutions.com/personal-growth/conversation-cards/questions-for-humans-friends/?utm_medium=product_shelf&utm_source=youtube Questions pour les humains: parents et enfants: https://store.ramseysolutions.com/personal-growth/conversation-cards/questions-for-humans-parents-and-kids/?utm_medium=product_shelf&utm_source=youtube bebs étapes millionnaires: https://store.ramseysolutions.com/money/books/baby-tepss-millionaires/?utm_medium=product_shelf&utm_source=youtube obtenir une évaluation claire: https://store.ramseysolutions.com/business-and-career/books/get-clear-career-esssment-by-ken-colleman/?utm_medium=product_shelf&utm_source=youtube (tagstotranslate) John DeLony ».

YouTube est un excellent espace pour découvrir des vidéos touchant une grande variété de sujets, allant de la culture à des réflexions personnelles, tout en assurant que chaque utilisateur puisse interagir dans un cadre respectueux et sûr.

Organiser des étapes concrètes pour reprendre le contrôle de ses habitudes

Créer un milieu favorable à la régénération

Limiter l’accès aux sites pornographiques à l’aide d’extensions de navigateur ou d’applications de contrôle parental est une stratégie de protection. En parallèle, intégrer des activités constructives dans son quotidien peut aider à canaliser les pulsions.

Développer des méthodes pour contrôler les désirs

L’apprentissage de la gestion des déclencheurs est primordial. Des approches comme la TCC, l’intégration d’habitudes positives et le recours à un soutien extérieur peuvent être très bénéfiques.

Adopter des objectifs simples et réalisables

Un plan de sevrage réussi repose sur des objectifs concrets, comme la réduction progressive de la consommation de contenu pornographique. Il est important de comprendre les causes de l’addiction et de visualiser les bénéfices futurs du changement.

Faire le point sur l’addiction à la pornographie

Évaluer les ressorts psychologiques à l’origine des comportements

Des mécanismes de plaisir cérébral, associés à la dopamine, expliquent pourquoi la consommation de pornographie devient une addiction, aggravant les pensées négatives et le sentiment de perte de contrôle.

Analyser les comportements liés à la dépendance

La dépendance à la pornographie, marquée par une consommation répétitive, engendre fréquemment des conflits personnels et des difficultés au quotidien.

Mesurer l’influence du porno sur les relations et les obligations quotidiennes

L’addiction compromet des éléments clés de la vie, comme les relations sexuelles, la confiance en soi et la profondeur des liens affectifs. Le recours excessif au porno peut encourager une dépendance émotionnelle à ces médias

Examiner les diverses sources d’aide à disposition

Consulter un thérapeute spécialisé en santé mentale

Faire appel à un psychologue spécialisé en dépendances comportementales, tel un praticien de la TCC, permet d’analyser les racines du problème et de recevoir un accompagnement adéquat.

Exploiter des applications et outils numériques pour suivre sa progression

Certaines applications et outils numériques permettent de suivre les avancées, d’envoyer des rappels encourageants et de cultiver des habitudes positives pour réduire la consommation de pornographie.

Se joindre à des groupes d’entraide

Les groupes de soutien permettent aux individus de se confier, de découvrir des stratégies de rétablissement efficaces et de s’entraider dans leur processus de guérison.

Transformer son identité en se libérant de la consommation de pornographie

Construire une vie plus responsable grâce à des choix réfléchis

Prendre du temps pour des pratiques comme le yoga ou la méditation renforce l’harmonie corps-esprit et permet de mieux gérer les désirs compulsifs

Créer des relations équilibrées améliore la qualité de vie

Des relations réelles avec un partenaire favorisent l’épanouissement sexuel en dehors de la consommation de contenu pornographique

Adopter une approche éthique de la sexualité

Adopter une sexualité éthique permet de bâtir des relations fondées sur la confiance, le respect et le consentement L’arrêt de la pornographie représente un défi complexe qui nécessite de la conscience, des stratégies et un accompagnement. En identifiant les causes profondes et en s’engageant dans un processus structuré, il est possible de se réapproprier sa vie et de découvrir une sexualité plus épanouie. Rechercher des solutions adaptées est essentiel pour sortir du cycle de dépendanceen accord avec ce spécialiste de la chasteté masculine.

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#dépendance #porno #détruit #vie

Retranscription des paroles de la vidéo: foreign Joseph in Las Vegas what’s up Joseph hey Dr John how you doing good my brother what are you doing man uh nothing much man just started college about a month ago um kind of getting my life together if that’s the best way to describe it hey if you if you if you figure out how to get your life together in your first semester of college you were way ahead of the game man I didn’t know what day it was until like my junior year good for you dude that’s funny yeah I’m trying to get my life together as of right now it hasn’t really been easy I’ll just say that you know tell me about it tell me about it yeah well I I’ve got some issues going on and I I think that they need to really be addressed because this is really stealing my life and it’s really stealing my hopes for the future and and I don’t I I think if this isn’t this problem isn’t addressed with me I really I I really think I’m gonna have a hard time making it through adult life and trying to become a man because you know how old are you the way I’m going oh I just turned 18 about a month ago okay I don’t I don’t know what you’re about to tell me but I don’t want you to give up on yourself right now okay I want to start this conversation with a sense of optimism not a sense of if I don’t it’s all over because you’re 18 man okay yeah is that cool yeah I understand what you’re saying I hear you and I also know that whatever you’re working through right now feels like it’s weighing you down so let’s get into it man what what’s going on in your life yeah so ever since elementary school I’ve always had this struggle talking to women and you know it and I feel like none of them have ever liked me it’s like if any ever did try to talk to me I feel like it was just you know to um to just to I would say not to I would always say brush me on but like to kind of just play with me like funny kind of to make fun of me if that’s a better word to use and I struggled with this all through elementary school and all through middle school and pretty much all through high school I see other guys who you know who are you know who who I wouldn’t say they had girlfriends I mean I’d say they were much better than me and they they were they had the opportunity have a better social life to hang out and I I feel like you know I and then this is might sound typical to most people but to me it’s a big struggle and I’ll tell you why because it led me down a passive addiction that I I I really I I really wish I would have never started I’d say that it’s it’s like a cigarette and I got into the addiction of pornography and masturbation and I became super heavily addicted and I still am was like masturbating like 30 times a day and it’s really bad and I don’t laugh when I say it because it to me it’s not a laughing matter no it’s hell dude it’s hell it’s hell it’s like a cigarette it’s way worse than a cigarette it’s way worse than a cigarette man okay you don’t have to justify it to me it’s uh 30 times like yeah you’re a full-blown addict man and that’s hell um yeah so I’m not laughing at all with you okay yeah and so yeah thank you John and then so it was and then what’s worse about it is that I I feel I I feel lost I I feel angry I feel I feel lonely and then my mom didn’t allow me to get my driver’s license till I was 18 which was this last year and so when I would see all these people that had a much better I would say life and I was had no job I had no uh I had no car I I really really felt miserable like I felt really really miserable and depressed and what’s worse even worse is that even till now when I have all the opportunity to pick up more work and to you know control my finances and control I I feel like that scar of the last eight years of my life sticks with me because it’s kind of like I got out of high school and I’m like I wouldn’t say what now but I’d say more like you know like it’s it’s just a big ball of confusion and then dealing with this addiction it’s it’s it’s just I feel like that’s what’s made it hard to move out and you know not move out but uh move on from it and try to get away from it and it this pornography addiction led me down severe it led me down a really really severe path of insanity not only in my addiction but in my mental health and in the way I view things and the way I spend money and then the way I’ve I so far because of my addiction I’ve lost over I’d say about three thousand dollars in shavings that I was supposed to use for adulthood I spent it on uh spent it on supporting my addiction supporting my laziness supporting all of this and so it it just really has not been good and it and I want to be honest with you John because you’re a doctor and you know you’re you’re a therapist it led me down uh very hard it led me down a path of a different type of pornography that is not that is not who I am that the I did that type of pornography just because I was so desperate and felt very alone and I still do feel very alone till this day like he feels like every day is a good Friday to me you know and and I tried to go see a therapist and you know usually therapists are supposed to help you but I felt like this guy reasoned more with what I was doing then recognizing that it was a problem and helping me switch So eventually I stopped going I mean he was a nice guy but I really didn’t feel like that was like he was helping much and I was okay okay hold on stop okay I got the gist of it um are you involved in child pornography um no um it’s a diff uh if you want I can tell you which type yeah um well I started with straight pornography but then I would go on this uh video cam website and I would masturbate with other men okay yeah and that was the type that I was doing and it goes completely against my values as you know as a Catholic as a Christian it goes completely against my values as a man as a as a Christian as as a person who goes and participates in the Eucharist every week it feels wrong okay okay okay okay okay okay okay yeah all right um do me a huge favor yes take a deeper breath as humanly possible that you could the biggest breath you can feel in your lungs and hold it for five seconds a count of five one two three four blow it out as hard as you can okay now thank you for being brave and for saying stuff out loud that you’ve probably never said out loud before never what you’ve just done is hard okay and you’re gonna feel particularly vulnerable and particularly exposed as though you were Buck Naked you just threw the windows open um in front of a group a huge group of people okay I want you to sit in that discomfort for a second because you’re also going to find that’s where the healing starts okay yeah right now your mom ran a pretty tight ship didn’t she yeah and you were a trophy correct correct and she shined the trophy up to make sure everybody in her world could see how shiny you were right correct and she protected you from yourself because you weren’t to be trusted right I’m sorry that you were set off on that Adventure because you were a kid and you instead of being taught how to trust yourself and that you were lovely and worth being loved and that what you felt and thought mattered you were told you’re gross you have issues that only I can solve for you and suddenly what emerged from that that soil that she created for you is a guy that doesn’t like himself and it looks at every other person who interacts with him as you’ve created stories and put them in other people’s heads and actions that they are acting towards you in a certain way because they’re having fun at your expense That’s how little you think of yourself Fair correct I’d say that’s Joseph you don’t suck you’re not a loser okay cool absolutely in it I’m sitting here pretty fired up that your mom never told you that where was your where was your old man doing all this so we have a kind of kind of crazy family story we almost lost our house in 2008 2009 my mom had over a hundred and twenty thousand dollars in credit card debt that she eventually paid off this took about us about seven years to get done I know but where’s your dad my dad was working him most of the time you know becoming gazelle intense so I didn’t really have him that much in my life at a very young age he didn’t really come in much until about I was about 11 or 12 or really I wouldn’t say until I was about 13 14. okay so he was absent for some of the most important moments of your life correct No hugs from Dad no dad doing bad times no dad grabbing you by the face and saying hey by the way I won the cosmic Lottery getting you as my son none of that none of that it was it was very tough period okay so here’s what I want to tell you we’ll get to the negativity part because you are um destroying yourself and you know that so I’m not going to be like your former therapist and try to talk you into making peace with yourself you have a behavior that you want to change I’m here for you okay exactly but how we ended up here is very common and very normal that’s how I can hear two sentences about how what your mom said and peel back the entire story because I’ve heard it ten thousand times okay correct so let me ask you what does pornography bring you it honestly it brings me temporary pleasure but it doesn’t bring me fulfillment hey don’t try to take don’t take the back end of it off what does pornography get you it brings me uh satisfaction brings me uh it brings me a sense of of love it kind of fulfills what a girlfriend is supposed to do but since I can’t get that I I use this nope nope nope nope see here’s where you’re wrong okay I want to change all that right now it isn’t substituting for what a girlfriend would bring you that’s a false narrative what it does is it makes you feel like you think you would feel if you had a girlfriend this is about you not some external person yeah I understand that it makes you feel like finally this is what it would feel like to be loved to be intimate with somebody that’s exactly what I feel yeah and then you end up with a bunch of people in a live webcam actually telling you you’re beautiful keep doing this you are bringing me pleasure and you think that you don’t have that ability and so you like that feeling even though you don’t like where you are and what you’re doing correct that’s very true fair oh it’s very true you hit it spot on okay here’s why that’s important because you have to identify what pornography brings you because we’re going to meet those needs elsewhere okay not going out and finding sex because this isn’t about sex this is about a kid who hates himself correct and hates the world that has been created for him and I say that intentionally because just until recently you were a child okay and I know you’ve been 16 and 17 having no dad you’ve had to grow up quick having a mom who went off the rails um you had to grow up quick but you were a child okay yeah and so here’s what we’re going to do to walk out of this thing okay and um today’s first conversation is a huge start okay absolutely number one I’m going to give you uh one two three four I’m gonna give you five things okay and here’s what I’m gonna do because I know this is torturing you right now we’re gonna clip this call and it won’t the show won’t come out for you know a month or so I’m gonna clip this call and send it to you today or tomorrow okay unedited all right because I want you to have these five things and I want you to play on Loop you are not a bad kid got it absolutely none of this hap there is no healing here if you keep telling Joseph that Joseph sucks that’s like looking at a wound that a surgeon’s just stitched up and you cut it open again and you cut it open again we have to start from a place of Joseph’s a kid that went through a lot of nonsense and then found himself over his head as a child and now as an adult he’s trying to dig himself out okay that’s a totally different proposition then I got about 24 months left and I’m eternally ruined because that’s not true okay it’s not true and this is a I’m in my 40s dude I’m double double your life right yeah I’ve had multiple ups and downs over my heads what do I do now right and there’s light at the end of almost every tunnel all right so here’s what we’re gonna do first and this is an exercise between you and probably a counselor or somebody you trust who’s an older probably an older man but here’s the question we’re going to ask ourselves who are we going to become okay right now you’re trying to quit porn and you can White Knuckle it and you can scratch and Claw and get 24 hours and get 48 hours and get 72 hours and then you’re right back in it because your energy is focused on not doing a thing okay instead I want you to think who am I going to become who do I want to be what kind of adult do I want to be I’m not going to be that kind of dad who disappears on his kid for a decade I’m not gonna be that kind of mom who imprisons her children and says it’s for their own good right I’m I’m gonna become this and then we’re going to start reverse engineering behaviors that help us become that I’m a guy that stewards his body that means I exercise that means I I don’t eat the cereal bar in the cafeteria every single morning and I don’t grab ice cream every time I walk out even though it’s unlimited I Love College cafeterias and I’m gonna use the gym a couple of times a week and I’m not going to masturbate 30 times a day you see what I’m saying like this is all wrapped up in I’m a guy that takes care of his body I’m a guy that takes care of his mind okay second thing is we’re gonna trigger we’re gonna identify triggers trigger identification what makes what sets you off looking at hot attractive girls on Instagram okay then Instagram is deleted 30 seconds after this phone call is over got it yeah because you are choosing to enter into a fantasy that you can’t control this is you not going to bars anymore because you’re an alcoholic right this is you taking all the booze in your house and pouring it down the sink because you’re an alcoholic you’re gonna delete all of the apps all everything off your phone and if you got to go to a flip phone just for six months go to a flip phone for six months got it correct okay that leads me to number three hurdles in roadblocks you have to intentionally put things in front of you that make access to your addiction hard make it challenging and by the way I also don’t believe you fully yes seeing hot girls on Instagram cool that lights your brain up like a Christmas tree awesome but I’m willing to bet that when you feel rejected or you feel exhausted but you can’t sleep when you feel wound up on the inside out when your body feels anxious masturbation is a release Fair it is okay yes whenever you start feeling like I suck I don’t like my major I don’t know what I’m doing mom’s calling and Dad’s texting you can go to another Universe where you are a completely different guy that you can Captivate 15 men around a cam a webcam you can Captivate Captivate three women who are imaginary you see what I’m saying exactly it’s when you feel powerless so yes looking at pretty women uh you’re on a college campus for God’s sake dude there’s gonna be beautiful women everywhere it’s more than that it’s when you feel less than exactly here’s the moment though you’re gonna put roadblocks in there because the rest of your life you’ll have moments of feeling less than I wrote two dissertations one of which is now required reading in on the topic that I wrote on I’ve written one best-selling book followed by a number one best-selling book after that and I sat down to write a new book recently in the first 30 pages I wrote I just looked at it and said I’m a loser and I don’t know what I’m doing what an absolute scam I’m running here I beat myself up for a long time why do I tell you that you’re gonna have seasons of less than for the rest of your life it’s just called life and you’re gonna have to have some roadblocks until you get control of the addiction okay correct Fair share here’s the uh here’s the last one I’ll wrap it up with four this is a huge start because you you have admitted this in front of what will be millions of people okay yes shame eats secrets for breakfast it’s one of my favorite brene Brown quotes and shame is the thing that keeps you walking around thinking you’re less than that you’re broken deficient that you suck that you’re a loser you’re gross okay correct the one antidote to shame that I think trumps every other antidote is saying out loud here’s who I am to other people and so whether you find an essay Group which I know they have in Vegas uh sexual sexaholics Anonymous just a group of men and women who get together and speak openly here’s what I’ve been struggling with and when you sit in a circle of 15 or 20 men or women some are 30 years older than you some are 10 years younger than you and you say I masturbate 30 times a day and I can’t stop you’ll see a room full of people all nod and go yeah we’ve been there man and suddenly your body completely relaxes because you’re not all alone you’re not the psychopath loser that you think you are okay correct you have to this isn’t a I want to strongly recommend you have to have other people in your life that you are regularly telling the truth to okay exactly is that fair that’s very fair let me let me be even clearer you cannot do this by yourself this ends in ashes if you don’t exactly you were really really close if you haven’t already you are razor thin close to meetups exactly okay correct Fair yes and you’ve probably gotten pretty dang close already absolutely okay take another breath and exhale real quick here’s my promise to you I’ll walk alongside you the whole way okay thank you so much John tell me how you feel what does your body feel right now after hearing that and taking that all in it I kind of feel like a big uh I would say like a rock was taken off my back that’s been hunching me over for a long time you know it feels like you know that knowing what you said it opens my mind that you know there is that I’m not alone there’s a big there’s always a brighter future and that that there’s nothing that’s ever impossible but it takes some effort and it takes some work on you know on the victim’s part you know well it’s on the victim’s part and you played a role in it right exactly and you were a kid so now we’re doing adult things I don’t hold children responsible almost almost never because they’re kids okay you’re an adult sometimes afterwards we have to respond to kids actions right but they’re children um you’re you’re gonna have to make adult decisions now so here’s where you found yourself and now we gotta we gotta take um a right turn maybe Vegas isn’t the right Community for you maybe I don’t know um maybe your group of friends isn’t the right group of friends but before this day is over every app is off your phone or you’ve just gone down to at T or T-Mobile or Cricket or whoever you use and you’re getting a flip phone that you can’t access before this day is over you’ve looked up and contacted and made it and put on your calendar that you’re going to the next essay meeting there’s probably one tonight this evening in your local community I guarantee you there’s one tomorrow morning and we’re gonna go and we’re going to tell the truth in your counselor your previous counselor sucked sorry find another one it’s not an excuse to not do the work and let me be real real clear this is gonna be hard and you’re gonna have days where you fail miserably okay cool Shake It Off we’re on to the next because we’re gonna practice this new identity as we move forward we’re going to practice it I’m this kind of I’m the kind of guy who I’m the kind of guy who I’m the kind of guy who and then one day you’re gonna meet somebody and you have to sit down to explain to them dude I was a full-blown addict you jerked off 30 times a day yep yeah I had a problem and you’re gonna feel nervous they may leave you but we’re gonna be honest we’re gonna be honest we’re gonna be honest because you’re worth being honest hang on the line Joseph I’ma send you a copy of own your past change your future I want you to read it and cover to cover and then shoot me a direct message and let me know what you think and anytime you want to call and be on the show I’m here for you okay I’m grateful for your for your bravery and your honesty there are brighter days ahead my brother .

Déroulement de la vidéo:

0.179 foreign
0.179 Joseph in Las Vegas what&;s up Joseph
0.179 hey Dr John how you doing good my
0.179 brother what are you doing man
0.179 uh nothing much man just started college
0.179 about a month ago
0.179 um kind of getting my life together if
0.179 that&;s the best way to describe it hey
0.179 if you if you if you figure out how to
0.179 get your life together in your first
0.179 semester of college you were way ahead
0.179 of the game man I didn&;t know what day
0.179 it was until like my junior year good
0.179 for you dude that&;s funny yeah I&;m
0.179 trying to get my life together as of
0.179 right now it hasn&;t really been easy
0.179 I&;ll just say that you know tell me
0.179 about it tell me about it yeah well I
0.179 I&;ve got some issues going on and I I
0.179 think that they need to really be
0.179 addressed because this is really
0.179 stealing my life and it&;s really
0.179 stealing
0.179 my hopes for the future and and I don&;t
0.179 I I think if this isn&;t this problem
0.179 isn&;t addressed with me
0.179 I really I I really think I&;m gonna have
0.179 a hard time making it through adult life
0.179 and trying to
0.179 become a man because you know how old
0.179 are you the way I&;m going oh I just
0.179 turned 18 about a month ago okay I don&;t
0.179 I don&;t know what you&;re about to tell
0.179 me
0.179 but I don&;t want you to give up on
0.179 yourself right now
0.179 okay I want to start this conversation
0.179 with a sense of optimism not a sense of
0.179 if I don&;t it&;s all over because you&;re
0.179 18 man okay
0.179 yeah is that cool
0.179 yeah I understand what you&;re saying I
0.179 hear you and I also know that whatever
0.179 you&;re working through right now feels
0.179 like it&;s weighing you down so let&;s get
0.179 into it man what what&;s going on in your
0.179 life yeah so ever since elementary
0.179 school I&;ve always had this struggle
0.179 talking to women and you know it and I
0.179 feel like none of them have ever liked
0.179 me it&;s like if any ever did try to talk
0.179 to me
0.179 I feel like it was just you know to um
0.179 to just to I would say not to I would
0.179 always say brush me on but like to kind
0.179 of just play with me like funny kind of
0.179 to make fun of me if that&;s a better
0.179 word to use and I struggled with this
0.179 all through elementary school and all
0.179 through middle school and pretty much
0.179 all through high school I see other guys
0.179 who you know who are you know who who I
0.179 wouldn&;t say they had girlfriends I mean
0.179 I&;d say they were much better than me
0.179 and they they were they had the
0.179 opportunity
0.179 have a better social life to hang out
0.179 and I I feel like you know I and then
0.179 this is might sound typical to most
0.179 people but to me it&;s a big struggle and
0.179 I&;ll tell you why because it led me down
0.179 a passive addiction that I I I really
0.179 I I really wish I would have never
0.179 started I&;d say that it&;s it&;s like a
0.179 cigarette and I got into the addiction
0.179 of pornography and masturbation and I
0.179 became super heavily addicted and I
0.179 still am was like masturbating like 30
0.179 times a day and it&;s really bad and I
0.179 don&;t laugh when I say it because it to
0.179 me it&;s not a laughing matter no it&;s
0.179 hell dude it&;s hell it&;s hell it&;s like
0.179 a cigarette it&;s way worse than a
0.179 cigarette it&;s way worse than a
0.179 cigarette man okay you don&;t have to
0.179 justify it to me it&;s uh 30 times like
0.179 yeah you&;re a full-blown addict man and
0.179 that&;s hell
0.179 um
0.179 yeah so I&;m not laughing at all with you
0.179 okay yeah and so yeah thank you John and
0.179 then so it was and then what&;s worse
0.179 about it is that I I feel I I feel lost
0.179 I I feel angry I feel I feel lonely and
0.179 then my mom didn&;t allow me to get my
0.179 driver&;s license till I was
0.179 18 which was this last year and so when
0.179 I would see all these people that had a
0.179 much better I would say life and I was
0.179 had no job I had no uh I had no car I I
0.179 really really felt miserable like I felt
0.179 really really
0.179 miserable and depressed and what&;s worse
0.179 even worse is that even till now when I
0.179 have all the opportunity to pick up more
0.179 work and to you know control my finances
0.179 and control
0.179 I I feel like that scar of the last
0.179 eight years of my life
0.179 sticks with me because it&;s kind of like
0.179 I got out of high school and I&;m like
0.179 I wouldn&;t say what now but I&;d say more
0.179 like you know
0.179 like it&;s it&;s just a big ball of
0.179 confusion and then dealing with this
0.179 addiction it&;s it&;s it&;s just I feel
0.179 like that&;s what&;s made it hard to move
0.179 out and you know not move out but uh
0.179 move on
0.179 from it and try to get away from it and
0.179 it this pornography addiction led me
0.179 down
0.179 severe it led me down a really really
0.179 severe path of insanity not only in my
0.179 addiction but in my mental health and in
0.179 the way I view things and the way I
0.179 spend money and then the way I&;ve I so
0.179 far because of my addiction I&;ve lost
0.179 over I&;d say about three thousand
0.179 dollars in
0.179 shavings that I was supposed to use for
0.179 adulthood I spent it on uh
0.179 spent it on supporting my addiction
0.179 supporting my laziness supporting all of
0.179 this and so it it just really has not
0.179 been good and it and I want to be honest
0.179 with you John because you&;re a doctor
0.179 and you know you&;re you&;re a therapist
0.179 it led me down uh
0.179 very hard it led me down a path of a
0.179 different type of pornography that is
0.179 not that is not who I am
0.179 that the I did that type of pornography
0.179 just
0.179 because I was so desperate and felt very
0.179 alone and I still do feel very alone
0.179 till this day like he feels like every
0.179 day is a good Friday to me you know and
0.179 and I tried to go see a therapist and
0.179 you know usually therapists are supposed
0.179 to help you but I felt like this guy
0.179 reasoned more with what I was doing
0.179 then recognizing that it was a problem
0.179 and helping me switch So eventually I
0.179 stopped going I mean he was a nice guy
0.179 but I really didn&;t feel like that was
0.179 like he was helping much and I was okay
0.179 okay hold on stop
0.179 okay I got the gist of it
0.179 um
0.179 are you involved in child pornography
0.179 um no
0.179 um it&;s a diff uh if you want I can tell
0.179 you which type yeah
0.179 um well I started with straight
0.179 pornography but then I would go on this
0.179 uh video cam website and I would
0.179 masturbate with other men okay
0.179 yeah and that was the type that I was
0.179 doing and it goes completely against my
0.179 values as you know as a Catholic as a
0.179 Christian it goes completely against my
0.179 values as a man as a as a Christian as
0.179 as a person who goes and participates in
0.179 the Eucharist every week it feels wrong
0.179 okay okay okay okay okay okay okay
0.179 yeah all right
0.179 um
0.179 do me a huge favor
0.179 yes take a deeper breath as humanly
0.179 possible that you could the biggest
0.179 breath you can feel in your lungs and
0.179 hold it for five seconds a count of five
0.179 one two three
0.179 four
0.179 blow it out as hard as you can
0.179 okay
0.179 now
0.179 thank you for being brave and for saying
0.179 stuff out loud that you&;ve probably
0.179 never said out loud before
0.179 never what you&;ve just done is hard okay
0.179 and you&;re gonna feel particularly
0.179 vulnerable and particularly exposed as
0.179 though you were Buck Naked you just
0.179 threw the windows open
0.179 um in front of a group a huge group of
0.179 people okay
0.179 I want you to sit in that discomfort for
0.179 a second because you&;re also going to
0.179 find that&;s where the healing starts
0.179 okay
0.179 yeah right now
0.179 your mom ran a pretty tight ship didn&;t
0.179 she
0.179 yeah
0.179 and you were a trophy correct
0.179 correct and she shined the trophy up
0.179 to make sure everybody in her world
0.179 could see how shiny you were right
0.179 correct and she protected you from
0.179 yourself because you weren&;t to be
0.179 trusted right
0.179 I&;m sorry that you were
0.179 set off
0.179 on that Adventure because you were a kid
0.179 and you instead of being taught how to
0.179 trust yourself and that you were lovely
0.179 and worth being loved and that what you
0.179 felt and thought mattered you were told
0.179 you&;re gross you have issues that only I
0.179 can solve for you
0.179 and suddenly what emerged from that that
0.179 soil that she created for you
0.179 is a guy that doesn&;t like himself and
0.179 it looks at every other person who
0.179 interacts with him as you&;ve created
0.179 stories and put them in other people&;s
0.179 heads and actions that they are acting
0.179 towards you in a certain way because
0.179 they&;re having fun at your expense
0.179 That&;s how little you think of yourself
0.179 Fair
0.179 correct I&;d say that&;s Joseph you don&;t
0.179 suck you&;re not a loser
0.179 okay
0.179 cool
0.179 absolutely
0.179 in it I&;m sitting here pretty fired up
0.179 that your mom never told you that where
0.179 was your where was your old man doing
0.179 all this
0.179 so we have a kind of kind of crazy
0.179 family story we almost lost our house in
0.179 2008 2009 my mom had over a hundred and
0.179 twenty thousand dollars in credit card
0.179 debt that she eventually paid off this
0.179 took about us about seven years to get
0.179 done I know but where&;s your dad
0.179 my dad was working him most of the time
0.179 you know becoming gazelle intense so I
0.179 didn&;t really have him that much in my
0.179 life at a very young age he didn&;t
0.179 really come in much until about I was
0.179 about 11 or 12 or really I wouldn&;t say
0.179 until I was about 13 14. okay so he was
0.179 absent for some of the most important
0.179 moments of your life
0.179 correct
0.179 No hugs from Dad no dad doing bad times
0.179 no dad grabbing you by the face and
0.179 saying hey by the way I won the cosmic
0.179 Lottery getting you as my son none of
0.179 that
0.179 none of that it was it was very tough
0.179 period
0.179 okay
0.179 so here&;s what I want to tell you
0.179 we&;ll get to the negativity part
0.179 because you are um destroying yourself
0.179 and you know that so I&;m not going to be
0.179 like your former therapist and try to
0.179 talk you into making peace with yourself
0.179 you have a behavior that you want to
0.179 change I&;m here for you okay exactly but
0.179 how we ended up here is very common and
0.179 very normal
0.179 that&;s how I can hear two sentences
0.179 about how what your mom said and peel
0.179 back the entire story because I&;ve heard
0.179 it ten thousand times okay correct so
0.179 let me ask you what does pornography
0.179 bring you
0.179 it honestly it brings me temporary
0.179 pleasure but it doesn&;t bring me
0.179 fulfillment hey don&;t try to take don&;t
0.179 take the back end of it off what does
0.179 pornography get you
0.179 it brings me uh satisfaction brings me
0.179 uh
0.179 it brings me a sense of of love it kind
0.179 of fulfills what a girlfriend is
0.179 supposed to do but since I can&;t get
0.179 that I I use this nope nope nope nope
0.179 see here&;s where you&;re wrong okay I
0.179 want to change all that right now
0.179 it isn&;t substituting for what a
0.179 girlfriend would bring you that&;s a
0.179 false narrative
0.179 what it does is it makes you feel like
0.179 you think you would feel if you had a
0.179 girlfriend this is about you not some
0.179 external person
0.179 yeah I understand that it makes you feel
0.179 like finally
0.179 this is what it would feel like to be
0.179 loved to be intimate with somebody
0.179 that&;s exactly what I feel yeah and then
0.179 you end up with a bunch of people in a
0.179 live webcam actually telling you
0.179 you&;re beautiful keep doing this you are
0.179 bringing me pleasure and you think that
0.179 you don&;t have that ability and so you
0.179 like that feeling even though you don&;t
0.179 like where you are and what you&;re doing
0.179 correct that&;s very true fair oh it&;s
0.179 very true you hit it spot on okay
0.179 here&;s why that&;s important because you
0.179 have to identify what pornography brings
0.179 you
0.179 because we&;re going to meet those needs
0.179 elsewhere okay
0.179 not going out and finding sex because
0.179 this isn&;t about sex this is about a kid
0.179 who hates himself
0.179 correct and hates the world that has
0.179 been created for him and I say that
0.179 intentionally because just until
0.179 recently you were a child
0.179 okay and I know you&;ve been 16 and 17
0.179 having no dad you&;ve had to grow up
0.179 quick having a mom who went off the
0.179 rails
0.179 um you had to grow up quick but you were
0.179 a child okay
0.179 yeah and so
0.179 here&;s what we&;re going to do to walk
0.179 out of this thing okay
0.179 and
0.179 um today&;s first conversation is a huge
0.179 start okay
0.179 absolutely
0.179 number one I&;m going to give you uh one
0.179 two three four I&;m gonna give you five
0.179 things okay
0.179 and here&;s what I&;m gonna do because I
0.179 know this is torturing you right now
0.179 we&;re gonna clip this call and it won&;t
0.179 the show won&;t come out for you know a
0.179 month or so I&;m gonna clip this call and
0.179 send it to you today or tomorrow okay
0.179 unedited all right because I want you to
0.179 have these five things and I want you to
0.179 play on Loop you are not a bad kid
0.179 got it absolutely none of this hap there
0.179 is no healing here
0.179 if you keep telling Joseph that Joseph
0.179 sucks
0.179 that&;s like looking at a wound that a
0.179 surgeon&;s just stitched up and you cut
0.179 it open again and you cut it open again
0.179 we have to start from a place of
0.179 Joseph&;s a kid that went through a lot
0.179 of nonsense and then found himself over
0.179 his head as a child and now as an adult
0.179 he&;s trying to dig himself out okay
0.179 that&;s a totally different proposition
0.179 then I got about 24 months left and I&;m
0.179 eternally ruined
0.179 because that&;s not true okay it&;s not
0.179 true and this is a I&;m in my 40s dude
0.179 I&;m double double your life right yeah
0.179 I&;ve had multiple ups and downs over my
0.179 heads what do I do now right and there&;s
0.179 light at the end of almost every tunnel
0.179 all right so here&;s what we&;re gonna do
0.179 first and this is an exercise between
0.179 you and probably a counselor
0.179 or somebody you trust who&;s an older
0.179 probably an older man
0.179 but here&;s the question we&;re going to
0.179 ask ourselves who are we going to become
0.179 okay right now you&;re trying to quit
0.179 porn
0.179 and you can White Knuckle it and you can
0.179 scratch and Claw and get 24 hours and
0.179 get 48 hours and get 72 hours and then
0.179 you&;re right back in it
0.179 because your energy is focused on not
0.179 doing a thing
0.179 okay
0.179 instead I want you to think who am I
0.179 going to become
0.179 who do I want to be what kind of adult
0.179 do I want to be I&;m not going to be that
0.179 kind of dad who disappears on his kid
0.179 for a decade I&;m not gonna be that kind
0.179 of mom who imprisons her children and
0.179 says it&;s for their own good right I&;m
0.179 I&;m gonna become this and then we&;re
0.179 going to start reverse engineering
0.179 behaviors that help us become that I&;m a
0.179 guy that stewards his body
0.179 that means I exercise that means I I
0.179 don&;t eat the cereal bar in the
0.179 cafeteria every single morning and I
0.179 don&;t grab ice cream every time I walk
0.179 out even though it&;s unlimited I Love
0.179 College cafeterias
0.179 and I&;m gonna use the gym
0.179 a couple of times a week and I&;m not
0.179 going to masturbate 30 times a day
0.179 you see what I&;m saying like this is all
0.179 wrapped up in I&;m a guy that takes care
0.179 of his body I&;m a guy that takes care of
0.179 his mind okay second thing is we&;re
0.179 gonna trigger we&;re gonna identify
0.179 triggers trigger identification what
0.179 makes what sets you off
0.179 looking at hot attractive girls on
0.179 Instagram okay then Instagram is deleted
0.179 30 seconds after this phone call is over
0.179 got it
0.179 yeah because you are choosing to enter
0.179 into a fantasy
0.179 that you can&;t control this is you not
0.179 going to bars anymore
0.179 because you&;re an alcoholic right this
0.179 is you taking all the booze in your
0.179 house and pouring it down the sink
0.179 because you&;re an alcoholic
0.179 you&;re gonna delete all of the apps all
0.179 everything off your phone and if you got
0.179 to go to a flip phone just for six
0.179 months go to a flip phone for six months
0.179 got it correct okay that leads me to
0.179 number three hurdles in roadblocks you
0.179 have to intentionally put things in
0.179 front of you that make access to your
0.179 addiction hard make it challenging and
0.179 by the way I also don&;t believe you
0.179 fully yes seeing hot girls on Instagram
0.179 cool that lights your brain up like a
0.179 Christmas tree awesome but I&;m willing
0.179 to bet that when you feel rejected
0.179 or you feel exhausted but you can&;t
0.179 sleep when you feel wound up on the
0.179 inside out when your body feels anxious
0.179 masturbation is a release Fair
0.179 it is okay yes whenever you start
0.179 feeling like I suck I don&;t like my
0.179 major I don&;t know what I&;m doing mom&;s
0.179 calling and Dad&;s texting
0.179 you can go to another Universe where you
0.179 are a completely different guy that you
0.179 can Captivate 15 men around a cam a
0.179 webcam you can Captivate Captivate three
0.179 women
0.179 who are imaginary you see what I&;m
0.179 saying exactly it&;s when you feel
0.179 powerless so yes looking at pretty women
0.179 uh you&;re on a college campus for God&;s
0.179 sake dude there&;s gonna be beautiful
0.179 women everywhere
0.179 it&;s more than that it&;s when you feel
0.179 less than
0.179 exactly here&;s the moment though you&;re
0.179 gonna put roadblocks in there because
0.179 the rest of your life you&;ll have
0.179 moments of feeling less than I wrote two
0.179 dissertations one of which is now
0.179 required reading in on the topic that I
0.179 wrote on I&;ve written one best-selling
0.179 book followed by a number one
0.179 best-selling book after that and I sat
0.179 down to write a new book recently in the
0.179 first 30 pages I wrote I just looked at
0.179 it and said I&;m a loser and I don&;t know
0.179 what I&;m doing
0.179 what an absolute scam I&;m running here I
0.179 beat myself up for a long time
0.179 why do I tell you that you&;re gonna have
0.179 seasons of less than for the rest of
0.179 your life it&;s just called life and
0.179 you&;re gonna have to have some
0.179 roadblocks until you get control of the
0.179 addiction okay correct Fair
0.179 share
0.179 here&;s the uh here&;s the last one I&;ll
0.179 wrap it up with four
0.179 this is a huge start because you you
0.179 have admitted this in front of what will
0.179 be millions of people okay
0.179 yes
0.179 shame eats secrets for breakfast it&;s
0.179 one of my favorite brene Brown quotes
0.179 and shame is the thing that keeps you
0.179 walking around thinking you&;re less than
0.179 that you&;re broken deficient that you
0.179 suck that you&;re a loser you&;re gross
0.179 okay
0.179 correct the one antidote to shame that I
0.179 think trumps every other antidote
0.179 is saying out loud here&;s who I am to
0.179 other people
0.179 and so whether you find an essay Group
0.179 which I know they have in Vegas uh
0.179 sexual sexaholics Anonymous just a group
0.179 of men and women who get together and
0.179 speak openly here&;s what I&;ve been
0.179 struggling with
0.179 and when you sit in a circle of 15 or 20
0.179 men or women some are 30 years older
0.179 than you some are 10 years younger than
0.179 you and you say I masturbate 30 times a
0.179 day and I can&;t stop
0.179 you&;ll see a room full of people all nod
0.179 and go yeah we&;ve been there man
0.179 and suddenly your body completely
0.179 relaxes because you&;re not all alone
0.179 you&;re not the psychopath loser that you
0.179 think you are okay
0.179 correct you have to this isn&;t a I want
0.179 to strongly recommend you have to have
0.179 other people in your life that you are
0.179 regularly telling the truth to okay
0.179 exactly
0.179 is that fair that&;s very fair let me let
0.179 me be even clearer you cannot do this by
0.179 yourself this ends in ashes if you don&;t
0.179 exactly you were really really close if
0.179 you haven&;t already you are razor thin
0.179 close to meetups
0.179 exactly okay
0.179 correct Fair
0.179 yes and you&;ve probably gotten pretty
0.179 dang close already
0.179 absolutely okay
0.179 take another breath and exhale real
0.179 quick
0.179 here&;s my promise to you I&;ll walk
0.179 alongside you the whole way okay
0.179 thank you so much John
0.179 tell me how you feel what does your body
0.179 feel right now
0.179 after hearing that and taking that all
0.179 in it I kind of feel like a big uh I
0.179 would say like a rock was taken off my
0.179 back that&;s been hunching me over for a
0.179 long time you know
0.179 it feels like you know
0.179 that knowing what you said it opens my
0.179 mind that you know there is that I&;m not
0.179 alone there&;s a big there&;s always
0.179 a brighter future and that that there&;s
0.179 nothing that&;s ever impossible but it
0.179 takes some effort and it takes some work
0.179 on you know on the victim&;s part you
0.179 know well it&;s on the victim&;s part and
0.179 you played a role in it right exactly
0.179 and you were a kid
0.179 so now we&;re doing adult things I don&;t
0.179 hold children responsible almost almost
0.179 never because they&;re kids okay you&;re
0.179 an adult sometimes afterwards we have to
0.179 respond to kids actions right but
0.179 they&;re children
0.179 um you&;re you&;re gonna have to make
0.179 adult decisions now so here&;s where you
0.179 found yourself and now we gotta we gotta
0.179 take
0.179 um a right turn maybe Vegas isn&;t the
0.179 right Community for you
0.179 maybe I don&;t know
0.179 um maybe your group of friends isn&;t the
0.179 right group of friends
0.179 but before this day is over every app is
0.179 off your phone
0.179 or you&;ve just gone down to at T or
0.179 T-Mobile or Cricket or whoever you use
0.179 and you&;re getting a flip phone that you
0.179 can&;t access
0.179 before this day is over you&;ve looked up
0.179 and contacted and made it and put on
0.179 your calendar that you&;re going to the
0.179 next essay meeting there&;s probably one
0.179 tonight this evening in your local
0.179 community I guarantee you there&;s one
0.179 tomorrow morning
0.179 and we&;re gonna go
0.179 and we&;re going to tell the truth
0.179 in your counselor your previous
0.179 counselor sucked sorry find another one
0.179 it&;s not an excuse to not do the work
0.179 and let me be real real clear this is
0.179 gonna be hard
0.179 and you&;re gonna have days where you
0.179 fail miserably okay cool Shake It Off
0.179 we&;re on to the next
0.179 because we&;re gonna practice this new
0.179 identity as we move forward we&;re going
0.179 to practice it I&;m this kind of I&;m the
0.179 kind of guy who I&;m the kind of guy who
0.179 I&;m the kind of guy who and then one day
0.179 you&;re gonna meet somebody and you have
0.179 to sit down to explain to them dude I
0.179 was a full-blown addict
0.179 you jerked off 30 times a day yep yeah I
0.179 had a problem
0.179 and you&;re gonna feel nervous they may
0.179 leave you but we&;re gonna be honest
0.179 we&;re gonna be honest we&;re gonna be
0.179 honest
0.179 because you&;re worth being honest hang
0.179 on the line Joseph I&;ma send you a copy
0.179 of own your past change your future I
0.179 want you to read it and cover to cover
0.179 and then shoot me a direct message and
0.179 let me know what you think and anytime
0.179 you want to call and be on the show I&;m
0.179 here for you okay I&;m grateful for your
0.179 for your bravery and your honesty
0.179 there are brighter days ahead my brother
.